Day 48: Breaking the Law because I am stupid.

Image you find a cell phone on a street in Rome. You decide to pull a Good Samaritan and turn it into the local police. Well, listen to this story before you consider that “good turn.”

So there I was walking to the Museum of Bones near the US Embassy. (Side note, earlier I was inside the Embassy for a behind the scene tour.) At the corner of the Embassy I see a cell phone lying in the street. I pick it up. (Mistake #1) My first thought is IDE (Improved Explosive Device) so using good force protection I learned while in Iraq, I immediately try to turn it on to ensure it isn’t a bomb. (Mistake #2) It wasn’t a bomb and with that fear averted, I proceeded with Stephanie’s help to the nearest Policia to give them the phone. They wanted nothing to do with it but directed me to the police station a couple blocks away.

Candy, Shelly, Jordan, Noelani, Steph, and I were all on the way to the Bone Museum and so I am not in the mood to waste time. I am faced with a dilemma. I don’t want to go all the way back to the Police station just to turn in this phone, but I also want to do the “Christian” thing. Christ wins out and I decide to turn in the phone. To expedite the turn in, I give my coat to Steph and with the directions to the station, head out running. Half way there, I realize that all my identification is located with Steph and my coat. Do I turn around? No! (Mistake #3)

Continuing on, I get lost and can not find the police station. The directions were to go two blocks and turn left on Via Toscana. I went two blocks, but the street sign read “Senso Unico” (I later learn it means “One Way”) so I drive on for a few more blocks. I come to a sign reading “Carbinieri.” I could swear that I saw a police looking car with that on the side so I venture forward and go to the door. It’s locked. I didn’t notice the button which rings the office. (Mistake #4) I start to walk away and then arguably make the stupidest decision I could have made. I throw the phone onto the steps at the base of the door. (Huge Mistake #5, Climaxal Mistake, Mistake of all Mistakes) Noticing that the phone had landed behind the door and realizing that I shouldn’t have thrown the phone, or anything for that matter, at a door of a police station in the first place, I go back to pick it up. Retrieving the phone, I decide to place it at the base of the door. (Mistake #6) I doubt that decision also, but it didn’t matter, the police watching me on the closed circuit video are already bearing down to detain me. (Let me remind you that this is a completely true story, nothing is made up or exaggerated.)

They burst through the door and grab me, they, meaning two guys, who weren’t to big so I could have taken them. They pull me in the station and start yelling in Italian. This is probably a good time to mention that I don’t speak any Italian creating a definite communications barrier. The first thing they ask for is what I knew they were going to ask for, my documents. Remember, all of those things were back with my coat, being held at the corner of the Embassy. In my possession was: a spare battery for my camera, my bus ticket, my ear buds from the bus tour, and my emergency contact card provided by my wonderful, and now I realize brilliant, host Heather Chang. I try to explain to them the situation, but remember the barrier.

By this time I am inside the station and they have begun to search me, asking in Italian what I was doing. They find all the things I have, which was nothing. The whole time I am trying to explain what I was doing. “I am trying to give the phone back.” “Why did I throw it? I don’t know; I am stupid. Stupido, yes, me Stupido” “Call my friend, she works for the Embassy.” “What’s her name, I don’t know. Heather something. Heather Chang, I think it is Heather Chang.”

We are sitting in the station, they have patted me down and tensions are beginning to subside. The officers have my emergency contact card, thank you Heather, and are starting to call her cell. She doesn’t answer. We try the embassy; they don’t have her on record as working there. Things aren’t looking good for Jason. I am having flashes of dark Italian Prisons. The Apostle Paul comes to mind.

“I, Jason, called by God, slave of Jesus, to the Church in America, blessings and peace to you all.”

That is how my letter to the churches would have started.

Eventually they get a hold of Heather at the Embassy. After she stops laughing, she gets a hold of Stephanie with my coat and directs her to where she thinks I am. I think I mentioned that I couldn’t find the police station. Carbinieri are actually the State Troopers of Italy. They are not used to dealing with tourists, and don’t very much like us anyway. So Stephanie, having been informed of my situation, goes to the police station she thinks I am at and asks for me. She doesn’t find me, but with some persistence learns of the other cops around the corner. After only an hour and a half, Steph shows up with my passport. By that time most of the tension had left. The cops realized that they were dealing with a stupido American and now they just wanted me to leave. They look at my passport, probably copy it, give it back, and I leave. Walking out the door I shook the officer’s hand; he smiled and shook his head. I did my best to look sorry, but since things worked out, I wasn’t that sorry.

During the entire situation, I was having a problem. The situation was not a laughing matter. I just couldn’t help but laugh. Every time I thought about what I had gotten myself into, I smiled. In fact, I was a bit excited because I knew that I had a great blog coming. Well, at least a great story that would hopefully be a great blog. Sitting in the police station, I knew then was not the time to mention my journal. I was working really hard on just getting through it without upsetting the nice police men anymore than I already had. I didn’t upset them and it all turned out well in the end and you all are the lucky recipients of my series of unfortunate events.

There was so much more that happened today, but I have said enough. It is late, the bars are closed and I should be in bed. I will have to tell you about the waving contest later.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason