“And you’re the only one who knows”

“And So It Goes” was playing on the radio yesterday. It wasn’t the Billy Joel original version. A young jazz singer, whose name eludes me, was performing a cover of it. At first when the tune started, I didn’t recognize it. Introducing the song, the singer said the name quickly and all I caught was “Billy Joel.” A few lines into it, though, I was in the mood, singing along and reminiscing.

Billy Joel used to be my favorite artist. It was in High School that I first started enjoying his sound. Barry Kral introduced us. Sometime during my junior or senior year, Billy was on his River of Dreams tour and a whole group of friends from my class went together for his concert in the Orlando Magic Arena. My parents even joined us and I thought that was the weirdest thing because I didn’t know my parents even knew what music was, at least knew about music that didn’t put you to sleep.

I had all of Billy’s albums. Glass Houses, Turnstiles, 52nd Street are some of my favorite. It was interesting because before I became a fan, I had heard some of his songs, Only the Good Die Young, Piano Man, We didn’t Start the Fire, but I hadn’t associated those songs with him. Years after growing in my appreciation, I would discover a new song of his that I had heard before, but never knew it was his.

What I am trying to say is yesterday was quite a flashback; flashback and flashback. Thinking back to the great time that my High School was, and thinking back more recently to some romantic relationships. Have you ever heard of the “drunken birthday call?” I can’t explain it from personal experience, but it has been described to me in this way. A man of any age and relational status is thoroughly hammered on the anniversary of the day of his birth. If not looked after, those men have been known to call women of their past. In their uninhibited state, they spout out all sorts of nonsensical idioms about: how their heart was broken, how they would give her a second chance, how they want them back in their life, how they hate them and wish they were dead, no I don’t mean that, I really love you, how the world just isn’t right without them in their life. You get the picture. As previously stated, I have no first had knowledge of any of this, but I can see how it could occur.

If you don’t know the tune, “And So It Goes” is a love song spawned from a recent love lost. Lines like, “If my silence made you leave, then that would be my worst mistake, so I will share this room with you and you can have this heart to break..” make it clear the emotions that set it into play. The room mentioned above comes from the first line, “In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong, to heal the wounds from lovers past, until a new one comes along.” For me, a love song of that nature brings back longings of “lovers past.” (I am not using advanced calculus to come up with my interpretations.) The words flow into my mind and come out the other end as a conversation with whatever “past”. If intoxicate at the time, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to make the call.

Why is that? What is it about men that cause these emotional releases at such random and distant times? My guess is part nurture and part nature. A man is raised to be strong, emotionless, dependable; stalwart in the face of adversity. The world promotes men of this type. Nature has seen us succeeding or failing at critical times and somewhere in our design we have adapted to that calling. The poor head of FEMA is a perfect example of a man, in my opinion, that was overwhelmed even before the recent tragedy; it just brought reality to a head. So he will go away and a capable replacement will be devoured. Men by their very nature are strengthened in times of trial.

So then what is with the obvious weaklings that make those calls? Those men are everyone. Those men have thought the same as every other man, only they are the unfortunate ones who express it. You can blame the circumstances, but truth is truth. It is The Truth. Inside every man is a mix of emotions dying to come out, but over the years and training, those emotions are repressed to the point of essential non-existence.

I love the quote, “Never grow so strong that your heart can not be moved!”

It is tomorrow.

Jason

PS: I found all the lyrics, just in case you wanted to know them all.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows