Now What?

Here is the deal, if confusion was a person, their name would be Jason Haggard. But this isn’t unusual. As you may have guessed, questions are much more common in my life than answers. Or maybe that isn’t the case, the answers are just more difficult to find or maybe except.

If two people enjoy being around each other, are, by their own confession, attracted to each other, and most importantly, desire the same end product in their separate lives, then it would only make sense that those two people should be together. But my dad always said that there is the right person AND the right time; you need both to make a match. If it is the right person but not the right time, then patients is necessary, along with wisdom and perseverance. If it is the right time but not the right person then, again, wisdom is much needed, but this time discernment and faith are indispensable. Then comes the all to obvious question of after seeing that something isn’t right, determining which of the two the culprit is. And that is where I stand today, or at the very present, sit.

It would only make sense, but as I am seeing now, that sense isn’t always something that is made in this world or especially life.



Let the pain begin again. The pain of uncertainty. Why has it begun? What has changed that would cause me to wonder with greater intensity at each passing minute why she is not calling me back. I sit here now, that voice mail hanging out there, my heart with it. For a time I can suppress the thoughts. Write them off to a busy day, a time at church, work, or other. But as time passes, each other becomes impossible. Impossible in my self-centered mind because what could be more important than I. 30 minutes for an important TV show; 1 hour for church; an hour and a half for a movie; 2 hours for dinner with friends so as to not be rude; 3 hours for family; 4 hours on a plane; 5 hours for what?; 7 hours to sleep. At some point this mind can’t reason away the hours. So when does this point happen? Maybe last week I never had to ask this question because it was never more than a few minutes, but that can’t be the case because I know that right now it has only been 1:30 hours and there have been longer delays. It is my faith and trust, those have been abolished. I hate this.