Nothing Original Here 2

Moving Blogs

2007-09-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

So I gave up on this blog a while back. Lots of things have been changing, most significantly is my up coming wedding (only 3 weeks from this post). I was planning on just letting this thing die, but apparently there are blogging protocols and I am supposed to tell everyone what they already know.

You can find information about me at the new blog my fiance and I have.

blissandthebattlefield.com

Thanks for reading.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

It has been awhile

2007-01-30T16:45:00.000-08:00

I stayed home sick today. I left work early yesterday, shouldn't have even gone in in the first place, but I felt like they needed me. Yesterday after coming home, I bought some NyQuil, generic brand, and proceeded to sleep for something like 8 hours. I then got up, watched Heroes, and went to bed where I slept for another 10 hours.

Yesterday was no fun. Being home doesn't make up for feeling awful. Today, I probably could have gone to work, but the office is pretty good about not wanting sick people coming in and getting others sick. What that meant is I was home with my books, Bible, sermons, and naps. I hadn't taken a sabbath in a long time and today was one, all be it not by choice. I could go into all my thoughts on how we humans don't always know or do what is best for ourselves, but I am still a bit tired.

That is all I have to say.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Why is gossip so destructive?

2006-11-06T14:43:00.000-08:00

Because it breeds distrust among all involved!

Johnny, Sally, and Freddy are talking about the recent football game. The home team is struggling as of late and no one in the city is happy. Freddy gets a call and then says his goodbyes. Immediately after he is out of ear shot, Johnny turns to Sally and gives her that look. She nods understandingly as they start talking about how Johnny’s life is just going down the toilet. He is so stupid to not recognize what he is doing and how nobody likes him any more.

Johnny, Sally, and Freddy are talking about the recent football game. The home team is struggling as of late and no one in the city is happy. Sally gets a call and then says her goodbyes. Immediately after she is out of ear shot, Freddy turns to Johnny and gives him that look. He nods understandingly as they start talking about how Sally’s life is just going down the toilet. She is so stupid to not recognize what she is doing and how nobody likes her any more.

Change the names, change the subject, you have all heard something similar, made eye contact in the same way portraying your disgust. It is gossip, no big deal. What Freddy/Sally doesn’t know doesn’t hurt them, right? Well consider this. As Johnny and Sally are talking about Freddy, both are wondering what the other says about them behind their backs. Sure, in the moment Freddy is the butt of the jokes, but would if Sally had left first, clearly Johnny and Freddy had no problems sink the knife deeply into her back, and if Johnny left, same result. In the end, all three of them trust no one. They doubt the sincerity of any compliment, they wonder everyday what others are saying behind their back. They are isolated, miserable.

Gossip isn’t about telling lies or spreading rumors, it is about trust, or lack there of. Without trust you don’t have relationship, you have pseudo relationship. You don’t have intimacy, you have masks and ruses.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Sincerity

2006-10-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

The University Christian Union, UCU, has a meeting each Monday night of the school year. Maybe I should back up and tell you what the UCU is, but that is irrelevant, so in the name of brevity, I will simply say it is a bunch of college students, guys and girls, living in separate, adjacent houses. Last Monday during the meeting, we were talking about “Thoughts for Young Men” – JC Ryle. One of the guys, Michael, mentioned a cultural difference between Americans and Chinese. He said that if you ask someone from China how they are doing, the likely response will be a pause while they truly consider it, then a thoughtful answer.

In America, you ask someone how they are doing as a matter of courtesy, a salutation as it were, and hope they don’t respond with the truth. That is harsh; I do not mean to denigrate my culture, but there are some curious aspects to this. But I wonder, what are the greetings of other cultures? I mean, what do they mean? Bok is common in Croatia. Tcush is used in Bavaria, Southern Germany, Ciao in Italy, Cheers in England, Bonjour in France, Ahnyoung in Korea, Conichiwa in Japan, Oi in Portugal to name a few. And after looking at this list I realize that they aren’t exactly the phrases I am meaning to reference, but you get the point. Do the greetings of other cultures mimic ours in that they are questions of the person’s state of being or presence? Just curious.

“What’s uuuuuuuuup?”, as popularized by beer, “What’s going down?” “How you doin? (said deeply with an Italian accent)” “What’s new?” “How’s it hanging?” “What’s going on?” You have heard these today, probably more than once. What I am curious about is if our language has morphed into this form of greeting and if so why? What are the roots of it? Did we at one time find it necessary to ask these type of questions out of sincere interest in the other person and from then until now it has digressed into what it is today? I say digressed not to state my opinion, but for lack of vocabulary, I could very easily have said progressed. Let’s talk about progress... Next time.

Where has this train of thought come from? My own reflection on my own sincerity. I am trying to be more sincere. I feel like I water down or denigrate my own desires when I say things like those above. I can not possibly want to know how everyone I meet, the stranger in the elevator, is doing. I shouldn’t. So why do I ask them? In some way I see this as “crying wolf,” so if I can delineate my greetings and really say what I mean, then maybe I will mean what I say.

At times I know I fit right into the culture of insincerity and selfishness, a sad truth of who I am, but not who I want to be. If I ask you how you are doing, 1) you have my permission to answer honestly, 2) you have my permission to ask me if I really want to know and put me on the spot, 3) you can just say fine and I probably won’t know the difference.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Thanks Erika

2006-10-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

Erika told me how to change the dates of a blog so now you will have to go back in blog time and find the two posts.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

That is all

2006-10-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

There wasn't nearly as many posts as I thought and as you can tell, I couldn't figure out how to change the dates.

Warning

2006-10-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

I mentioned that I am going to post some old blogs. Here is the deal though, they are not finished, and never will be. Most of these I wrote late those nights, was tired, bored, depressed, what not and told myself that I would get back to them, but never did. I figure now I will put out there what I have, finished or not.

Enjoy, or be frustrated, either way.

Tully's Coffee

2006-10-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

Tully's is an anomaly to me. Here I sit, mooching their new free Wi-Fi and sucking down a $2.14 steamed milk with Spiced Pumpkin and whipped cream in the heart of Starbuck's land. Some brilliant entrepreneurs thought back in 1992 that Seattle would be a great place to start another major coffee chain, like we didn't have enough places to get our drug! The anomaly is not that they tried, but that they are succeeding. They came to Seattle and set up shop, Starbuck's with a different name. Oh well, free internet; good thing because the one at my house is currently TU.

It is a few weeks past, but I think that the time has given me enough reflection to speak objectively of the half Ironman I completed on September 23rd, 2006. Let me start with the results. You will have to follow the links to them. My race was the Blackdiamond half Ironman held on the 23rd. Most of you, meaning probably 3 people that still read this, don't know that I have been training all summer for this triathlon. I averaged between 8-10 hours of training a week for 3 months. That doesn't sound like much, but trust me, it is. Not enough to be really competitive, but enough to feel it. I would swim a few times a week in Greenlake, maybe get a couple rides in and a couple runs. It was like a part time job and looking back I am glad and sad it is over. The goal, if I am around, will be to finish a full IM next summer. Wish me luck. Let's skip the details of the training as that would be quite an endeavor, both for you and me, and go right to the race day action.

The race took place down in Enumclaw, WA, at the base of Mt Rainier. 1.2 mile swim, 61.87 mile bike and then 13.1 miles of running. As all of you have seen by now, I was 42nd overall, not bad. 5:44:42 is a decent time. For hard core triathletes, you may be saying that my overall time isn't that impressive, just remember the extra 6 miles on the ride equates to about 20 minutes, 5:24 isn't bad. Here is how the race went:

It was a 9:00AM wave start. All the men, followed after 5 minutes by the women and relays. Swimming is certainly not my strongest event but I am very happy with 36 minutes. By comparison, my training partner, Alyssa Smith, did the same swim in 26 minutes, but she swam in college were as I played intramural soccer. I came out of the water not very winded, I tend to hold back in preparation for the bike. They say you will never win a triathlon in the swim, but you can definitely lose it there. I jumped on the bike and headed out. Now is a good time to mention the other competitors Grant Jaffarian and Jeremy Allen. They are friends of mine.

Welcome back.

You will have noticed that I beat both of them out of the water. Grant by only 2 minutes. I was hoping to beat him by a lot more than that, at the time it didn't mater because I didn't know, I just knew I was in the lead at that time. Grant you will also noticed, kicked my but overall. Smoked me by 28 minutes. Before the race my goal was to beat him. I knew he was stronger than me in the run but I had him on the swim. It was the bike that was going to make the difference, I figured I would have to take him by at least 10 minutes on the bike. I figured right, but road wrong. I watched grant pass me about 20 miles into the ride and never saw him again. At that point, I will admit, my raced changed from a competition to a completion. Now I didn't let up, but I certainly wasn't going to kill myself. After he passed me, I settled into my race grove, pushing myself as I do. It was a good ride. I averaged 19.5 mph, not bad for 62 miles, especially considering the large hill at mile 35. They measured the hill as a 500 foot elevation gain over 2 miles. Yes, it isn't the tour de France, but I am no Floyd Landis. (I know of no time in my career that I have willingly done any sort of performance enhancing drugs. Does Flinstone vitamins count?) Looking back, I probably could have road harder, but I have a very good excuse.

Right from the beginning my right knee was acting up. I have short ITBs and if I do not stretch enough, my knees will be utterly painful, to painful to run. Well, that morning I was rushed and hence did not stretch enough. No one to blame but myself. Even in the swim I could feel the tightness and knew that things weren't looking good for the home team. During the bike I was always trying to stretch my legs, but it was no good. I started the run and only 2 miles into it was reduced more or less to a shuffle. The few down hills saw me pick up the pace, but anytime I had to work at it, I was useless. I walked up most of the hills and through all the aid stations. You could say I was disappointed on the run. So much so that by the time I finished the race, I was even winded. Certainly my body was drained and my muscles thrashed, but my lungs could have kept going.

Over all, no complaints. The most promising thing is that a few days after the race, I was thinking about the next one, considering how my training is going to change, and how I will definitely get to the race much earlier next time. Compare that with the marathon I ran in 1997, I didn't want to even think about running for probably 6 months.

Weekend America interviewed Dean Karnazes today. He is a runner of runner, running 40, 50, 60 hours, hours not miles, hours at a time. He said near the end of the show something about how we in Western Culture are lost. We do not have anything to struggle for in life and hence we don't have purpose (He didn't mention the purpose part, I inferred that). He uses running as a source of struggle, and I will say he is accomplishing something like struggle. Right now this dude is in the middle of running 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 consecutive days. Crazy!!!

Since the race I haven't done much. A few rides, a few swims, no running. I am taking a month or two off. I deserve it.

Switching gears...

I was talking to Adam Avitable the other day. We were talking about blogging and how I haven't been. It reminded me that I have been blogging, some, what I haven't been doing is posting those blogs. I save them on my computer, but at this point have never gone back and posted them. I am going to try and do so now. Let me warn you that if I can figure it out, I am going to post them with their original dates so you diehards will have to go back and search them out. Not that hard.

It has been good typing with you and maybe next time I will actually tell you how I am doing.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Baby Seals

2006-09-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

Here is the deal. I haven’t blogged in a while, but I am sure you have noticed. At this point, nobody should even be coming to this site so I don’t think anyone at all will read this. Which means I get to write to the impersonal, you, out in them land.

Labor day a week ago, I spent at Discovery Park here in Seattle. My original intentions where to go camping, but that didn’t work out. Discovery was a good second. The day started mid morning as I decided to sleep downstairs without a clock. I rolled out of bed around 9:00, ate some breakfast and then jumped in the car to look for a secluded spot to sit, read, journal, study, and pray. Magnolia hill has some small parks surrounding the top of the hill with benches and good views. On the way there I was talking to God about a good place to spend some time. I wanted a picnic table, near the top of a hill, looking west so I could see the mountains and Sound. Isolated would be nice and situated in the shade of a tree since the sun was shining brightly that day. I drove around Magnolia without any luck and ended up in Discovery Park. It showed promise. Well, after parking the car, packing a little water and my books, I set out in the park. It was only minutes of walking when right there, as I pictured it in my head and prayed for in my heart, was my picnic table. Coincidence or God?

The next few hours included some good times in the Word, a little prayer, reflection, and rest.

I then went for a reflective walk. Discovery Park is pretty big and you can definitely get lost in it. Along the way I met Lisa. She was a 50 something lady from Orlando, FL. Altamonte Springs to be exact. She is a speech therapist, but her passion is really working with orphaned animals. She is tired of working with humans. We talked for a couple hours. She doesn’t like her sister-in-law who lives here in Seattle with her brother and two nephews. Lisa is originally from Indiana but moved to Florida with her husband back in the 90s. It was nice to sit and talk. After her brother and his wife returned from circling the park, I was by myself again. A few more hours, a nap on some rocks down by the water, finding a set of concrete stairs that just disappeared into the water, and lots of walking filled the day.

The most notable event was in the afternoon. Walking along the beach I noticed a group of people congregated, looking and pointing toward the water, and chatting together. As I drew closer, I notice what all the excitement was about. An adorable baby seal was lying amongst the drift wood about 10 feet from the waters edge. No one knew what to do, but everyone knew something had to be done. Comments like, “It looks in distress!”, “It is trying to get to the water, we should help it.”, “Has someone called the park service?”, and the like were brought up by each person that entered our little group. With authority, a lady stated that her friend knows this guy that is on the board of directors for the park and that he said that mother seals will sometimes leave their young on the beaches for up to 12 hours (they have highly developed internal clocks) while they search for food and that we shouldn’t disturb the young seal. A younger guy had to be almost restrained from going down to the water to push the seal in. It was quite comical.

I stood there for a while. The seal was very cute. It would look back at us from the waters edge with its big, dark eyes and supermodel eyelashes and just seems to beg for pity and help. I can sense why there are so many conscience souls that are sold out on their protection. I was close to giving it a little shove towards the water myself.

Standing there I wished I had had this amazing insight into our human psyche, but I didn’t. All I could think about was how these people wanted to help something that probably didn’t want or need our help.

The day ended like this blog will, with more of a whimper than a bang. It was a good day none the less.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

What a day!

2006-07-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

My brother calls me this morning and asks if I had heard about dad.

What about him?

I just called mom and she couldn't talk because she is taking him to the hospital, he is having chest pains, it's pretty serious.

What? Where are they? Hold on, let me call mom and put her on three-way.

Mom, this is Jason

I can't talk right now I am trying to listen to the nurse, I will call you back, bye.

And then there was nothing. Talk about rocking your world? Sitting in the Revolutions coffee shop, across the street from Greg's, I just start to cry. I couldn't hold them back. I get back on the phone with Justin and we connect with Tiffany and Jared. The four of us kids talk for a while, Tiffany prays, I cry.

I guess there has just been a lot going on in my head. Reading this book about dads and brothers, football and what it means to be a man is just working me over and then this. Here was the worst thought too. My dad turns 60 this year, his dad died when he was 64, when my dad was 30, the same age as I am right now. I was just kept imagining my dad dying. It could happen, it will happen, and with that I will be worthless for a long time. I love my dad.

So what do you do when mortality hits you like it did me this morning? I don't know, move closer so that you can spend more time together. I love the quote from the song "Wear Sunscreen",

"Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."

I am going to take her advice. I just ordered this book, Questions for My Father: Finding the Man Behind Your Dad, we will see if it is any good. I'll let you know.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Oh, and dad is fine. They are holding him over night at the hospital for test and just to be careful. The docs haven't ruled out a heart attack, but they feel it is unlikely. Probably the Mexican food.

A window?

2006-07-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

The choice—swim or blog? The answer is clear. Now you may be asking why not both? Well that is because I have somewhere to be in less than an hour. Actually the blog happened because I forgot that I also needed to go to the store before my 7:00 engagement, so swimming was really out of the question. SO lets get to the blog.

On the bus riding home from work, I sat across from this girl. She was cute. We kept stealing glances at each other. I would catch her looking at me, and she I. Each time either of our eyes would dart away avoiding any sort of eye contact. It wasn’t a big deal, I mean it didn’t happen more than three or four times over the course of the 30 minute ride. Here is my question: Why?

Why did both of us want to watch the other, but neither wanted to actually interact? One thought comes from another’s idea I recall. The eyes are the window to the soul. So much can be learned from the intent gaze of another and there is vulnerability in that. Next time you are around a child of less than one year observe. They will stare intently into your eyes. No blinking, no hint of shame or embarrassment, only pure intrigue. They have not yet grown to doubt themselves and question the motives of this world. Maybe that is what He means when He says, “faith like a child?”

If the eyes are the window to our soul, then it is understandable that those who think their soul something to hide would cast their eyes to the ground and shun the possibility that another person could access that part of their existence. I find that disturbing and sad but at the same time, understandable. We are all hiding something.

Well, that is all I have for now, off to a Bar-B-Q. I wonder what souls will be seen tonight.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Previously Written

2006-06-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

11:00 pm Tuesday night. Haven’t slept in 41 hours. Tired. I should be in bed asleep. It will be interesting to see if I can in the coming hours because there are limits to ones human ability. Today was enlightening, however, because in a very real way God answered a prayer. Over the last few weeks I have found it difficult to function near the end of the work day, after a short 7 or 8 hours, even with a normal amount of rest. Going into today I knew that I wasn’t going to make it unless He provided the strength. Leaning into Him, the work got done. Even now, my mind brings me to this post instead of a shower and pillow.

In the last 41 hours I have had two humbling conversations. My question is, “I wonder what God is up to in all of this?” I do know that He is frustratingly answering my prayers and yours. Remember those relational reconciliation requests, hence forth to be known as triple r’s? Well, true to Himself, God is faithful. Sometimes I just wish He wouldn’t be so faithful all at once.

My triple r’s are still there, please continue to pray, though not so often this time. Maybe cut back to interceding for me every other time you pray.

In other things, God is faithful. Oh, wait, said that already! I mean, He is though. The next big step in my part of the equation is to put on paper my vision as God has revealed it. This was a daunting task as that vision, in Young Life’s eyes, should be attractive, colorful, with pictures and good graphics. Not being the artistic type, I am less than confident of my abilities to produce something of quality. Sunday as I was talking with one of the other guys I serve with at church, the topic of his going to school in graphic arts came up. He pointed to a pamphlet he recently designed for this other ministry. Jumping on that, I asked if he would like to help me create the same. Enthusiastically he said yes. One less hurdle to cross and excuse to use. God is frustratingly faithful.

Now let’s try that sleep thing.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

What is Next?

2006-06-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

I shaved my legs yesterday. What, isn’t that normal? No, really I did. See this morning was my season’s first triathlon and I wanted to test the no hairy legs option for the race. Its value in reducing wind drag is yet to be determined, but it does look funny. We will see what the massage therapist thinks this afternoon. It should help in that department.

But this post is not about triathlons, or shaved legs, or massages. It is an update as to where I am going, or more specifically, where God is taking me.

As some of you may know, I have been planning on moving to Europe to work with the teenagers of our military families. You all should remember my travels last year in Europe and the military ministry that I volunteered for. I am pretty sure that I also have been mentioning my continuing application process with Young Life International and where that is going. Well, the next step has taken place. Two weeks ago, I was down in Colorado Springs and was officially accepted by MCYM (Military Community Youth Ministries). What this means is that all the blocks have been checked, all the hoops jumped through, all the skeletons laid to rest and I am moving forward, full speed ahead, to be in Europe by the first part of next year. Allow me to expound.

A good starting point is the summer of 2000. I worked as the TCL (Training in Christian Living) Projects Coordinator for Lakeside Bible Camp (LBC). Prior to that, an Internet company occupied my day but my heart knew there was so much more. Maybe I should go back even further. (maybe not, I am writing a blog not a book) No, I will start with TCL. At LBC, for probably the first time, I really served my God. I had done things at various churches all growing up, but I can barely say I was a Christian, let alone a faithful servant. For the first time at camp, I gave my whole life to Jesus. He had it all. Working with teenagers, modeling Christ, working hard as an example and sharing His love eclipsed anything in my previous 24 years. A seed was planted; the thirst, ever so slightly quenched, called out to a longing in my heart and revealed so subtly what God had in store. That summer started it. And then the Army came calling.

The Army is a good thing. I don’t say it came calling like it interrupted the growth of that planted seed. It came calling to reveal its part in God’s plan. Did I know that at the time, no! Were there times in the Army that I questioned my place, doubted my resolve, worried about a wasted life, yes! See in my heart there has been a continued personal conflict. A paradox. I finally, after years of running from God, give Him everything, or at least think I do, and with that I found an amazing peace and joy. When I begin my military service, I find another purpose, a different sort of peace and joy, another passion. So there I was, these two passions before me: A life serving Christ and a life serving my country. The next five years were a blur.

James 1:6 talks about the surface of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. It does not know where it is going; only that forces outside itself give it direction. The sea is compared with a man who doubts. I was that man. On any given day, my two passions would collide. I could not see 1. How God could use those two passions together and 2. Why He had given me both of them. They seemed mutually exclusive. I could either do one or the other, but not both and certainly not both simultaneously. So I spend five years searching for the perfect job. Fast forward to last year.

It is the winter of 2004-2005. My army unit has recently returned from over a year in the desert and 9 months later I am still on Active Duty for various reasons. Still searching, I apply for various government jobs, consider staying in the Army, and generally am flailing about with the wind. My prayers to Jesus are strong and consistent, “What do you have for me?” Looking back it seems so obvious what His answers are, but at that time, I either wasn’t listening or didn’t comprehend. My time on Active Duty is coming to an end and it is clear that my work with the Army is doing the same. Again, I look back and am amazed by God’s timing. As I mentioned I had applied with some other government agencies. I am anxiously awaiting replies when the Active Duty releases me. Having not heard anything except “no’s”, and with no job or ties holding me back, I begin the long vacation traveling the world, the plan for which had been two years in the making.

It is the middle of Montana, March 7th, 2005. Driving to my brother’s place in Havre, I have listened to probably my 3rd or 4th Mars Hill sermon when an idea hits me. I remember the date because of this blog, “In the beginning…Day 1”. The idea I was talking about is that of going into full-time ministry. God was being very convincing that day and my first inclination was to plant a church. Mars Hill is big into church planting, hence my idea to plant a church. The thing is even before March 7th, I knew that God had His ministry in my future, but for what ever reason, I was too stubborn or too scared to admit it and follow Him completely. I said I had given Him everything back in 2000, but I see now I hadn’t. I realize today that the surrendering of a life is a process that doesn’t just happen in an instant. It has a starting point followed by years and years of small, sometimes infinitesimal, changes.

Leaving my brothers and continuing my vacation, I am struck with this new idea and consider turning my car around, going back to Seattle and following that idea. I was excited. There was something about that calling that felt undeniable, but still some uncertainty weighed in my heart. What does full-time ministry look like for me? I continued the vacation, the biggest reason was a commitment I had previously made to a friend and a ministry called Club Beyond to be a leader at a service project the next month. Fast forward to next month.

April 2005, Slovakia, MCYM service project.

Here is where God lays it all out on the table. He shows me a place that brings together both of my passions, serving Him and serving my country. I had doubted God but shouldn’t have. If you don’t already know what MCYM is then you need to check out this site, http://www.mcym.org/. All of the nuts and bolts are there. Too lazy to read. Cliff notes follow.

MCYM was started back in the 80’s by a Young Life guy that noticed a total lack of spiritual ministry to the teenagers of our military families stationed overseas. MCYM has helped to fill that role by bringing together numerous youth organizations like, Young Life and Youth For Christ to facilitate youth ministry. It works with the Chaplains of the military, to communicate the love of Jesus Christ in understandable terms; essentially it is the youth pastors to the military.

When I found out that MCYM existed, everything started to make sense. I understood why God had placed me in the Army, why I had moved around a lot as a kid, why I still loved to travel and longed to live overseas, why I had a passion for raising up young men to love Jesus and grow to be more like Him, and why I had gone to college and graduated with a BS in Chemical Engineering (OK, maybe that last one isn’t so clear yet, but it will be; God has miraculously used everything else so He must have a reason for that too.)

If you are still reading this, I congratulate you. Brevity is not my strong suit, but I am working on it. Trust me when I say this could have been much, much longer. You should now have a clearer picture of where I am going. My plan of now is to leave for the ministry in December. So much has to happen before that so be praying. Pray specifically for:

A pastor and church. My current church is Mars Hill. It would make since that it would be the answer to this first prayer but not necessarily. I have been going to Mars Hill for almost 9 months, not a lot of time to develop strong ties and so maybe God has something else. Though, He brought me to MH for a reason, He just hasn’t told me yet.
Relationships – Both new and growing ones, and old and broken ones.
My current job – They have always known that I wasn’t going to be there forever, but now the reality of my leaving will be in the forefront of our interactions. That could bring strife and misunderstandings. Pray that I will be above reproach in all my actions and give them 100% of my efforts while on the job. I can’t afford to steal their time and tarnish the work of Jesus in me.

Thank you for your prayers and time. If you can’t tell, I am excited. I imagine that much news will continue to follow. Maybe I will start this blog back up. Maybe?

I was going to leave you with some cheesy blessing, telling you to go in peace, be well, and cap it off with a motivational bible verse like Isaiah 6:8, but that is totally cliché, and humbly speaking, I am above that.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Not thing here? Where?

2006-04-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

When everything seems right, what's wrong?

I feel like I want to write something, but I am not.

It has been a long time and maybe everyone is thinking that I am starting to lighten up, starting to dwell on the world a little less, and maybe that is the case, but I doubt it.

Maybe I am so consumed by thoughts and a journey so completely unknown that there are no knew words in my head overflowing into expression.

The other day I made a few decisions. Not a big deal for most, but here it's rather large.

What is the next thing that happens?

A cross roads. I go back, I question.

Now, do I stick with the first, or fall for the second?

When life seemed comprehensible, it gets turned over.

When life seems like it is moving forward, it gets a flat tire.

Fat Tire.

Let's drive on in the darkness, let's see what is around the next corner.

Let's follow the blind man, let's meet his maker.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Narcissism at its best.

2006-04-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

Somehow I missed this post on Adam's blog, but after he put up the results, I went back, added my 2 cents and am copying his thing.

So below are two links, one for good attributes of yours truly, one for bad. Follow the links below, the rest is self explanatory.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=jhaggard76

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=jhaggard76

Enjoy, I'll post the results eventually.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

It is just me.

2006-04-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

I am in a sentimental mood. Sitting at my computer, I some how managed upon my blog. Oh, I remember. I was looking for my Aunt’s email address which I happen to have because of a comment she posted on said blog. After snagging the email and sending off a birthday greetings, I got sucked into the blog and began reading some old posts. One old post leads to another and at this point it has been something like 2 hours. I wonder if it is an ego thing to go back and read things you wrote? I mean, I wrote them, they were my experiences, so why should I need to go back and read them? Well, I can answer that, because I don’t have a perfect memory.

So, I was reading about Europe. Italy, Germany, Ireland. I spent most of my time in Ireland. I love Ireland. Trent, a guy that I was in a small group with at the UCU, is in Ireland right now. North Ireland actually. He is over there studying conflict resolution. I guess if you are talking about conflict, what better place than Belfast? Maybe Israel? Rereading that stuff just got me longing for those days. That was a seriously wonderful time. So much of everything happened. This brings me to today. So much is happening.

I am in a slump though. Emotional slump that is. I like and at the same time don’t like these slumps. They are good because I grow. God uses this time in my life to mold me, and to continually make me into the lovable creature that He desires me to be. That is a good thing in the long run. But in the short run, frankly, it sucks. No one likes to feel down, not me at least.

My emotional rollercoaster is brought to you by relationships. Interestingly, it is relationships with girls. It is always relationships with girls. Yesterday I was stupid. Really, really stupid. I was at work and talking with a friend. The conversation turned bad when she said something, I interpreted it as an attack, I said something back, we got into it and the end result was me calling her stupid, in front of other co-workers. How absolutely idiotic can I be? As soon as the words came out of my mouth I new I was wrong, way wrong. But of course I compound the issue with my dumb pride and can’t apologize, at least not right away. Sitting in church today, I couldn’t get my mind off of it. It was the end of the service and all that came to mind as communion was happening was Matthew 5, the part about not giving your offering when a brother has something against you. I didn’t take communion and instead called my friend in hopes that she will join me for coffee so I can apologize properly. She declined the first white flag and hasn’t returned my second call. I really wish I wouldn’t do stupid things like that.

The second thing that has gotten me all overly introspective is this email I sent the other day. No details here, but it too is waying on my heart. Sometimes it makes me want to really throw in the towel and call it. I could be in Europe right now if I really wanted to be. I think that is another issue all in itself. I’ll work through this one too, and maybe this is the faith that I so long ago was mussing about how to get more of.

Final thought as I get back to preparing for the up coming Bible study. I am leading the UCU bible study starting a week from tomorrow. I have been thinking, praying, studying, and “preparing” for this study for a good two months. More time has been dedicated to this endeavor as the time draws near, but unfortunately I still have not nailed down what I am going to talk about. It is like there is a block in my head that will not allow me to settle on any one topic or passage. It is becoming frustrating. This too, I guess, is adding to my emotional ups and downs. When I think about putting words on paper, I usually end up just praying. I say just like it is a bad thing, I don’t think that, not yet at least.

Finally, finally, I am definitely feeling emotionally drained because for the last few weeks I feel like I am on my own. I am sort of an island in the middle of the ocean. There are people around me, relationships that are happening and, well, growing, I guess, but there is just something inside that is missing.

Wish I knew what that was.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

The greatest ever

2006-03-26T12:37:00.000-08:00

I don't have much time to write this as I am heading out on a bike ride with other Mars Hillians, but I wanted to get this down. I have been thinking a lot about basketball, what with the NCAA Tournament (I hate the Huskies) and all, and it reminded me of this Michael Jordan commercial I saw a few weeks ago. It is a great commercial, especially for those of us that grew up with Air Jordan. I watch this commercial and, no joke, remember watching the moves live. I can almost tell you what games they came in.

Here is a link from ESPN about the commercial. I recommend that you watch the commercial first, then read the article, then watch it again and relive the simple pleasure that is and was the original MJ.

It's good, trust me.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=rovell/060302

(Sadly ESPN has moved this link and article to the Inside section of their site. Try this link. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3712923125091616210&q=michael+jordan+commercial)

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Life as we know it

2006-03-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

This one I promise will be short, but I make no claims on its entertainment value.

Not many of you know that I received my walking papers from the Army just last month. I am as free a man as I can be, aside from being dead. It is a wonderful thing, and sorrowful at the same time. I have proceeded, in my freedom, to grow a nice beard, which I will sustain for a few months until the weather turns, and then who knows. But the bottom line is I am free.

You will never guess however what I just finished doing which inspired this post. Give up? I polished my shoes. The old Hawaiian Tropic Lifeguard bag came out; a can of the wonderful Kiwi black shoe polish immerged, and I proceeded to apply a fine matte finish to my overpriced, $280 regretfully spent dollars over priced, Allen Edmonds dress shoes. It was a wonderful thing. I love the smell of shoe polish; so many memories are tied to it. None of which I will go into at this point (I must keep my promise).

Here is what hit me as I was progressing through both shoes. 1. I couldn’t believe I actually had the stuff necessary to polish dress shoes. 2. I couldn’t believe I actually knew how to do just that. 3. I can’t believe that I enjoyed doing it. Enjoyed it immensely. It is a simple pleasure

Simple pleasure, like a perfectly thrown spiral landing softly in your hands after flying over your shoulder; your stride not breaking, simple pleasure.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Uhhh, yeah...

2006-03-02T19:18:00.000-08:00

It seems I messed up my blog again and in the attempt to erase a previous comment (the one that linked you to a bunch of porn, which I never went to, but people, my mom and dad in particular, told me did so) I made it impossible for people to leave comments. Well, not impossible, but after a comment was left, I supposedly had the ability to accept or reject the comment and had to do so before its publishing. I didn't know what I was doing and the end result was no comments.

I will be honest and say that I thought it odd that no one had commented in a while, not that I get a lot or am measuring my value on them, but it was out of the ordinary. Well, once again, my incredibly smart friend Adam came to the rescue and pointed out what I had done wrong. Turns out that a few comments had been left in the last few weeks, but I wasn't releasing them.

No worries, problemo solvdo.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Nothing to Say and TIme to Say it in.

2006-02-28T13:31:00.000-08:00

After covering the phones for 15 minutes with another hour to go, I have exhausted all forms of entertainment at the front desk. Yesterday, I discovered that something as simple as watching streaming video from ESPN.com can be detrimental to the computer systems here at Clothier & Head, PS. It all started back about two weeks ago.

The Olympics, as everyone should know, were held in Torino, or Turin, Italy this year. Time zones and the earths rotation as they are, most events of the Games took place while I was in bed. That, added to my not having regular access to a TV, meant I didn't see much of them. But the Internet is an amazing thing. You can, even now still, go there and watch all the Games, albeit, in short video clips. ESPN.com and NBC.com have combined to provide excellent coverage. This is what I had (past tense) been doing before now while I sat at the front desk and covered the phones. Now, not so much.

Yesterday, I was watching Apolo Anton Ohno slide victoriously after 500 meters on the short track, when the worst thing that can happen to a receptionist did. The computer reset, though I didn't know it at the time. At first it looked like I had killed the whole system. Both screens went black and there was nothing for a good four or five seconds. This is an even more tragic event at Clothier & Head, PS because the incoming switch board is tied directly to the computer and when it is off, so are the phones. Panic ensued. There was human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria. I did the only thing I knew to do; I called Cait.

If I had waited that extra few seconds I would have known that the computers had, in fact, just reset and Cait was unnecessary, but as always I jumped the gun. When they started to come back on, I knew then that what I needed was Jen and her knowledge of her passwords to sign me back in. I sent Anjie on a mission. Jen came, crisis averted.

Now here is the funny part. I write today as if I knew then what had caused the initial shut down. Reality is much different. Yesterday, I didn't know what I had done; I just assumed the thing broke on its own without my being a contributor so understandably, I went right back to what I was trying to do in the first place, watch Apolo Anton Ohno slide victoriously after 500 meters on the short track. This time, however, Jen was at had and when the computer crashed for a second time, I knew it was me. This did not endear me towards Jen, luckily she is probably the nicest receptionist I have ever met, and she proceeded to inform me of the whole, phones not working when computer not working issue.

I took the hint and am no longer going to watch videos of the Olympics, or any other sporting event, even my beloved Huskies as they battle for the top spot in the Pac-10 and an automatic NCAA Tournament berth, not that they need it, at the reception desk, which is why I have nothing to do at this exact moment.

So once again, you have wasted another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Oh, sorry, wrong ending.

Have a great day.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Oh, BTW, Jen is back from her walk so I have managed to occupy this last hour, and it went by really fast. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

White House under fire over Cheney shooting

2006-02-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

For everyone that does not live under a rock, bear with me in this next blog. Just yesterday some of my office mates were discussing, again, the stupidity of the discussion of this event. I couldn’t take it as it is such a non-story. So why then, you may be asking, am I being so hypocritical and bringing it up here? I do so because of something completely different that this story brought to mind.

The other day (I must confess that I should have written this blog that other day, but my life does not lend itself to the freedom to sit at a computer and type my thoughts. In the evenings the last thing I want to do is come home and be on the computer after having spent the entire day at one.) NPR was interviewing a cardiologist; questioning him about the severity and significance of the heart attack Harry Whittington had had days after being shot. The interviewer kept asking questions of the doctor: “How dangerous is this?” “What could be the long term effects?” “Is this heart attack serious?” The doctor, an “expert” in this field and more knowledgeable, I hope, than your average American, never once answered a question. He would say things like, “I haven’t seen the medical reports so I just can’t say for certain.” I was in my car at the time and wondered, “Why are you even on the radio program at all?”

This doctor was called upon to give his opinion. He didn’t. Why? I mentioned this to a pastor friend of mine. (Him being a pastor is inconsequential, he just happens to be one and I figured I would through that in so you all will know I hang with the right crowd.) He said that was the prudent thing to do. This doctor didn’t know the specific situation so don’t say anything. But I see it differently. The doctor wasn’t being asked to do anything more than educate some people, but he saw it as sticking his neck out. If he said something that was wrong, then he could, some how, be held liable? What, the doctors treating Harry would hear his opinion and change their own diagnosis and therefore be able to hold this other doctor accountable for his words? What is that all about?

Here is what I think. A couple things are at play in this whole scenario. 1. Americans are so unwilling to take responsibility for their actions that we look for anyone and anything to blame and hold accountable. 2. Humans, the men half in particular, are a bit weak in their own right and don’t know how to stand on their own two feet or convictions.

Where is all this coming from? Again, patience.

These last few months of my life have been marked by a resurgence of self evaluation. Now I have always been a bit reflective. Ok, there is no bit about it. But these last few have had some times of extreme confusion and seeking. One of the biggest areas has been in the realm of weak versus strong men. What do they look like? What characteristics are marked by a strong man? A weak one? The answer I have come up with is, “I don’t know?” My ignorance is not due to a personal lack but what I think is a universal inability. (Again, there is also a good amount of personal lack involved, but let’s not go there.) I don’t think that there is a concrete definition of strength that is possible on this earth, in human terms. Strength is like pornography as Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said in 1964, “I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.” We all can look at another person and decide on human terms if they are strong or weak. Sometimes it has to do with their position, or related wealth. It may be physical, in terms of mere mass, although I think most would be quick to say that a lot of buff dudes are so to cover up their true selves. It may be based on their presence and command of an audience. There are many other factors and all of these external characteristics are effortlessly put in the category of strength. But is that real strength?

Real strength can only be defined by the creator of it. Just as beauty can only be define by the creator of beauty. If you want to know what a painting, or sculpture, or poem, tome, drawing, building, or any other form of created thing means, then you have to ask the creator. No amount of speculation will ever be 100% accurate. So true strength is not defined by anything of this world, though the previous mentioned attributes are some of its by-products, but by something so completely other-worldly.

“If God’s moral judgement differs from ours so that our ‘black’ may be His ‘white’, we can mean nothing by calling Him good for to say ‘God is good’, while asserting that His goodness is wholly other than ours, is really only to say ‘God is we know not what’.” – C.S. Lewis

Here is why I don’t think that we, as humans, will ever fully be able to define it, or anything else of a Divine nature. “God is we know not what.” This is true as it relates to His goodness as much as to His strength, justice, mercy, grace, love, or faithfulness. The best I can do is to say that true strength is defined as true godliness. Look at the character of God, the creator of strength, and you will see the character of strength.

What does that look like then, the character of God? Wow, “there are also many other things which Jesus did, which if they were written in detail, I suppose that even the world itself would not contain the books that would be written.” But I love the image set forth before time began. “Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” Formless, empty, darkness, in a word, chaos. This was the beginning and God, our God, came; He established order, brought beauty and peace into what was previously nothing. Our God came and spoke into the unknown. Something I don’t see a lot of today, especially from myself.

So I don’t fault the doctor for not sticking his neck out, nobody else does. And this is why I think reason 1. exists. Not as a cause, but an effect. The cause is this world going away from the truth of its purpose, from its Creator. The effect is to hammer down anyone that would speak into the darkness as their Creator does. We want to beat out any image of the Divine. And we do it well, very well.

It is ironic though, that book ending this blog is Cheney. His response to the shooting is to take full responsibility. “I pulled the trigger, I am the only one at fault.” Is he a strong man? I don’t know, and I am certainly not advocating one way or the other, but speaking out is a start.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Finally

2006-02-09T13:56:00.000-08:00

I am not sure if anyone else is happy that that one post is gone. You know the one. The world map post that was wider than the average post and made my sidebar drop to the bottom of the screen. Well, at least I am glad it is gone, it was annoying.

I am personning the phones at work. Which are part of my duties as Admin Be'och, or Man Slave as I have most affectionately been called. It is not bad now that I have figured out how to use them, oh there is a call...

One of the perks of personning the phones is that you have relative freedom to do nothing else but that. I do try and get a bit of other work done, but more or less I spend the time on the Internet, guilt free. As I was surfing a bit, I realized that I could also sit here and type a blog or two. Or just one, because I am at the tail end of this personning and the regular phone personner is on her way back.

Work is still going well, although I haven't figured out how the rest of the world works 40 hours each week. Seriously, you work every day and that is just about all you do during the week. I am now looking to cut back a few of the other things that I do in the evening, but that is not easy. The choices are: Young Life, UCU, Community Group, or Bible Class. None of which I want to give up. I have decided not to add anything new. I was interested in helping out with the Youth Group at my church, but that will have to be put off until I finish class.

Now she is back and I must go.

Super bowl over

2006-02-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

We will see where this goes. I honestly can't say because my mind is literally in a 1000 places right now. If itwasn't 10:10 on a Sunday night, work looming in the near future, and if I had enough speed and caffeine to keep me awake, I could write a book. I will give it my best shot and most likely what you, the masses, read will not be what was penned this evening.

As mentioned, it is 10:10 on Sunday evening. Black Sunday as it will now be known, and said first (maybe) by yours truly. The Seahawks lost tonight. Which is not even close to why I am in the state that I am in. It was a glorious run, for what looked like a better part of three quarters, I was feeling a victory, but alas the gods were against us. It is probably because we are the least churched city in American and you know how they love their churches. But enough about that. I really don't care and I know no one will believe me, especially after I start this blog with them. But in my defense, they are the biggest pop culture event and as I have always been one to play to the masses, you got to catch them in their place. Feed the animal and it will come back for more. Seriously, I make good money writing this shtuff and I know where my base is.

The really story, however, lies in the after game show. That show and everything things else that has happened in my life over the last three weeks. Three weeks, what is that? It is absurd to think that the feelings I have after only three weeks, which was preceded by maybe a month, are feelings I could possibly consider really. What are three weeks in eternity, what is a month? Sorry, I am off subject.

The after game show was of the recently nominated film, Crash. And film would be the appropriate designation. My brother and I, when we were out "bonding", were talking over the last holidays about the difference between a movie and a film. I don't remember what a lot of those distinctions where, but I can tell you what I do remember and I know that from what I remember that Crash is a film. Crash is probably the most profound movie I have seen in, forever. Well, forever is a long time, so let's go with, "as long as I can remember at this point."

The thing with the movie is that it fits right into everything I have been reading and hearing about us pathetic humans. Here is the deal. We suck! Really, we suck hard core. There is nothing good about us, and if you think otherwise, that just proves my point. In crash, there wasn't one good person. Anyone you thought was good ended up being bad, and the bad guys came out looking a little better, but only a little. All of them sucked. And that is humans. We suck!

On my Sundays, I am told that time and time again. It sounds harsh to hear it here, and it even sounds that way on most Sundays, but it sounds harsh because it is true. "Reality is like a fine wine, it doesn't appeal to children." - stolen from a quote of a quote of a book by an author who I read once, recently. When I read that, the world made sense, if only for the moment. I am a child and I don't like the reality of life because it is hard, and harsh, and no fun and work, and people are mean and they suck and they are selfish, cruel, bias, racist, short sighted, ignorant, blind, deaf, and dumb. If we weren't like that then the world would be heaven. But it is so obviously not heaven that at times I want to scream. Luckily those times are few and far between and even in those few and far times, I can manage to go without because I know a little something else. (OK maybe I do scream, but I would deny it and you couldn't prove it if you wanted to.)

What I am trying to say is that I suck too. All those adjectives describe me just as much as the next human. Everyone says it, only in a nicer way. "Nobody's perfect! We all make mistakes." In Crash, I related to so many of the characters. The one I related to the most today was the TV producer/director. The tragic scene where his wife is being, well, raped, by that sleazy cop and he just stands there silent, is more than I can

Update

2006-01-21T15:00:00.000-08:00

So a short update is in order. It would be a good guess that if anyone is still reading this blog, then they would be interested in the following happenings. If you read this blog because of all the insightful, witty, and intelligent blogs that normally happen, then you will want to skip this one as it will be all about me.

Let’s start with the most recent stuff and work backwards.

I just finished my first three days of working for Clothier & Head PS. When I say work, I mean an actual position for which I will receive money and a W-2 (I mention that because if you have clicked the link you will see that C&H is a CPA firm). My position can best be described as mail boy, but I quickly moved beyond that and into a word processor position. When I say quickly, I mean they moved me before day one; it was nothing of my doing. In the capacity of word processing, my job duties are not limited to, but include the following: typing up tax forms on an ancient IBM word processor( i.e. mastering white-out, yelling at the machine, and wondering often what century it is.), scanning hard copies of documents into soft copies, typing up and editing letters, inputting new client information into the computers (this includes putting the same information into three different databases, none of which talk to each other, a problem soon to be rectified), making coffee, cleaning the kitchen, answering the phones, and anything else that the lowest man on the totem pole would do.

After three days, I am pretty excited. Let me explain why. This is a great company, about 50 people total, with a great atmosphere and climate. At various times throughout the year, I am told, the entire company has a 5:01. This is when at exactly 5:01pm, company purchased beer and wine, cheese, crackers, and anything else snacky, are laid out in the café and a party ensues. We had one of these just yesterday as a kick off for the busy tax season coming up. I was pouring myself a nice Merlot when the CEO, Mike Vanderslice, aka The Slice, looks up and says, “Jason, how has your first week been?” He remembered my name, pretty cool. We then proceeded to talk for the next 20 minutes about the company, my observations, my history, and such. I was in a sort of kissing ass mood and proceeded to be very complimentary of the company, him as the CEO, and the general attitudes and philosophies that I had seen such far. Let me continue that here and say that he and the company are pretty cool. At one point he asked me why a helicopter captain, army officer, was doing his word processing. I explained my goals in ministry a bit and he seemed very interested. The best part of the conversation was when we talked about leadership. Having some experience in that, I told him how I saw that his company had some markers of good leaders; I explained my philosophy of how it is the leader’s job to make the life of those working for him easier, essentially, the leader works for the lead. The Slice asked me if I had heard of a concept called servant leadership. Hmm… I said I had.

This new job has been long in coming, I really do enjoy my co-workers, and the work itself is super easy. The first day, I found myself folding envelopes. For about three hours I stood there, all dressed up in a shirt with buttons, non-cargo-pants, and black leather, Allen Edmonds, $285.00, shoes, folding thousands of folders. My thoughts were, “I can’t believe I am folding these things”, followed quickly by, “I can’t believe they are paying me to fold these things.” It should be interesting to see just what God has in store in that place. His glory I am guessing.

Other things: I moved to Ballard, I might have mentioned that; I did get a new car, 1993 Honda Accord EX, sunroof and all. The mechanic has it right now to check up on things. Frustratingly, I gave it to him last Tuesday and when I called him yesterday, he still hadn’t gotten to it. The Holidays were spent in Georgia. I turned 30 (Had the best birthday in years. Three friends and I drove to Cannon Beach, about 4 hours, for lunch.). Doing more at Mars Hill. I was moved into the service lead for the security team at the 0830 and will hopefully start doing stuff with PROXY, the youth group. That is about all I care to share at this point.

Life is going pretty good. It is definitely better than I deserve.

It is tomorrow.

Why is racism?

2006-01-16T14:59:00.000-08:00

A quick thought, not even really developed, but since I was sitting at the computer…

Why is racism?

Why is there racism at all? Really, it doesn’t actually make sense in the bigger picture because all it does is make things worse for everyone. Here is an idea from Searching for God knows what.

Remember the question back in grade school? There are five, seven, ten people in a lifeboat; a white male lawyer, and black female doctor, a crippled boy, a stay-at-home mom, a garbage man, a, you figure out the rest. A decision has to be made. For the rest of the people to survive, one person has to be thrown overboard and killed. Murdered that is. Who would you pick? I remember doing this in junior high. I am guessing everyone has done this little sociological test at one point or another. It is a great test to see how people think, but what about the idea of the test itself. Where did the idea that not everyone gets to survive come from?

I think that this test is a marker of how we think, we meaning humans, all of us. There is something inside of us that makes us think that not everyone is going to survive and so it is an issue of figuring out if you are the one at the bottom of everyone’s list and are going to be thrown overboard. When we start to think this way… Start! It isn’t a matter of starting it is one of continuing; we didn’t start this fire, and when I say we, I mean those humans living today. Since we think this way, it is everyone’s goal to not be on the bottom. Racism is maybe the easiest way to not be on the bottom. If you can discount an entire race of humanity, then you are already above and safer than a certain large percentage of the population. That makes sense, but only in the context of someone being thrown out.

But what if? What if there isn’t a top and bottom or being thrown overboard isn’t a bad thing? That would mean those that are are laughing at the rest of us who thought we were succeeding. But I can’t say for sure because I am pretty sure I am still in the boat. There are a lot of people in my world below me. Sad, I know, you don’t have to point it out.

Chew on that for a while.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Adam and Eve

2006-01-05T22:10:00.000-08:00

There have been a number of things running through my mind these past weeks and I should probably split them into a few different posts. The problem is I haven’t seemed to be able to post even a little in that time so here goes.

The first thing that must be said is probably the most profound statement ever made. And when I say profound, I don’t mean by me, I mean profound in the whole history of the universe, the whole history of humanity. And it isn’t anything that probably any of you haven’t heard a hundred times before. So why I would even say it now doesn’t make sense to me, but just the other day it hit me again. Like a ton of bricks it hit me. And here is that profound, utterly fascinating and wholly unfathomable statement:

God Loves You!

I know what you are saying, or maybe thinking because if you are saying it then you are probably getting some weird looks (that is if you are at the library or a coffee shop). You are thinking, “Duh! Of course He does!” But here is where I feel a little like Robin Williams.

“God loves you”
“I know”
“No you don’t, God loves you.”
“I know”
“No listen to me son, God… loves… you!”
“I know that”
“God loves you”

“God loves you”
“Don’t f#% with me Jesus, not you”
“God loves you”

We don’t get it. I don’t get it. Every once in a while, on that small island called my mind, I see a glimpse of this reality. And when I do, it is so scary and amazingly wonderful at the same time, that every time, I do just like Will did. See here is a truth that is so far beyond my comprehension that I quickly pass over the depth of the thought. Even now I can’t explain it, not here. This is a thought for people so much smarter than I. People like the following authors whose books that have brought about the second and last of my ideas.

(Lets pause a moment and discuss tonight’s refreshment. I am at my buddy’s, Chris Landry, place. It is an Army weekend and Chris is so incredibly kind each and every one to offer up his home and his spirits. Tonight’s is a 10 year old single malt whisky from The Balvenie Distillery, Banffshire, Scotland. Good stuff. You might remember that I drink it straight, no ice. I love to hold it in my mouth and savor the flavor. A really good scotch goes down so smooth you don’t even feel it. This isn’t that, but it is still good enough to savor. Good enough to hold for a moment, breath deep and then let it trickle down the back of your throat and settle in your stomach. A warm sensation begins deep inside as it melts into me and reminds me of the good old days back in ‘05 when life was simpler. Oh…, what a trip!)

There have been a couple ideas that have been exploring my island recently and meet tonight. The first comes from the series of Eldridge books. When God spoke, He had a plan. That plan was screwed up by its participants and the result was a big mess for all involved. Now it is probably sacrilegious or something to say that The Big Guy was in a mess, but it is starting to appear that way to me. But I don’t want to go into that, our mess is obvious. Eldridge, and now his wife, say that everyone is messed up and guys and girls are both screwed, but in different ways.

A guy is screwed in his strength. His biggest question is, “Do I have what it takes?” He, and when I say he, I mean me, goes through life trying desperately to answer that question. And because we are all in a mess, that answer tries to come from many places, but in the end, only one place knows what the answer is and can hence give it as the ultimate satisfaction of said man, i.e. me. Unfortunately, like Will, we miss the point so often and look at all the false answers instead of The Answer.

Women are screwed in their, well something else, and they ask everyday, “Am I lovely?” And just as sadly as the men, they look for the answer in the myriad of places that would be so willing to sell their dime store excuses to the fallen. In the same way for both men and women, “there can be only One.” So two halves to humanity, two questions. But are there really two questions?

No, there really is only one. “Who am I?” Since the man is intricately designed to be defined by his strength and likewise the women was woven in time to be the climatical being of glory, that one question is foundationally divided at its root. And my question simply is, “Why?”

An answer follows:

I am in the middle of reading “Searching for God knows what” by Donald Miller. (I feel a little guilty because I was at a talk he gave back in late November early December and it was very thought provoking. Normally I would have penned my thoughts for the masses, but there were other things going on and writing had taken a back seat. I wish I could say my car accident was one of those things, but it was at the earliest a week later so I can’t use that great and sympathy producing one.) Only a few chapters in, to be exact, and the theme of the book I have picked up on is one of relationships. This is what Don was talking about a few weeks ago and seems to be his mantra. “We are relational.” We were created to be in relationship. This isn’t a new idea, but here are some thoughts.

If God created us to be in relationships, especially with Him, then it goes without saying that we would be incomplete without them. C.S Lewis says that all throughout the history of humanity we have needed to be defined by something other than ourselves. There is an innate desire to know what others think about us. I, and all these other much smarter people, believe that to be true because that is how we where made. God made me and you to be in a relationship with Him, to be told by Him who we are, and when He isn’t there, we look for the next best thing. So when we ask, “Who am I?”, we are only doing what we were made to do.

Now here is where God did His amazing, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, thing. In designing us to be in a relationship with Him, he also made man and woman just different enough so that we would compliment and push each other to want that relationship. (Last draw, oh what simple pleasures.) A man needs to know he is strong and a woman, lovely. That can only be perfectly answered by The One that is both perfect strength and perfect beauty, but in our fallen state, we only have glimpses and traces of The Truth.

Moses penned the beginning. He writes about the trees, and the fruit, and the naked humans enjoying their personal existence. But is it all joy? Yes it is, for a time. So then what about the aloneness? The pre-taking-a-bite-for-crime aloneness. It is there, and as Sailhamer through Miller points out, it was a good bit of time. God states that it is not good for man to be alone, and then he proceeds to parade the entire earth before him so that they all can get into the phone book. Guesses are that it was maybe a hundred years. So God says, in his best impression of James Earl Jones, “You need someone, lets slow cook for the next five score and really build the anticipation.” Granted Adam probably didn’t know what was coming, but if he did, he was one patient man. What was Adam doing for that 100 or so years? Working, yes. Keeping busy, no doubt. But was he complete, no.

This is where I start to wonder, “What was God accomplishing in those hundred years?” If I can relate it to my own life, He was making Adam into the man He wanted to be in a relationship with. Adam, like the rest of us, needed to grow.

So God used the waiting for Eve to mold Adam, just like he probably uses the waiting in our, my, life to mold us, me. And this helps answer those two questions. A scenario:

A man needs to know he is strong; he needs that confirmation more than life itself. What better way than to find it in the perseverance of earning the most glorious creation? A woman needs to know she is lovely, more than anything. What better way than to find it in the perseverance of earning the most glorious creation? See how we fit together. If a man doesn’t strive, work, endure, endeavor, pursue, then what is the value of the accomplishment? He has to do all those things. He has to. A woman has to be won with striving, work, endurance, endeavor, pursuit. She has to. I am not saying that a man and a woman complete each other, not at all. I am saying that a man and a woman are tools used to complete each other. We are all tools.

My good friend Anjie honestly asked what a woman should do when it comes to relationships. Things seem to be broken in the whole relationship system, and I have spent a good amount of time talking about what a dude should do, but what about the other 50% of the world. Well, they have to be pursued. Is that easy? It would seem so at first glance. “Hey, boys, here I am sitting on my porch waiting, come, pursue.” In my mind, that seems like the easier road. But ask any girl, and I have, if it is easy to wait, and they will let you know the real truth, sometimes more than once. Heck no it isn’t easy. With each passing day, their question isn’t answered in the affirmative and hence is answered in the negative. Just as with each passing day for a man, their question is answered, “maybe you really don’t have it?”

So they have to be pursued, and in my black and white world, the longer and harder the pursuit, the louder the YES is the answer of the questions on both ends. I am starting to think that the system is harder for the ladies because they have to deal with a class of men that are wimps, that give up well before the questions can be truly answered. I don’t blame them for giving in to early in the downward spiral that is this world. I wish they wouldn’t, but I don’t blame them.

So the next, and last, question is, “is it all worth it?”

Heck Yes!!!

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Now What?

2005-12-19T18:17:00.000-08:00

Here is the deal, if confusion was a person, their name would be Jason Haggard. But this isn’t unusual. As you may have guessed, questions are much more common in my life than answers. Or maybe that isn’t the case, the answers are just more difficult to find or maybe except.

If two people enjoy being around each other, are, by their own confession, attracted to each other, and most importantly, desire the same end product in their separate lives, then it would only make sense that those two people should be together. But my dad always said that there is the right person AND the right time; you need both to make a match. If it is the right person but not the right time, then patients is necessary, along with wisdom and perseverance. If it is the right time but not the right person then, again, wisdom is much needed, but this time discernment and faith are indispensable. Then comes the all to obvious question of after seeing that something isn’t right, determining which of the two the culprit is. And that is where I stand today, or at the very present, sit.

It would only make sense, but as I am seeing now, that sense isn’t always something that is made in this world or especially life.

Let the pain begin again. The pain of uncertainty. Why has it begun? What has changed that would cause me to wonder with greater intensity at each passing minute why she is not calling me back. I sit here now, that voice mail hanging out there, my heart with it. For a time I can suppress the thoughts. Write them off to a busy day, a time at church, work, or other. But as time passes, each other becomes impossible. Impossible in my self-centered mind because what could be more important than I. 30 minutes for an important TV show; 1 hour for church; an hour and a half for a movie; 2 hours for dinner with friends so as to not be rude; 3 hours for family; 4 hours on a plane; 5 hours for what?; 7 hours to sleep. At some point this mind can’t reason away the hours. So when does this point happen? Maybe last week I never had to ask this question because it was never more than a few minutes, but that can’t be the case because I know that right now it has only been 1:30 hours and there have been longer delays. It is my faith and trust, those have been abolished. I hate this.

It all worked out

2005-12-10T11:52:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, my car was sold for $2000.00. The check was delivered last Saturday, I mailed it to my bank, the money was deposited on Wednesday and now I am no longer the proud owner of a piece of junk, but I am looking to buy another piece of junk for about $2000.00. Any recommendations?

Oh shoot!!

2005-12-02T14:55:00.000-08:00

It has been an interesting couple of days and unfortunately I am not really in a mood to talk about them, but since I feel like those people in my life who care would want to know, and instead of sending out a mass email, I realize that a blog does the same thing and only worries people that look at it, I am writing this. Last night while driving to a friend's house, I was hit by a young lady as we both entered an uncontrolled intersection at the same time. She ploughed into my front left fender and succeeded in making my car un-drivable. After much discussion, we decided to handle this without the authorities or insurance companies. Which wasn't difficult seeing that she didn't have an insurance company, or a driver's licenses for that matter. Long story short, she is going to buy my car for $2000.00, which is more than it was worth, but less than what it is going to cost me to replace it. So now I am in the market for another car. Oh, and I am fine if any of you were wondering.

She is supposed to stop by the house tomorrow and give me the money. We will see!

It is tomorrow.

Jason

To a Hammer...

2005-11-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

So I was listening to the radio on the way home from the thing that I do on a fairly regular basis for which I am not getting paid but most would consider work but I don't since I am really against the idea of work, and the dude on the radio made this statement:

"To a hammer, everything looks like a nail!"

He said it like it is a common cliche. I have never heard that saying before. Now, granted, I haven't heard everything there ever is, but he said it in such passing that I felt like I should have heard it a hundred times before, but the thing that caught my attention is the coolness of the statement.

Anyway, I just thought that was worth mentioning. I don't have anything else to add.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Where in the world?

2005-11-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

I found this site and normally don't like these sort of surveys, but this one was interesting. I love to travel so I figured here wasa good place to save the link.

Here are all the countries I have been to, 17 in total. One day, I would love to fill this in completely.

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Nothing is easy!

2005-11-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

Why do we do it at all? Interact with another human being that is. There is nothing easy about it. Well, almost nothing. Let me explain. Better yet, let’s talk about the movies.

I watched When Harry met Sally today. It is possible that I had seen that movie before, but doubtful. Maybe at one time or another, I had seen the entire movie, but today was probably the first time I did it in one sitting. It is a good movie. Actually it is a great movie. A lot of it had to do with the intelligent comedy. Intelligent comedy is my favorite. (Intelligent comedy, as opposed to stupid comedy, comes from the proper use of timing, dialogue and subject rather than crass and lude sexual jokes. Austin Powers Goldmember, watched two days ago, falls into the second category.) It has been a while since I have seen anything with Billy Crystal in it and I forget how funny he really is. But I didn’t come here to write about the comedy of the movie.

When Harry met Sally was also a great movie because it so aptly described relationships, male female ones. Remember the scene near the beginning where Harry is telling Sally that guys and girls can’t be friends because the whole sex thing gets in the way and messes everything up. He goes on to explain his theory further and you will just have to watch the movie if to get those comments. I am not sure if I completely agree with Harry. I would say he is mostly true, but there is the aspect of a “brother” “sister” relationship between a guy and a girl that is possible, I think. Possible, although very difficult. Which brings me back to nothing being easy.

There are a few things going on in my life right now that bring all of these ideas to a head. Some of them have to do with my life itself, and others, the lives of people I know. There will be much greater detail when discussing my life and protective vagueness about the other people. I will start with the others.

I have four housemate, three girls and one guy. Interestingly, my relationship with the three girls is a little closer than with the guy. Some of that has to do with my being in a bible study with the girls, but mostly it is due to my own propensity to hang out with girls instead of guys. (This is an issue with me and something that I probably won’t discuss here. I could go as far as to say it may be a sin that I struggle with, but I won’t. Besides, I think that if you hold things in and don’t address them, it makes things better and they eventually go away.) So with these new relationships, come new insights, and opportunities to put my foot in my mouth and all sorts of fun. But I have also been able to get a closer look at relationships, something I am keying in on because of my own circumstances which I will discuss later.

One of the roomies is working on a friendship. Without going into details, God has told her to obey Him and change some things and now she is dealing with the difficulty in that obedience. I have watched and listened to a lot of what is going on and my conclusion is that, “relationships are hard.” There is also some tension in the house itself. No one is perfect and our living under the same roof brings out personality conflicts and issues that probably wouldn’t exist in another setting. Again, I look around and all I see it that, “relationships are hard.”

So I stand here, (sit actually) and ponder again, “Why do we do it at all?”

Here is an idea:

Somewhere it is written “it is not good for the man to be alone.” OK, why, why, why is it not good for man to be alone? Maybe because we were not made to be alone. Now, to agree with me on this you have to agree with me that we were made and didn’t just happen, but that is a debate you will never see me have. Assuming you agree with me, then if we were made that way, then the important question to ask is why were we made to be in relationships? And what are we supposed to do about it?

My answer is that we were made to be in relationships so that ultimately we could be in a relationship with our Maker. Simple, yet so complex at the same time. Again, I don’t have an explanation for this, it is just my hypothesis. But again, assuming I am right our relationships here, the boyfriend or girlfriend, the mom, dad, brother, sister, the roommate, the wife, the husband, the child, all of these, are showing us a little of what it is like and training us a little more about how to be in a relationship. This way we can ultimately enjoy a perfect relationship with our Maker.

That being the case, I am all for relationships. We should strive to work out each of ours with those around us. See each one as an opportunity to grow and mature. What we should not do is run from them, or try and escape when the going gets tough. And it will get tough.

I recently read, The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis. In it he is describing Hell, but in a very different way. Hell in the book is a place where humans go and get everything they want. Initially that wouldn’t seem like a description of Hell, probably because all of you have been so engrained by the Judeo-Christian/Western description of Hell as this hot place that devils and demons will torment bad people like Hitler for a long time, but not forever because forever is a concept you can’t wrap your mind around. But Lewis goes on to explain that in this Hell, humans have taken to extreme the lifestyles that we see becoming a reality in this world. In Hell, the humans are not forced to do anything they don’t want to do, and the result is surprising. See, Hell there is huge; everyone is spread out over millions and millions of miles because nobody wants to interact with anyone else. We get what we want. Things start out fairly normal. A couple meet and are together, maybe even living in the same place. Eventually things become difficult in their relationship and instead of working things out, because it is so easy to move and get another house apart from each other that is what happens. Now the two only have neighbors to deal with. But after a while some thing becomes hard in that place and again, the people move to a neighborhood all their own. This happens again and again until every person in Hell is completely separated from everyone else, no interaction what-so-ever. By the end of the book, we get what we want and what we get sure sounds like hell to me.

There is another story I remember that sounds a lot like hell. In Blue Like Jazz, Don tells of this astronaut that gets lost in space, floating around the earth. Everyone back on earth thinks he is dead so no one goes looking for him. The problem is that he is stuck in this special space suit that will keep him alive. He ends up circling the globe for 50 years, unable to die, communicate with anyone, but always seeing the earth. In the end, old age triumphs and the man dies nothing like a man. Again, sure sounds like hell to me.

I have been trying to conceptualize these two stories in relation to eternity. It is too difficult to do because the idea is too horrific. That concept of hell is much more devastating to me than fire and torment. Which is why it perversely makes more sense. More upsetting than this idea of hell is what I see happening today; how we are starting this separation right now. Everyone lives in their own little world: head-phones, ipods, single passenger drivers, Internet, bill-pay, alberstons.com, telecommuting, direct-deposit, WOW, Sims, Netflix, and so much more. Relationships are replaced with a computer screen, sex with porn, reality with fantasy. Sorry, I got of subject a bit.

All of this relationship crap has hit me because of my own situation. As I have expressed before, I would really like to be married. I desire that because of everything I said before about relationships training us for what lies ahead. The relationship with my Maker before of me, I see marriage as probably the closest manifestation under the sun. What better way to practice? Because of this, I am keenly aware of those around me that could be a potential mate and frankly I am looking at every interaction through that lens. It sounds bad, so feel free to convince me otherwise.

But it is hard. It is hard to put yourself out there and be open and vulnerable. It is hard to sit down to the computer for the sixth or seventh time in a day and still not have an email from that one person. It is frustrating to call and get the voicemail, or look for them at church and they not be there. To talk with them and just get this feeling like you did something wrong and now what you thought was interest seems to be ambivalence. To second guess, and triple guess, and quadruple guess your words, their words, their lack of words. Do I call now? Or maybe wait a few hours because I don’t want to seem too anxious. I sent an email and haven’t received a reply. Would it look over zealous to send another? But I really have something to tell them. All these decisions and options and you know what they say, “life is a lot simpler without options.”

Relationships are a continual series of options. One decision after another and that is what makes them so hard. But that is also what makes them do their job of helping us grow, change, and ultimately mature. It is a wonderful Catch 22.

So I met this girl in Colorado. She loves the same God that I do, is beautiful, and wants to work with teenagers in Europe. Talk about the perfect girl. Too bad she lives in Nashville. Nothing is easy. We have been talking and email a little bit here and a little bit there. Our last conversation was eye opening to say the least and it certainly didn’t turn out the way I had hoped it would. The place I go to on Sundays often discusses the issue of marriage and is generally, extremely, personally, convicting. One thing they harp on is that it is the dude’s responsibility to be responsible. The dude will step out; the dude will take the chances; the dude will risk heart ache and rejection; and the dude will do all of this with the confidence of God. Nothing is easy. So with those convictions, I did just that and was, in my heart, shot down.

“Crash and burn?”

“Slider… you stink!”

It is for the best though because my confidence is in God… Nothing is easy.

What am I going to do now? Pray about it and try to have that confidence thing that seems to elude me at the moment. Dwell on this for a while:

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Who can be a father?

2005-10-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

She is sleeping on my chest. Her beautiful blue eyes are covered by the delicate eyelids that are squeezed shut on this lazy Wednesday afternoon. Mom is in the kitchen doing some cleaning so it is my job to watch the baby. Watching the baby for me means lying on the couch and having her rest in my arms. It is very easy work, assuming the little angel is asleep as Taylor has been. There is something about holding a baby in your arms. They are like old men, go from sleeping to awake and back to asleep, in between breaths, only unlike old men, their waking moments normally are accompanied by a short cry. A couple times when Taylor began to cry Tiffany asked if I wanted her to take her, but I knew that the crying was only because she needed to shift her head from one side to the other and that the crying would fade as quickly as it started.

We laid there for a good two hours. First I was praying, praying about the father I may be one day. When you hold a young babe in your arms, only the most stone hearted wouldn’t think about the child and how their life is literally and figuratively in your hands. This baby is so helpless. It disgusts me to even think about how easily that life could be snuffed out, so little effort would be necessary, or for that mater, no effort at all, doing nothing could end the life.

Taylor is need. Her whole existence is based on the giving of others: her mom, her dad, her grandparents, even her uncle. It is not too boastful to say that without us she would die. So with great trepidation I hold her. What kind of father will I be? This one isn’t even mine, so these few short days in the morning of her life are inconsequential. I doubt I will remember them and she most definitely won’t. Or maybe I will. As I said earlier, she is beautiful and right now as I stare into her face, I long for one of my own. Maybe this moment today will be a turning point, a time when I realize with absolute certainty that I want this thing that I do not yet have? Maybe so?

Babies make noises. All sorts of quite gurgles and coughs, burps, bumbles, sneezes and floops. Her breathing is rapid, maybe 5 breaths to every one of my own. I think she is going to be a snorer. Her little nose hastily consuming and discharging the air around her and my slow breath as it covers her. I try to breathe away because I would hate to make her sick with unwittingly.

One thought that keeps running through my head is how close she really is. Our faces for all this time have been only inches away and that is an intimacy I am not altogether familiar with. Think about it, how often do you look so closely at another’s face that you can pick out each spot on their cheek? See the wrinkle in their nose, and count the little white heads below their eyes? I doubt even husbands and wives stare at each other this much. Someone would be accused of being a stalker if they were to do that with someone else, but here I lie, staring endlessly at her, not a single concern in her cringing, perpetually closes eyes.

Oh, she is smiling. Nothing has changed. I didn’t move and neither has she. There must be an innate sense of joy in that little mind. God has come down to look on his perfect creation and she can see Him, even if I can’t.

I could be here forever. If this one was my own, I wouldn’t hesitate.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Post of Joy

2005-09-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

Here is a little post of joy. A rarity I know because when something is inspiring I usually go deep. This morning I am making pancakes. Which I have to go flip...

I'm back. These pancakes are being cooked on my own stove, in my own pans, in my own house. Yesterday I made some banana bread in my own oven, using my own Kitchen Aid, and my own ingredients. One sec...

OK! So I am baking again, cooking my own food. Last night was spaghetti with a red sauce (out of a jar, sadly) and grilled chicken. But the point is, I have a kitchen. A lot of you may not know that I love to cook and over the last, what 3 years, I have not have the opportunity to do so with out the head ache of using someone else's stuff. Got to go...

That was close. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking enough to do it anywhere. One of the best Mexican meals was in Germany at the Swope's. But it is really home when I have the run of my own kitchen. I can sleep anywhere; I don't need privacy; my stuff is unnecessary. But my kitchen. I need my kitchen. Last time...

Wonderful! The pancakes were really good.

This morning put a smile on my face. Standing in my own kitchen, cooking, knowing where everything was and belongs, it is a great feeling. Everyone needs to know that I am doing great. God is very good.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

She will be odd

2005-09-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

“Either she will be odd, or she will make herself the same as them.”

“I felt the same way about my kid going there, but between odd and the same, you got to be rooting for odd, don’t ya?”

One of the best lines from a movie full of great lines. A movie that portrays almost every emotion and human relationship I have ever experienced in my short, sheltered life and some that I still haven’t. One of the best movies I have seen in a very long time. A great movie despite starring Adam Sandler (Adam Sandler of Waterboy fame).

Spanglish is a great movie. If you haven’t seen it, go! Go now and rent it from Blockbuster. Then sit down and think about your life, the decisions you are making and will make, and decided what you want to be, what is going to define you, and what is important.

There are so many complex levels in this movie, you can’t even began to explain them. But if I was a movie critic, or maybe even a philosophy guru, I would start by explaining each relationship. I would look at the marriage, the parents and kids (all three of those relationships), the wife and the housekeeper, the husband and the housekeeper, the housekeeper and their kids, and all the smaller interactions, and with each of those, an entire picture, a complete idea of human life, of psychology, of world view and culture would present itself in vivid color and magnificent clarity. I would write a book and enlighten the world about itself. But I am neither of those things and so all of these musings are probably grossly obtuse and remarkably trite.

“She will be odd, or she will make herself the same as them.” Isn’t that the dilemma that we all face in this world? I was made unique. Someone up somewhere designed me in a way that is so different and so unique that I have no option other than those. How could I have missed that before today? Why is it that some other writer, some other person got that and it took this movie to make it a reality in my life? Movies really are becoming the art of our time. I am moved more by a good movie than almost anything else. Sadly, more moved by a movie than even the Word of God.

I was reading something just a few hours ago and the author was talking about believing the Bible as the Word of God. The start of studying it and therefore maturing and growing as a Christian (something that I would like to do, or at least say I would) begins with truly believing it is what it says it is. If you can’t do that then, stop the presses, everything else is inconsequential. What is the point of maturing and growing if all that maturity and growth is built on a false foundation? So I assume that I believe it, but the earlier mentioned writer’s test is extreme. He said that it isn’t a belief unless you are willing to stake your life on it. And I don’t think you can have something extreme like that just any day, maybe only once in what would then become a prematurely ended lifetime. I see a Catch 22, how about you?

This feeds into something else I read. CS Lewis, in A Grief Observed, said;

“Apparently it’s like that. Your bid—for God or no God, for good God or the Cosmic Sadist, for eternal life or nonentity—will not be serious if nothing much is staked on it. And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are playing not for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing less will shake a man—or at any rate a man like me—out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the
truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.”

So it is torture! Torture will bring about the belief that I think I desire. That sucks! Maybe Lewis is wrong, but I doubt it. I doubt it not because he is one smart cookie, but because I have read the same idea in different book, collection of books that is.

Circular! Circular is the reasoning I am back to. You can’t believe everything you read, but you can read something that is believable, I think. We could twist on this idea for another few hours, but that would make for a long post and I really want to get back to a previous thought, so let’s make one assumption, it is the Word of God.

Since I, which obviously includes you too, was made unique, there is the option to do nothing and be “odd”, or choose, make a conscience decision, to make oneself be same. So when it says, “do not be conformed” what it means is, do not make yourself conformed. But can I say that with any even remote certainty? Making the assumption that I am accurate, then it makes things a lot clearer. It makes the other places that say I am not of this world, and the ones that say I will be hated, more understandable.

If I don’t choose to make myself same, then the odd will be rejected, loathed, even hated. It always has been, from the first day of The Rebellion till now. So is that what I, we, want? Is anyone even making a bid for those answers? If you aren’t then nothing I just wrote makes since and why should it; why should the general musings to answer a question unasked make sense?

Everyone is thinking about being odd or being same though. It is a part of human nature to do so. The grander questions about someone or something else out there may escape our daily meanderings, but asking why you are the way you are and why no one understands you don’t. Everyone realizes at one time or another that they are different. We obviously look different, but there is a deeper difference. As much as we try to fit in and “make ourselves same,” we can’t because we can’t undue something that we didn’t do in the first place.

We are different because we where made that way and the sooner I accept that, the sooner I can embrace it and thrive. I hope you get what I am saying.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Look at that!

2005-09-20T00:31:00.000-07:00

Left, Right, Left, Rig… What is that? Wow, look at that formation! The way the flowers combine to protect each other. Isn’t God amazing? Left, right, left... Another one, and another, there is a bunch of the flowers. And look at the rocks here, God is so strong He can pile up these rocks; what, that has got to be at least 13 inches high. The other day I saw this incredibly powerful trickle of water too, what can’t He do? Isn’t our God awesome?

The other day, Tim, Alex and I went up to The Enchantments in the Washington Cascade mountain range. On the second day, we scrambled up Little Annapurna. It was a quick two hour hike, and the view was magnificent. On the way up, Tim decided not to look up until we reached the top. He stared at his feet and narrow view to his front the whole way up. He wanted to experience and take in the entire thing at once, be utterly surprised. We knew that the view was going to be great. From the bottom you caught a glimpse of what was next. Little A has a gradual slope on its north face, very easy to walk up. But the south slope is shear cliff, jagged, jutting rocks and immense drop-offs. Quite an impressive sight had with relatively little effort.

Part way up Tim made a comment that I am still thinking about today. He said that our view of God is like this. We are staring at the three feet in front of us and that is our impression of God. He has revealed a whole world for us to see, but we are happy, actually euphoric, just looking straight down. What is up with that?

Ironically, Justin Weeks used a comment two weeks ago that is fitting here.

"Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us. We are far too easily pleased." - C.S. Lewis

Justin and Lewis were talking about the substitutes we are satisfied with, the things other than God that fill our days and bring temporal “joy.” But we are also “far too easily pleased” with our finite image of God Himself. We settle for this image of God as something that could exist on this small planet. We package this god very nicely and handle him at our convenience. Granted that is only reality. This finite mind can not comprehend the infinite Creator of the universe.

I wish I had taken a picture of Tim’s face when he finally looked up from the top of the mountain. Tim is prone to grand explosions of joy and he does take great pleasure in some of God’s most basic and wonderful creations. Last week was nothing less than a continual outpouring of that most child- like attribute which is only preceded by revelation. His face at the top was the best of them all because the anticipation, the waiting, the perseverance and the steadfast determination to experience something that big brought it about.

What would it be like if we could have that sort of experience with God? Everyday He makes new revelations most of which are either missed or ignored. But what if, what if we could look up from the small world inches from our noses and see the vastness and the greatness that is God? I don’t think you could stay the same, and you certainly wouldn’t ever look down again.

So why don’t we look up? What are we afraid of? That is just it, we are afraid of what we haven’t experienced because we haven’t looked up yet. One excuse that I have heard is that knowing God will force me to stop all the things I am doing today. How can I give up my friends or habits, my girlfriend or even wife, my job, security, home, or life, those things are all that I have and I just am not that much of a gambling man to trust that some ubiquitous God is going to see me and be there. I would HAVE TO give up sex with my girlfriend, the porn I look at, and the nights out on the town. Who wants to be a monk? That isn’t satisfying.

You know what I say? You are wrong but you don’t get it. You won’t HAVE TO give up anything! But what do I know? Not much. To bad you won’t even give Him a try because deep down, you are just…

It is tomorrow.

Jason

New pics on website

2005-09-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

I am posting some new pics on my website. There are new pics in Croatia, Greece, and Germany.

Enjoy

“And you’re the only one who knows”

2005-09-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

“And So It Goes” was playing on the radio yesterday. It wasn’t the Billy Joel original version. A young jazz singer, whose name eludes me, was performing a cover of it. At first when the tune started, I didn’t recognize it. Introducing the song, the singer said the name quickly and all I caught was “Billy Joel.” A few lines into it, though, I was in the mood, singing along and reminiscing.

Billy Joel used to be my favorite artist. It was in High School that I first started enjoying his sound. Barry Kral introduced us. Sometime during my junior or senior year, Billy was on his River of Dreams tour and a whole group of friends from my class went together for his concert in the Orlando Magic Arena. My parents even joined us and I thought that was the weirdest thing because I didn’t know my parents even knew what music was, at least knew about music that didn’t put you to sleep.

I had all of Billy’s albums. Glass Houses, Turnstiles, 52nd Street are some of my favorite. It was interesting because before I became a fan, I had heard some of his songs, Only the Good Die Young, Piano Man, We didn’t Start the Fire, but I hadn’t associated those songs with him. Years after growing in my appreciation, I would discover a new song of his that I had heard before, but never knew it was his.

What I am trying to say is yesterday was quite a flashback; flashback and flashback. Thinking back to the great time that my High School was, and thinking back more recently to some romantic relationships. Have you ever heard of the “drunken birthday call?” I can’t explain it from personal experience, but it has been described to me in this way. A man of any age and relational status is thoroughly hammered on the anniversary of the day of his birth. If not looked after, those men have been known to call women of their past. In their uninhibited state, they spout out all sorts of nonsensical idioms about: how their heart was broken, how they would give her a second chance, how they want them back in their life, how they hate them and wish they were dead, no I don’t mean that, I really love you, how the world just isn’t right without them in their life. You get the picture. As previously stated, I have no first had knowledge of any of this, but I can see how it could occur.

If you don’t know the tune, “And So It Goes” is a love song spawned from a recent love lost. Lines like, “If my silence made you leave, then that would be my worst mistake, so I will share this room with you and you can have this heart to break..” make it clear the emotions that set it into play. The room mentioned above comes from the first line, “In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong, to heal the wounds from lovers past, until a new one comes along.” For me, a love song of that nature brings back longings of “lovers past.” (I am not using advanced calculus to come up with my interpretations.) The words flow into my mind and come out the other end as a conversation with whatever “past”. If intoxicate at the time, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to make the call.

Why is that? What is it about men that cause these emotional releases at such random and distant times? My guess is part nurture and part nature. A man is raised to be strong, emotionless, dependable; stalwart in the face of adversity. The world promotes men of this type. Nature has seen us succeeding or failing at critical times and somewhere in our design we have adapted to that calling. The poor head of FEMA is a perfect example of a man, in my opinion, that was overwhelmed even before the recent tragedy; it just brought reality to a head. So he will go away and a capable replacement will be devoured. Men by their very nature are strengthened in times of trial.

So then what is with the obvious weaklings that make those calls? Those men are everyone. Those men have thought the same as every other man, only they are the unfortunate ones who express it. You can blame the circumstances, but truth is truth. It is The Truth. Inside every man is a mix of emotions dying to come out, but over the years and training, those emotions are repressed to the point of essential non-existence.

I love the quote, “Never grow so strong that your heart can not be moved!”

It is tomorrow.

Jason

PS: I found all the lyrics, just in case you wanted to know them all.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Under the sun

2005-09-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

A quick word as I have returned from Mailbu. First, it is amazing. Beautiful, magnificent, amazing. Second, Young Life and the greater Seattle Region are amazing. There is so much to talk about and process that I just wanted to say those two things. Nothing more.

Coming soon, with permission, will be a new "What I am reading" links section. I am stealing it from Justin Weeks because I am not afraid to copy good ideas. A slave to originality I am not, especially since reading Ecclesiastes and one of the obvious themes being that there is nothing new under the sun.

Enjoy the day.

Jason

Jared's fault!!

2005-09-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

I just spent the better part of five hours playing on the computer with my younger brother. Not a good start to September. Well, spending time with Jared was good (he is home bound because of the Appendix they just removed from his stomach), but September needs to be for something else. It is my desire that I pen an autobiography of sorts. I have been thinking about it for the past few weeks, but nothing has made it to the page. The biggest problem is that I imagine it as this huge task, something that will take weeks, if not months, and so I get all caught up in thinking about how much work it will be that I end up doing nothing and getting no closer to finishing it.

It also doesn't help that I have scheduled so much stuff into this month. I leave for Canada in the morning, butt stinking early morning; I got to be in Bellevue at 0400. Ugh! That is about six hours earlier than I am used to rising. But I am not complaining, this weekend is the Young Life leadership weekend so I will be meeting a bunch of YLers and hopefully getting connected with a school or area.

After that, next week is sort of open, but then there is drill (suck) and then camping, then traveling to Georgia to see the rents and bro. I get back on the 21st, only to start class on the 22nd. At some point, I need to think about work and then prepare for the two week, cross country, 5000 mile drive I will be taking to CA, AZ, TX, CO, WY, MT and home.

Busy life! On the go! Probably not good! When will things settle? Not until I decide I want them to be that way. Which I am coming around to the idea of. I have almost accepted the lot that I will be getting a full-time job and not just a temporary one. This will be my first fulltime job, not including the Army, in over five years. That is a long time if anyone didn't already know it.

Well, I got to get running. No literally, I am going for a run. I have only sat on my butt this whole day so I need to do something.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Hello World!

2005-08-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

I should be doing something else right now. There is no milk in the fridge, a book waits for me at the library, and the Young Life office here in Seattle is expecting me to register for the leader's retreat this weekend up at Malibu. (On a side note, don't tell anyone, but I am going to Malibu for the first time this weekend. That you can tell people. What you can't tell them is that the main reason I am going is just to go to Malibu. My intentions are all wrong, to meet YLers and grow in my Jesus relationship should be the main reason, but it is really is to see the camp and I have the added benefit of the people.) These "pressing" issues will not get done on their own, but I made the mistake of sitting down at the computer while eating my late lunch consisting of a turkey pastrami sandwich with the best cheese, Tillamook Cheddar, and red onions. Having full time access to the Internet at my new place, I can get on-line and check all sorts of interesting things. This time was to others blogs. Once again I made it to Barb Iverson's blog and once again she was inspiring.

Barb, you must write more because you are great.

In a subtle and insiders sort of way, she described with detail and emotion the short trip I was blessed to be a part of. It truly was a great four days and one that I will carry with me for years. Greece is one of my favorite places just for that reason. I won't even try to explain it, but read her comments and that is enough.

There is a second thing that I will comment on. Last week I spent at Lakeside Bible Camp on work staff with 18 others. The director, for the past five years, was Scott Golike of Grace Fellowship of Puget Sound. We had a wonderful week naming the elephant. Let me explain.

One day a little boy came to his father. "Today the teacher showed us a big round globe she said was a model of the world. She said the world was just surrounded by space. How can that be? Dad, what holds up the world? Why doesn't it just fall down?"
His father, knowing that this was just a child's question, gave him a child's answer: "It's a camel that holds up the world, son."
The boy went away satisfied, for he trusted his father and for the moment it made sense. He'd seen pictures of camels holding up all sorts of things. So why not the world? But then he got to thinking about it and by the next day decided something was missing in his father's answer. He asked, "Dad, I was just wondering: if a camel holds up the world, what holds up the camel?"
His father now thought that he might be in trouble. So, knowing that a quick answer turneth away further questions, he said, "It's a kangaroo that holds up the camel."
Again the boy went away, but this time only for a couple of hours. Back again with his father, he asked, "Dad, if a camel holds up the world and a kangaroo holds up the camel, what holds up the kangaroo?"
This time the father realized that he was in deep trouble. So he chose the largest animal he could think of and he put a capital on it. That is, he shouted, "It's an elephant that holds up the kangaroo."
"Come on, Dad!" his son retorted. "What holds up the elephant?"
His father, in a fit of genius deriving from necessity, replied, "It's... it's... it's Elephant all the way down."

"Naming the Elephant" is a book by James W. Sire. In it he is discussing world view. Though we talked for a week about world view, I still don't fully grasp it and therefore feel inadaquate to expand upon that topic. So what are we talking about, Jason? Well, I do like the story so how about it. Name your elephant, what is it in your philosophy that is all the way down?

Most people don't think about this stuff. Most American's that is. We are content to take life in its most simplest form, bottled for our convience and served fresh, fast, and hot. I have got no idea where I am going so who cares where I came from? But at some point the question arises, Where did I come from? Is this all that is out there? Is there more to this thing called life? And in the words popular today and taken from a incredably boring book that I couldn't get past day 27 of; Is there any purpose?

What is the elephant?

I am going to let you all, my ppls, dwell on that a while. If you are like me, then you will, if you aren't then you probably stopped reading this months ago.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Where are we going?

2005-08-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

What is it about the divisions we establish in our lives; the haves and have nots, where I was born or wasn’t born? What about my parents and what they do are don’t do, how much money is taken in and what car I drive? There are also deeper divides that cut down to the heart. Looks can play a huge factor in that division. Are you dark, light, tall, short, big, little, BEAUTIFUL or do you have great personality? It almost seems like I am looking for a reason to separate myself from everyone around me, and put up either walls that keep unacceptable people out or maybe only keep me in.

I am up at a definitive place of acceptance but even here there are divisions. And what about this word anyway. Has anyone ever noticed that accept and except are pronounced the same but mean the opposite. I accept you except you. Ah, it makes more sense saying, I accept you all except you. When they made the baffling English language, I am sure that they thought this one was pretty funny.

Earlier this evening, a stranger was in our mist. He appeared harmless enough, but in this world, enough is not enough. This random, slightly irregular guys was just walking around. Since the camp is private, Christian but private, unannounced visitors are kindly asked to leave or state their intentions. I had a few short conversations with Lan and he talked of being here when he was 14, probably 25 years ago, and here is were he met Jesus. Good for him, but now there are crazies, Class II sex offenders and sinners out and about so you are just going to have to find Jesus else where! Huh??

Maybe these divisions are for our protection? Be wise like a serpent it says. Makes sense in my little mind, but nothing else does so maybe this doesn’t make as much sense as I think it does. If not, then what? Let everyone run free, no boundaries, and no limitations. I don’t think so. I was reading about politics years ago and the author, whose name I don’t know, pointed out a deep difference between the two main stream parties of my country. He said that there is a philosophy about human nature that is the underlying driving force for every policy. One party believes in the inherent evil of mankind and feels that government must limit our nature and protect humans from themselves. If given the opportunity, man will destroy its self so it needs government. The other believes in the inherent good of mankind and feels that government and society have forced man to the decrepit state that it finds itself. If given freedom from those cultural bonds, man will pick its self up and improve to the point of better. (A European and an American are talking. The American says, “We are better! We work harder, we let people fend for themselves, and we have a huge military to fight our wars. The European responds, “You have a funny definition of better!”)

Which is right? Neither? Both? Former!

My problem remains. Run free? I haven’t seen it work. So we divide and conquer.

A short time later, I was invited to join a friend in a gathering of his friends. I declined. See, he has been spending everyday for the last 10 weeks with this group, they have created over this time a unique bond. All of them together, and without knowing it, they have formed their division, unintentionally and completely unmaliciously. None the less, it is there and for me to break in would be work, work beyond what I desire in this late hour. The term, fifth wheel comes to mind. So maybe we don’t from divisions, or we do, but not we the group, but we the individual when we feel that we wouldn’t be accepted without even trying. There is a word for that.

Or maybe we form divisions out of cultural driven habits? Maybe that one party is right? Somewhere, sometime, there wasn’t enough to go around. To survive you had to divide, you had to keep out some because putting everyone in the life boat sank the boat. It happens once, it happens twice, the third and successive times form a pattern, then a habit, then a culture. When there is enough to go around, people don’t know any different; but I was watching a one year old who had never known want and if he could have held onto that fifteenth toy, God knows he would have. Screams of the dieing were heard if you mentioned the word share.

Enough already!

It is tomorrow.

Jason

Wait! Wait! Wait! Say that again!

2005-08-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining in a perfect fashion through the pine tree out behind the house. Let no one say that Washington isn’t a magnificent place, maybe the best place on this planet. Here are some of its marvelous attributes. 1. It is green, green like a World Cup match for the Irish national team. 2. It is cool, but not cold, warm, but not hot. On an idle Tuesday afternoon when every other relative that I have is, I am sure, indoors, I sit here on the back porch enjoying the beauty and peace. 3. It is progressive. Every other relative of mine would call it liberal, I think progressive has much less negative connotations. So I sit here in the cool afternoon sun, reading my not so progressive Outside Magazine, day dreaming about my up coming move and follow-on packing trip into the Cascades and all around loving life.

It has been an interesting few days and with my new freedom of solitude, I have pontificated, among other things, the meaning of life, the value of the “church”, the speed of our existence, and the futility of it all. Solomon is quoted often that “all is futile.” What does that mean, all is futile? Does that mean give up? Does it mean not care? When asked what the two biggest problems today are, most people answered, “I don’t know and I don’t care.” Funny seeing that the answers are apathy and ignorance, in my opinion. So this time we are going to spend together is going to be a compilation of about three different things that I have read recently, one radio show that I caught the middle of just yesterday, and my own thoughts thrown in just to keep the painfully slow interested.

If all is futile then even trying to voice a solution is pointless, which means that writing these words or thinking these thoughts are a waste. But even though the wisest man that ever lived said it, I am still, pig-headily going to plow on, thinking otherwise. I have to, otherwise I would kill something, like this scary looking spider that has come to collect her silk entombed meals.

My solution, today, is… SLOW DOWN!!!

In a blog past I mentioned a new philosophy I have recently come to hold. “Start slow & taper off” At first when I read that and started referencing it in my daily encounters, it was just a funny saying and more of a reaction maker than anything, but today it has become more true in my thinking.

Here is why. Aaron Vederoff, my current landlord and good friend, is a 72 year old “retired but active” racquetball player. He is a wonderful person to talk to, is more than funny in a dry Jewish sort of way, and has his annoy quirks like the rest of us. One of those quirks is the insatiable desire Aaron has to collect things. He is frugal enough to be called a cheapskate, but obviously shares his life as I am mooching off his generosity even now. His house is a pile of papers; news print from the depression, magazines and letters from magazines that are collecting faster than they can be read, and thousands and thousands of interesting articles that Aaron wants to share, but rarely gets around to.

A recent article was handed me because of my new philosophy. Ellen Goodman wrote, Can’t wait to stop hurrying, and was recently published in the local “progressive” daily. She starts her article describing the much lost art of writing letters. Hers is a rant of the pace of life, a longing for times of old when communication took effort and words meant something. I agree with much of what she says, even as I hypocritically type this blog using my high-speed laptop, monitoring my camera cellphone and hoping that I am not missing an important email, like the one from that girl I initiated with yesterday. The point that stuck out the most was when she writes, “Continuous partial attention inevitable feels like a lack of full attention.” Everyone knows that mastering multitasking is getting ahead. If you can get thirty minutes of work accomplished on the thirty minute drive into work, then you can spend an extra thirty minutes at work getting done thirty minutes of work that you wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. Wow, I have been able to multitask my day into more work than I have every done before. (I say that from the perspective of someone that actually has a place of work, not my own, God forbid!) Accomplishing so much more work today, I have time to do even more tomorrow.

All is futile.

Ellen notes that teenagers are the extreme end of multitaskers. “Instant-messaging while they are talking on the cellphone, downloading music and doing homework.” She is mostly right, I doubt they do homework, but being one of the types that feels called to masochistically subject myself to the frantic, if not chaotic life that adolescents lead, my ears perk when their lives are mentioned. How, I ask, can this help me to speak into their lives and be a light? (To all the youth out there that read this, ha, ha, jokes on you, I really do have an agenda.) I think the answer is subtly mentioned in the same article.

“We suffer from the illusion that we can expand our personal bandwidths, connecting to more and more. Instead, we end up overstimulated, overwhelmed and unfulfilled.”

Being unfulfilled is huge. I know on my darkest days, it is a personal fulfillment that is most lacking. I know it is for my dad too. So, what can I do, how can I show those around me how to be fulfilled when even I struggle. Listening! Really listening! Not the multitasking-you-are-as-important-as-this-song-sms-e-mail-tv-show-book-advertisement-and-bird type listening that everyone is so capably willing to bestow. I want to listen while looking into your eyes, the entire world gone except you and me; but, as my wonderfully, trying to be more, patient sister can attest through my multiple failures to do so, I suck at it.

Maybe there is a way I can practice? An article in May 05s Outside points to one such technique, pain! In this article, Mark Jenkins is recounting a climbing accident that brought him to master the art of single-tasked, mind focused accomplishment. He too is sucked into today’s world of move fast and do, do, do, but when his broken wrist forces him to do the one thing his body needs and mind rejects, he sees the light.

“An injury worth the time will slow you down. Precisely what we all desperately need. An injury will make you do one thing at a time. You’ll re-remember that multitasking only means you’re doing several things poorly. Injured, you must focus on one thing for it to happen at all. With this singularity of focus come happiness, for you have been released from distraction, the most corrosive disease of the 21st-century life.”

It is the several things poorly that I need to learn. It is the several things poorly that cause those around you to see that they are unimportant in your world. To know that we are important is “what we all desperately need.”

My solution, now, is… SLOW DOWN AND LISTEN!!!

(I can now say that the battery of my laptop, in normal usage, has 1:35 minutes of go time. I have been forced to move indoors for the remaining of this post. Which is all the better because I should be wrapping it up anyway.)

Isn’t it wonderful how in just over an hour, we can move and grow? I think so. For all you out there who are doing listening well, kudos to you. For those who accomplished four other things while reading this, kudos to you too.

It is tomorrow.

Jason

How exciting is this.

2005-08-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't figured out how to post pictures the way I would like to, but this is working sort of.

I am sitting at a coffee shop which closes in 20 minutes so this will be short. I am back in Seattle, if I didn't mention that already. The first things on my list to do after getting back was find a ministry and I think I have that covered, Young Life is very active in this area and also church, Hope, is looking to start an urban youth ministry. Both of those are going to take some time so until then, I don't know.

The second thing to do is find a place to live. That should be covered also. I put in an application for this one place in Greenlake. It is a two bedroom place in the basement of a house, the owners are Christians that go to Mars Hill and I would be rooming with what seems like a pretty cool dude. He put on the advertisement for a new roommate, "Easy going Christian guy, likes to rock climb, looking for..." I thought, score, sounds perfect. I saw the place and besides a smaller than I would like kitchen, it is perfect. Now it is just a matter of being accepted, but I met and talked with the owner this afternoon and I think I am a go.

The next step after housing is finding a job. Job, I hate that word. But I know that it is essential, I can't live off of savings forever.

Well, my time is almost up so I will have to get back with all you sometime later. Next time I promise to tell you about my trip up here and driving off the road into a ditch. I have pictures and since I think I have pretty much got it down, I will post them. If not here, then on my website. Oh, be looking for a lot of new postings on the website shortly. I will have my first broad band connection in months so things should be a lot easier to post, pictures, pictures, pictures.

iHs,
Jason

Why doesn't this work???? If you saw this pic it would be of where my car went off the road.

2005-08-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

The before

2005-08-12T17:07:00.001-07:00

Almost gone

2005-08-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

In all its glory

2005-08-12T17:06:00.001-07:00

Here they are, maybe!

2005-08-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

I guess it is one at a time

2005-08-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

Here they are by Hello

My facial hair

2005-08-07T19:10:00.000-07:00

This post is an attempt to post some more pictures. I couldn't figure out how to post pictures and text at the same time. Here goes nothing.

Obviously it is, in fact, nothing. I just want everyone to know that I tried.

If you could have actually seen these pictures, you would see the final picture of my gotee in all its glory. The following pictures are of the gotee going away and the final is an impressive soul patch.

I tried.

Jason

2005-08-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

Colorado State Road 139

Day Last: Somewhere in Colorado

2005-08-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

You guys will not understand how beautiful this place is. There isn’t much to describe. I am on my way to Jackson, WY after staying with the Brownson’s in Grand Junction. The route will be mostly back roads. Small, two lane roads that twists and turn up and down the mountains. Presently, I am on one of those roads, far up in the valley. Being August, you would think that it would be less green, but instead I see a dozen different shades of green. They remind me of Ireland a little. But this is nothing like Ireland, this is nothing like Germany or Scotland, or Italy, or Greece. This is the most beautiful place on the planet.

The United States is blessed by God. It has to be because only God could bestow this kind of magnificence. I don’t know if I can leave here, here being the States. I will have to leave CO, because I would die in a few days if I didn’t, but can I leave the States? Europe was amazing, there were so many things there that enthralled and inspired me, but it isn’t America. America the Beautiful has new meaning now.
When I was in Germany and eating with Michael and Ruth, I asked them why anyone from Europe would come to the States. We were in a little town called Lautenberg. It was one of those old time, 1500, German cities. It was beautiful, and the history, amazing. So why would someone that has a place like that in their back yard come to a place where the old buildings weren’t even conceived in the 1500s? He told me it was because of the open spaces, the mountains, and the land. I see now what he was talking about. They don’t have places like this in Europe. They don’t have miles and miles of nothing that you can drive through and get totally lost in yourself.

Yesterday I was driving from Lubbock, TX to Grand Junction. Along the way I passed miles of nothing. There were miles of open fields that flowed as far as the eye could see, a far cry from the cultivated fields of Europe. Only Scotland had open space like this and it wasn’t nearly as vast.

There is also a smell here. Take a deep breath and you can feel the thin air as it rushes into your nostrils. I think it is the sage brush. Sage has a unique smell and there is a lot around here. I miss this place. I miss the mountains and the solitude and the expanse. Will I be able to deal? Sure! Right now, I just want to put on my hiking shoes (which are in Seattle) and trek into the hillside. Get lost for a few days and discover something that maybe no one else has seen in hundreds of years. For me, God is in the high places. That sounds pagan but even now as I think about King Solomon and the temples he built on the high places, I can imagine why he did it. To me it isn’t because those places are sacred, but because I feel His presence more there than other places. Tired and thirsty after a hard hike to the top of anywhere, I sense God’s strength and hold over my life.

As the birds are the only sound I hear, the sage fills my senses and the sun pours over the trees, as the long shadows of the mountains draw into themselves, I thank God because he has revealed Himself in His creation. Thank You!

Jason

2005-07-27T13:16:00.000-07:00

So are they trying to make a point? Just in case you didn't know the effects of smoking, leave it to the blunt Europeans to lay it out there.

Day 142:Hotter than a tanning Greek beauty!

2005-07-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

So I have tons of other stuff to do and in my opinion they are much more important than what I am doing right now, but I am doing this none the less.

Couple quick things then I must get back to the important things. Texas is my current residence. I am at my sisters in Denton. Sunday morning after watching Lance wrap up number 7, I left for Clarksville, TN and Fort Campbell, KY. My good friends Jon and Ivy Thoennes (pronounced tennis) live there where he is with the 101st ABN DIV. I stayed the night with them and then departed after breakfast for my sister's. The drive was brutal. Going through Arkansas, the temperature was 96 degrees with a heat index of 110 OMG (that is Gosh thank you very much). Thinking back to my days in the desert allowed me to charge through and get it done, that was until...

At mile marker 84 on I-30 westbound, my back left tire decided not to hold air anymore. The decision was actually made by the large nail that found its way into the rubber. Not to worry, right, I am an able man and can change a tire. You'd like to think so. As able as I am, it is next to impossible to change a tire without a jack or lug nut taker offer (official scientific name, don't ask questions). Discovering that small problem, I did the next best thing, called for help. USAA, for $4.00 a month has a towing and labor service available with its insurance. I have been a holder of that policy forever. I use it often too. Leaving the lights on and draining the battery(many times), locking my keys in my car (many, many times) , running out of gas (only once), and now flatting a tire (first time for everything), I have done it all and they have helped me each time. Long story short, I spent $52.38 for a new tire, delayed my arrival by 1:23 hours, and lost a few pounds in the heat.

Now back to what I meant to type about. It seems that a few people have opinions about WOTW and pics and they are choosing my blog to voice those. I don't want to discourage comments, I guess that is really what a comment is anyway, but I would recommend, GET YOUR OWN BLOG!!!

WOTW did suck. Only slightly redeeming was the final scene where TC sort of looked like he was going to mature from his dead beat dad role and grow some, but even that idea was only half developed and left open because he didn't really admit fault or change. Adam, I was wondering if reading the book would have helped; I am guessing yes. It is a classic and the movie actually made me want to read it as I said, purely curiosity though.

About the pics. Patients is a virtue. I have one questions. Would all of you rather me post pictures on my website or complete my Young Life application? Both things are pressing and the application, in my opinion, is more important. I will get to the pics, but let me at least get home, or back to Seattle and create a home to go home to.

You and I have wasted another 10 minutes of our lives, I hope you all are happy with yourselves.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

PS The goatie is being shaved today. Let us all have a moment of silence for its departure :(...

Day 139: Am I still on vacation?

2005-07-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

Should I still be counting the days of my travels seeing that I am sort of back? I don't know, maybe. Yeah, I think so because I started the day counting thing when I left Seattle and was driving in the first place.

Two quick things before I go to bed at the un-godly hour of 10:37 (notice I am using the American way of writing the time, seeing that I am back in the USA).

First thing is that we are fat. When I say we I mean those of us who call our country the greatest one in the world. I went to the mall today and I couldn't help but notice that we are fat. I am fat. I know what some of you are saying, "that I am too hard on myself and that I shouldn't think that," but it is true. You notice things a little more when you don't see them as often. Being on the other side of the world, a much skinnier side, I am now noticing that we Americans are fat. Frankly it is disgusting. (I hope no one is offended by that last comment, well maybe I'm not)

Second thing is that "War of the Worlds" sucks. When I say sucks, I mean it really is awful. One of the worst movies I have seen in years. Ironically though, now I want to read the book just to compare and maybe figure out what the movie was about. The movie had no plot, no characters, no redeeming qualities, no story or point. It was just plain terrible. I would highly recommend that no one go see it ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. I couldn't type enough evers. Don't see it in the cheap theater, don't even rent it. Watch the grass grow, it would be time better spent.

Fort Campbell is tomorrow's destination.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 137: Home Sweet Home!!

2005-07-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

I am back in the greatest country in the world. I can say that now with more credibility because I have seen a few more countries now than I had four months ago. Still haven't seen them all, so some assumptions are still being made.

For my first meal back in the States, I ate the one food that doesn't exist outside of the Western Hemisphere. You all know what food that was. Mexican food!!! La Fiesta! Que Bueno! Little do you know the irony in that. I failed to mention before now that my last full meal in Europe was Mexican also, but German Mexican which is more like crap than food. I won't go into the details, but it pretty much sucked. Which is why the meal this evening of one Enchilada, refried beans and Mexican rice was glorious. Eat your hearts out Megan, Jen, Marlo, and Matt.

Do you people know that it takes 34 hours to travel from Heidelberg, Germany to Atlanta, Georgia? Well it does. At least that is the length of time it took me. Three hours on a bus, five hours at Hahn, two hours in the air, 12 hours at Dublin, six hours 30 minutes in the air, two hours 30 minutes at JFK, three hours in the air. I would not recommend that traveling agenda to my enemies.

But all is good. I am back and it is good to be home. I have already used the toilets twice since arriving, enjoying the plush, soft, Charmin extra. I am also rubbing my much swollen mid-section and realize that I have brought back from Europe something that I didn't take. I must sleep now so stay tooned for more.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 136: Goodbye!!!

2005-07-20T01:55:00.000-07:00

(Administrative note: After reviewing the dates of my travel and double checking the timeline, I realized and have corrected the day that I am on. A mistake was made and if you look at the day of my last post and the date of that post, it won't line up with this one, but know that this one is right.)

It is my last day in Europe, this time. I have come to say goodbye and what better way than in the immortal words of Bilbo Baggins.

"I hope you are all enjoying yourselves as much as I am...

"I shall not keep you long. I have called you all together for a Purpose. Indeed, for Three Purposes! First of all, to tell you that I am immensely fond of you all...

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve...

"Thirdly and finally, I wish to make an ANNOUNCEMENT. I regret to announce that - this is the END. I am going. I am leaving NOW. GOOD-BYE!"

He stepped down and vanished. -- J.R.R. Tolkien, Fellowship of the Ring

A fitting tribute and words spoken better than I could have. There is so much to say, so many people, too many people, to thank and praise for their love and fellowship. All of you know who you are. You have meant so much to me over these last four months. As I have said time and time again, I will miss you all, and will see you all again. I pray that my return will not be long in coming, that God will bring us together again so that we can have joy in the reunion. It has been a journey.

There is one other thing that has been swirling through my mind for days now. It is a song and frankly, it has nothing to do with anything I just mentioned, but it is a great song and contains one of my favorite line of any song. Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls off of their Dizzy up the Girl album. I know some of you are having a heart attack right now because the Goo Goo Dolls are not the best representation of musical genius or would qualify in the world as ones who's songs are all moral like or upstanding, but get over yourselves. Here is my favorite line.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive"

As I mentioned, there was no point to that, but since it has been on my mind these last few days, I wanted to share it. Feel free to sing it if you get a chance.

Well, that is all. I have already said good bye so now I will leave with great words.

"Expect me when you see me!"

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day Something:Don't worry about the day, it is Greece and everything is way laid back

2005-07-16T03:30:00.000-07:00

So, I am down here in the beautiful country of Greece. More specifically I am in Northern Greece also known as Macedonia. Once again, Barb Iverson of Prague fame is looking over my shoulder and reading along as I type so my anxiety to be funny and extra engaging exists. I don't know if I mentioned last time, but Barb is an English major, has taught English, edited numerous print magazines and periodicals, and reads grammer books at night for fun, so if anyone can be intimidating, she is. Like just now, she has already corrected my typing and spelling three times.

Greece is a wonderful place. I unfortunately have only been able to spend three days here but it was enough to let me know that I will be coming back. As the time on my Internet Cafe computer winds down, I don't have enough of it to fully brief you all on the joys of this country, but I will tell you one delectable little detail. Baklava!!!

Baklava appears to be the new Greece version of the classically named, "Food of the gods" It is stufabulous. Baklava is a pastry dish. It comes in as many varieties as the American Donut, but is so much better. Tragically, I will never look at a piece of Vitamin K (Krispy Kreme) the same again. Let me reiterate that Baklava is nothing like a donut, it is closer to a flaky croissant baked thingy. It can have varieties including nuts, cream, figs, and other tasties. The piece de reisistance, however, is how all Baklava is soaked in a sugary, honey syrup like substance. Soaked doesn't actually leave you with a good picture. Drenched does a much better job. So imagine a bite sized morsel that is dripping with sweet wonderfulness. It melts in your mouth and your hand. Surprisingly, chocolate is not a widely used ingredient. Not necessary though, it is good without it. I only wonder how much more wonderful it would be with a chocolate cream. Hey, maybe that could be a new thing that I could introduce here and bring back to the states.

I have been in quite a few countries on this trip and one thing I think often is how much money could be made if one could simply transport in their entirety any of the many small shops or eateries from Europe back to the States. In Ireland, it was the pubs, Italy the restaurants, Germany the roads, and here in Greece it is the sweet shops.

Well, I got to run. Not really, but this is costing me money and there isn't enough time to talk about other things. I will tell you about the drenching of the humans another day.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 118: Bloggus Humungus

2005-07-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

WARNING!!! The following is extremely, extremely long. (I can not say extrememly enough. It took me three days to complete it, so don't feel bad if it takes you three days to read it. I have even made the text smaller to take up less space.)

Written July 4th

It is raining outside. Well it was about 5 minutes ago. Rain is nothing unique in Germany. It is actually pretty common, sort of like the North West. There is a problem with today’s rain; today is the 4th of July. For every American out there, the 4th means fireworks, and fireworks are firewon’ts in the rain. Hopefully the skies are empty by now and the fire will work tonight. Let’s hope. (Side Note, I am back from the evening events and the fire worked.)

I want to talk about last night and the 14 straight ours of computer games that I participated in at the LAN night. I also want to talk about my conversation with my dad just minutes ago. I also want to talk about the last two weeks in Italy and what Jesus was doing then. I also want to talk about my future and where I am going and what my “mission” is. I want a lot of stuff. But in the immortal words of the great Mick Jager, “You can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want, but you get what you neeeeeeed.”

My parents called me this morning, or morning their time, just waking up my time, which made it like morning. My day began at 00:01 while I was deeply involved in one of the many Warcraft III or Tribes II games played last night and this morning. I was invited to a LAN party at the Creiglow’s house. These apparently are a regular thing here in the Heidelberg youth community. A LAN party is when a bunch of self proclaimed geeks get together and connect all their high powered computers on a Local Area Network (LAN). They then proceed to smash into oblivion each other, especially any NOOBS. NOOBS being people that haven’t played before and therefore do not know all the short cuts and secret items that when purchased give you ultimate powers including +34 strength, 100% mana recovery and max agility. I never found or bought any of those things, but I was yelled at for trying to buy them and not being in the fight at the time. When you don’t know what to do and no one will tell you, it takes a little longer, sorry.

Seeing that my day started then, ended for the first time at 0830, and started again at 1400, when my parents called around that time, it was “morning” for me. It was great that they called because I hadn’t spoken with them in weeks and whenever that happens, I miss them. They are great parents. Both of them love each other more than life itself and love us kids with everything that they are. I am so lucky to have them as parents. I don’t thank God enough for them. If some of you are thinking that the former sounds a little like sucking up, it is. I am now about to reveal a frustrating conversation and I want dad to know that I love him and even though I get frustrated, it is those conversations that I feel are molding me and “disciplining” me more than if I just agreed and accepted.

The conversation with my mom and dad started as normal. Mom and I talk about various goings on. What things she has made for their house, how my brothers are doing, her job and the like. Dad is listening and patiently lets mom and I talk. At some point, dad and I start into a talk about golf, or Europe, or me, and then mom usually goes away. At least it seems like she does because you rarely hear from her again. This is not a bad thing; it is how our family works. Dad and I can talk a lot and when we get going, don’t get in the way. Today was no different.

Dad was asking about Europe and I was describing the ministry history in the Heidelberg Community. See last year there used to be two different youth ministries: the present MCYM (Beyond) and the now gone Malachi. Malachi is a part of Cadence International and they are still in other parts of Europe just not Heidelberg any more. I don’t know all the details of what happened before I got here, so if any of this is wrong, sorry to those that know the right. All I know is that Malachi stopped. Beyond took over some of the things and from what I gather, there was a noble effort to work together and that has happened to some degree. Why were there two ministries in the same place you ask? Well, I don’t know exactly, but I do know that they are both important and different. Malachi focuses a little more on maturing Christians; Beyond is a little more out reach oriented. When the two merged, it was and is important for both aspects of ministering continue.

Written July 5th

Oh, I forgot to mention why this conversation started. The LAN party was made up mostly of kids and adults from Malachi. That started my dad and I on the conversation of discipleship and as with most conversations between him and I, it turned back to me. I am starting to wonder if I want to talk about me, or my dad wants to talk about me, but that isn’t relevant here.

What is discipleship? Would I even recognize it if I saw it? I don’t know. I don’t know a lot and that was something we talked about. Obviously a part of discipleship is growing, growth of the younger as guided by the older. An older person should have more life experience, more grasps on the truth of life if only because they have seen more of it. So since I have been called to make disciples, I should know what that means.

My dad described all the things I had heard before while growing up and why it is important to grow and mature. I Peter 3:15 says something about being prepared to give an answer. I Tim and a lot of the NT mention things about false teachers, false doctrine, and how we need to fight against those things. So studying and knowing the Word and having a good knowledge base are important. Having a firmly grounded faith so that you are not tossed by the waves is important. This is where I start to have to some… I don’t know… confusion. In my mind I know what that says, but then I also know that the Bible talks about useless talk, endless genealogies and foolish controversies. I have seen in my growing up and especially recently how so many “Christians” argue about things of their faith that to me are so secondary. Where is the balance between good knowledge of Christ and useless talk? My confusion comes when they ask me what I think and my answer is usually, “I don’t know.” I used to know, but now I am not so sure.

Am I allowed to not know? Sometimes when I am hanging around kids, I feel inadequate because I don’t know all the detailed history and meaning and common biblical interpretations. If they were to start asking me a bunch of questions, I would probably have to answer, either I don’t know or ignorantly most of the time. Some times I feel like I should know this stuff, sometimes I feel like I really don’t want to know it. Well, I would like to know it, but I think there are a lot more important things so I am not going to waste time on it. Two issues my dad mentioned were Adam and Eve, if they really existed or is Genesis just allegory, and hell, is it a real place. My response to both of those is, I don’t know. The bible mentions both things and to me it seems like they are real, but does it matter? If some one is arguing with me about those things or any other secondary issue my first thought is, “what are they hiding or what issue are they avoiding by bringing up this insignificant topic?” I would rather get them and myself to the heart of the matter and discuss it. My dad and I argued about this for a while. As I said, I see his point. It is clear in the bible, but here is my point. Too many people, good “Christians”, lose sight of their first love when then educate themselves beyond their own understanding.

If I knew all the answers, then I would be scared that a kid would see that and desire all that knowledge instead of what is really important. Plus, I wonder if I could be humble in dispensing what I knew. I already have a problem with humility and that would only add to it.

Here is another thing. Humans are inherently lazy. I am. Given the option of working out your own faith, or having someone tell you what you should believe and do, most people would choose the later. I realized this about myself some time ago. It wasn’t until after college did I final start to seek things about faith for myself and not rely on my very knowledgeable earthly father.

My dad has been to a great seminary, he has a wonderful education and insight. He knows the truth and seeks to dispense it as best he can. When I was growing up, he was that mentor/guide for me. I would go to him with any question or issue that had come into my life and he would tell me what I believed. I didn’t mind and neither did he, but when I grew up, nothing made sense because I had not sought the knowledge from the source. My understanding was based on my dad. All of it was probably right, but that didn’t matter because I didn’t really believe it.

Because of my short comings, I don’t want others around me, especially young men and women, to make the same mistakes, which brings me to my mission/purpose. What is my mission? Ultimately it is to know God fully and see the world come to know God also. I know that is a very broad mission, but I think I will stick with it. If I refine it and narrow it then it is possible that I will lose sight of it. Lose sight of my first love.

Can I have such a broad mission? Part of me doesn’t think so. I don’t know why, nobody has told me otherwise, but I haven’t really asked. My life’s next step is to complete the Young Life application and work towards being on staff. I am pretty sure that somewhere in the application process, they are going to ask me to make a mission statement and the other things that go along with that. Can something that simple be my mission statement? I hope so, but doubt it. Life is not that simple. Life requires that you have complicated, deep, challenging ideals and philosophies that no one else understands. You have to be unique and complex otherwise you will be seen as inferior. You have to have specific goals because if you don’t have goals, how will you know when you achieve them? “It is not a game unless somebody wins!” I said that just yesterday so I know I believe it somewhere in the recesses of my mind.

Written July 6th

All of these thoughts stem from my last two weeks spent in Italy. Down there I was the leader for eight guys, five the first week and three the second. All of the guys knew of Jesus Christ at least in their heads. They had some sort of church back ground or previous encounter. This is significant because Italy Beach Break is very much an out-reach camp. Its focus is on kids that don’t know Jesus from Jordan, Michael. The activities, program, and talks are all focused on those kids. My eight guys had heard everything said those weeks before. Most of them had been to that exact camp before. When the topic of the day was how we are designed to be in a relationship with God, my guys where like, “duh!” This camp and many like it across the States and the globe are tried and true, their methods have been refined so that a leader of kids can very easily present the information and guide them. My situation was different but not unique. With my guys, it was less following the script, but challenging them to take the next step.

Church kids I understand. Being one, I can look them in the face and understand if they really believe what they know. So with eight “church” kids I went off script and tried to get them to go the next step. Did it work? Ask them in twenty years.

So here is where my question about my mission comes from. God obviously allowed the paths of each of our individual lives to proceed in His plan for His glory. The blind dude in John 9 was blind so that the glory of God would be revealed. God obviously gave me a history for a purpose. Was that purpose, is my mission to kids like me, “churched?” The first week in Italy, I had kids I knew and the “churched” ones worked best. The second week was an unknown but they ended up being the same type. Different issues and at different place, but still the same challenge was laid down. Coincidence, I think not! But I am not sure.

Here is where I end. This blog will probably never be read to this point because we are a generation that can’t stay focused for more than a few minutes. If anyone did get this far, bravo!!! Maybe I will tell you about the details of the two weeks: The ocean, Waterpark, Cinque Terre, and Pisa. Probably not. Just know that it was great. Glorious to be exact.

If you don’t hear from me for another couple weeks, it is because I am off traveling around South East Europe. I will be in touch with how things are going. I promise.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 115: Hello isn't that easy

2005-07-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here it is finally. For all my fans benefit, I have taken the time to download all the necessary programs that will allow me to post pictures.

Here is my first picture using all these new programs. As you can tell, I couldn't figure it out immediately, but then it turns out I did, but I didn't know it.

Anyway, I got to run, but before I do I just wanted to comment on this picture and the german culture. Germans Rock!! Only in Germany can you find a sign that makes sure you know what way you are going and that going the other way is the other direction. Well, I am off to get me butt kicked in War Craft III.

OK, I figured it out.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

2005-07-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

Lets try this again

2005-07-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a test of Picasa, BloggerBot, and Hello. If this picture goes through, then I will post more.

Day 115: Tapering off!

2005-07-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

I am trying to process and write down some thoughts from the last two weeks. There are about 40 emails in my in box that I need to respond to. The Clay’s house is full of entertaining things like DVDs, Internet (like the one on I am right now), music, food, quiet, aloneness, books, and all sorts of places to explore. Oh, by the way. I am staying at the Clay’s house for the next few nights. Corrigan Clay is down in Italy, Shelley and their daughter, Keziah are both in the States which means that I have the run of the house. It also means that no one is a round to tell me to do or not do anything in particular. I am suffering from a lack of…

Jocelyn Cary left a picture album in the basement of the Swope’s house. While I was down there collecting my stuff in preparation for the move to the Clay’s, the album proved too much temptation and I flipped through it. Jocelyn had added pictures of her graduation from Wheaton College in Illinois and the following summer in Alaska. On one of the pages, a sticker was placed off to one side. It was small and the words on it where short, but they said a lot. Those words are my theme for the next three weeks.

“Start slow & taper off.”

That should be a theme for most people’s lives. We are much to rushed, Americans at least. The Italians know how to do it, so do the Spanish. Spain invented the Siesta. America, like it has done with ever other aspect of the world’s culture, should adopt that part of it too. There is a great Calvin and Hobbes strip that captures this idea perfectly. Calvin is standing at the bus stop with Hobbes at his side. He is, of course, complaining. This time it is about the pace of life and how unhealthy it is. Calvin says that he should be able to start the day out with a cup of coffee, a nice leisurely breakfast, the morning paper. Ease into the day. Hobbes points out that the morning would be lost and it would be noon before he knew it. Calvin responses,”Right, and then it is time to kick back for a siesta and start planning the evening meal.” I am all for that.

Take now! It is just past 2pm. I am sitting at the couch typing this post. My morning started around 0930 with a bowl of Raisin Bran, glass of not from concentrate OJ, and two extra strength non-aspirin pain relievers (I will explain those later). Following a delicious and healthy breakfast, I moved into a QQT (Quality Quiet Time) with Jesus. He and I chatted for a couple hours, laundry got done then also. I actually started the laundry last night, but German washers and dryers take so long that I wasn’t able to finish it then. Now I am enjoying another delectable meal, PB&J, but not just any J. I bought some Raspberry preserves at the commissary yesterday and was pretty happy about that, but this morning I made a grand discovery. While I was out back sitting in the sun enjoying the QQT, I noticed the fence line contained some large green leafed vines with small red things attached all over. After a closer examination, I realized that the neighbors behind the Clay’s house had a wonderful garden and their raspberry plants had grown large and over the fence. The delectable little morsels had made their way into “my” yard and hence, based on the rules of possession, became “mine”. I picked them and am now enjoying J with fresh raspberries mixed in. It is glorious.

In my attempt to start slow and taper off, I have pretty much accomplished everything I want to today. If I feel up to it, I might join some of the guys for a LAN party, but only if I feel like getting my but kicked in War Craft III. If I don’t go and do that, then I will probably just hang out here, reply to some mail and watch a few movies. Oh, and watch Stage II of the Tour de Lance.

Did I tell you guys of my plans that fell through? I was hoping to make a quick road trip into France and watch Lance on his final ride. That isn’t going to happen, (tears roll at this point) so instead I am going to make every effort to watch them on the TV and cheer loudly when he spirits through Germany during Stages 7 and 8.

Here is a good place for the story to end, but I plan on continuing my time at the computer so another post will follow shortly.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 106: Italy 2 1/2

2005-06-24T15:51:00.000-07:00

There are 48 straight hours between MCYM Italy Beach Breaks. The busses and kids left last night after club, most of them at least. The next set does not arrive until tomorrow night. 48 glorious hours. It isn't like I am dreading this next week, or even wishing it wasn't, it is just that I really need some time away. This blog is part of my time away.

The Camp Darby library is open from 1000 hours until 1900. I will probably spend the majority of that time here. If for no reason other than the fact that it has air conditioning. This part of Italy can be described as warm. Not hot, just warm. I am enjoying the warmth, but just like most other humans, I long for what I don't have. Here, I don't have A/C.

Once again, there is so much to say that I can't begin. I keep sneeking away from this blog to look at other people's blogs. That leads to other people's blogs, and more people's and more and then I have spent all my computer time reading and not writing. Here are some of the blogs I hit:

Tiff's - nothing new.
Robb's - he is dating now, good job, I think
Adam's - too much to read
Cat's - still can't understand her
Justin's - sorry buddy, stupid article, didn't finish it
Jenn's - I spent most of my time there. It is weird to see more about a person through their blogs, but you get an even deeper insight from the comments left. I don't know Jenn that well, a few months, and the context that I know her in is Heidelberg, MCYM, Italy, Europe. She actually has friends in Ohio. Don't be offended Jenn, but it didn't hit me until just now.

I am curious how much I don't know about a lot of people now. We humans have such a small perspective of everyone else around us. I have thought about this before, but this week I was thinking about the relationship that God has with each of us. Let me put it in context.

This last week was spent with about 350 other people. Going into the week, I knew say 50 of them. That meant that there were 300 new people that I had the opportunity, if I chose to, to meet and build a relationship with. I started the week slowly, but then decided to get to know the names of the work staff. Twenty High School and College aged kids. I know all their names now, a little about some of them, nothing about some of them, and less than I want to about all of them. Of the 200+ campers, I met and know the names of maybe 25 above the 60 from Heidelberg. Including the other staff and volunteers from around Europe, I began new relationships or grew old ones with maybe 150 people this last week. These 150 relationships are all at different levels and all require different amounts of personal energy, but the key is, all require some energy. Heck, just remembering some of the names is stressful enough. Now, at the end of the week, you can stick a fork in me because I am done.

150 relationships and I am tapped completely dry. My question, or maybe not so much a question as a statement of awe is, "How does God do it?" He knows everyone, and more than just our names. He has a relationship with each human soul on this earth and with bllions of people that used to be on this earth. Amazing!! I am stretched and moved by each person that I meet and know. I am a unique individual with each person I know. Not because who I am changes, but the different aspects of who I am comes out uniquely to each individual person. If God really does have a relationship with each of us, then that alone would make Him a pretty powerful dude.

This next week is going to be especially draining because I basically have to start over. Besides the 20 work staff guys and gals, I won't know anyone and will have to build all new realtionships. Scary? No! Just tiring to think about. Which I am going to stop doing now.

I would write more about all that happened last week, but not yet. Partly because I am still processing all that happened. Hopefully tomorrow when the library is open from 1100 till 1700, I will be able to write more.

I have asked this before, and it caused a bit of a stir. I don't mean to do it again, cause a stir that is, but I am asking for prayer. I am tired, as previously alluded to, and next week is more of the same. In fact, I am going to sign off and go sit by the pool.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 99: Guilt has become me

2005-06-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed with guilt. Not really, but it seemed like a great beginning. A friend just sent me an email and she placed the straw on the camel's back. I have been thinking about what the next blog was going to be. Unfortunately, inspiration has to strike before words come out and recently there has been none. As I said, yesterday was an inspiring one, but that time has passed so now I am working on forced inspiration. Consider this...

Breakfast this morning is a bowl of instant oatmeal. Blueberries and Cream with peanut butter. I love peanut butter. I put peanut butter in everything. If you know anything about me you know that I love peanut butter. Today's blueberries, cream, and peanut butter oatmeal is a far cry from oatmeal with peanut butter, butter, and brown sugar, but I am grateful for what I do have.

Yesterday included two marathon games of Axis & Allies. If you have never played the game, know that one game usually takes about four hours if one team is inexperienced. If both teams know what they are doing, then the games take six to eight hours. Yesterday was the later so both games combined for 12 hours of play. I lost both games, which is humbling, but I also have many excuses for my lack of victory. But back to the peanut butter.

For a marathon day of gaming, as with any intense sporting event, the competitors require large amounts of nourishment. Yesterday was no exception. Knowing yesterday was going to be a war to end all wars, I stocked up prior to my arrival. At the commissary, I bought double stuffed peanut butter Oreos, peanut butter Chips Ahoy, Peanut M&Ms, and Reeces Peanut Butter Cups. Essential for hydration was four two liters of that golden, nectar of the gods, Mountain Dew, and because carbs are essential, we ate Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos, buritos, and all the other members of the -itos food group. It worked to my advantage because one of the competitors didn't like peanuts, more for the rest of us.

Unfortunately, even fully charged with peanut butter and sugar, I still couldn't manage victory. A small bit of joy can be had because I was the Axis powers both times so world order is still intact, otherwise we would be driving German cars and playing Japanese computer games on Japanese electronics.

Here is why I lost. In the first game, the Allied powers got incredibly lucky with their technology rolls. Right out of the blocks, they rolled three straight technology gains. As the game continued so did the rolls. In the end the Allies over-powered the Axis with to much technology. If that hadn't been the case, Japan had conquered the entire Eastern hemisphere so world domination was close. In the second game, the dice were against me again and this time in the form of unheard of luck. At one point, the Allied power of Russia rolled four times better than odds, we never really recovered. I am not sure how many hours of sleep I will lose over these loses, but it has already been a couple.

Sleep lose due to the loses will probably be the least of my worries. Today is the first day of Italy Camp. At 2000, I will be arriving at the Chapel and await the arrival of the students and then the bus. The bus is scheduled to arrive and bring us to Italy at 0300 Saturday morning. Until it arrives, we will be corralling the 60 teenagers and trying to rest as much as possible.

I will tell you more about Italy as it happens and after it is over, both weeks of it. Two days ago my friend Josh Butrin, from Bamberg, Germany, called me up and asked if I could fill in as a leader for his community. Things worked out and I am able to, which means I will be spending two instead of one week in Italy. France is not going to happen, but Croatia and Greece are still on the agenda. Wait, I don't think I have told everyone my plans. Before the change, I was going to Italy for the week, coming back to Heidelberg and then leaving on the 1st of July for a short road trip to France to watch The Tour. On the 7th I was going to fly down to Croatia, then Greece, back to Germany on the 16th and back to the States on the 20th. Now, France is out, replaced by Italy the week prior. Everything else stays the same.

My time in Europe is coming to an end, just over a month to go. It will be bitter sweet when I leave because if I didn't leave then I could come back. But now, I must think about today. Much must be accomplished before this evening and so my time here has come to an end. I am going to head out and purchase some things for Italy. When I get back, hopefully the mood will strike and another blog will come of it.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day something: Playing Axis and Allies

2005-06-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

I can't talk now. If you must know, I only logged on to tell you that I don't have time to type. That is unfortunate because I am, for the firt time in a while, in a typing mood. Right now, I must leave, pick up four teenagers, go to another teen's house, and play Axis and Allies till the break of dawn.

What I can do, is direct you to Barb's blog and have you read her lastest. It is really good. Click the link, something witty, i'm sure, and read about her Christ years.

Time has left me and I must be going. Wish me luck as I battle the teens in an attempt to take over the world. News of my victory will follow.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 92a: FYI

2005-06-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

Just to let you know, I updated my website with some new pictures. Be advised, in the continent of Europe you have to click on the country name to navigate to the specific pages. Enjoy.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 92: Grand Canyon

2005-06-10T02:34:00.000-07:00

The Grand Canyon. Grand Canyon. Tonight’s activities included going to the Hospitality House here in Heidelberg followed by the movie, "Grand Canyon". I remember seeing this movie years ago, probably in High School. The first time I saw it, I remember it as being weird but good. Tonight was no different. It is funny because I realize just now that I require some sort of inspiration to write. Something has to get me thinking and then words just flow. Grand Canyon will do that to you. It is a thinking movie. If you haven't seen it, do. Before we discuss the movie, lets talk about the place.

The Grand Canyon National Park, located in the South West United States is a nine-hour drive from Los Angeles. It is on the boarder of Utah and Arizona, with most of the park and hole in Arizona itself. It is huge. The Grand Canyon means a lot to me. In a sort of spiritual/worldly sense, I relate a lot of life to the Grand Canyon. Just like the movie, but I don't want to include the movie just yet.

When I was a freshman in College, I went with about 50 other students from Intervarsity Christian Fellowship to the GC. A couple of the students put a small Spring Break trip together. It started as a car full of friends and ended with a chartered bus and the 50. It was a glorious trip. I look back and remember it as one of my more fond ones. The thing about the GC is that it is next to impossible to describe to someone that has never seen it. Big is not a description. Any one that does try to describe it will never fully do so. If you have never been there and someone who has tries to describe it to you, listen, but know they are not doing it justice. When you eventually see it with your own eyes you will know what I am talking about. Which is why I am not going to say anything more than, "it is big", with the foot note of the bad description.

Here is a point. It is the same with a lot of things. My human experience and following description will always fall so short of reality. So will everyone else’s, but that doesn't stop us from putting them out there and attempting to convince others of whatever.

So in my mind there is a dilemma. We want people to experience the same things as us, but our descriptions will never do justice to their object. I wonder what that has to do with God. There is one side of mainstream Christianity that favors free-will, and another that talks about a big word, predestinedtodowhatGodalreadyfiguredoutation. I don't know which one is right, but I do know that my description of the right one falls woefully short of accurate. Smart dudes have been arguing their shortsighted sides since a boy started talking to his stuffed toy tiger. I ask, “why argue?” We will never fully know what is out there before we see it for ourselves and if you haven't seen it then you won't get it and if you have seen it, those of us that haven't still won't get it even after you tell us. It is like the GC, if I haven't seen it, no amount of adjective filled description is going to help.

But we do it anyway. Tell others about our experience or sightings. Why? Because I am human and selfish and what is good for me must be good for everyone else. And it is true. I do know someone that is good for me and good for everyone, but if you haven't met Him then no amount of my adjective filled description is going to amount to a hill of beans. (Does anyone know where that saying came from, "Hill of Beans"? It is so random and makes no sense out of context.) But I am going to wear my voice out telling you anyway.

This last week has been amazing. I have been able to spend time with some guys just hanging out and doing manly things like shopping for bathing suits. (I bought this great one that is definitely going to get me in trouble at camp next week.) Wednesday was the last club for the school year and we celebrated with a Water War Extravaganza. 50 middle schoolers running around trying to soak each other. Rules of the games went right out the window and no one cared because everyone was having a blast. Less than 50 high schoolers doing the same but with more force on the thrown water balloons. I stayed wet pretty much the whole day. It was cold too. My white T-shirt stuck nicely to my body and revealed the manly hairy chest and back beneath.

Has anyone else noticed that the popular depiction of a man is a skinny, hairless pretty boy? I saw an advertisement from the 70's and it was of this big guy without a shirt, covered in hair. Today you would never see that. Abercrombie has endeared us to the half naked, and sometimes all naked, boys has they laugh and hang all over each other. I remember being in Iraq and there were a couple girls that wanted to wax my back. I thought about it for a moment, then ask why they wanted that. Why would they want me, or any guy, to look less like a guy and more like a girl? They responded that it was cuter. Why would a girl want a guy to look cuter? Cuter? Puppies are cute. Babies are cute. Kittens, bunnies, two toddlers holding hands, and Shirley Temple are cute. Men are not cute; at least they are not supposed to be. It is sad that girls' minds have been warped to think that men should be cute. I don't blame the girls just as much as I don't blame the guys that try to fit into that role. I just shake my head in frustration.

With any water fight, the ground got wet. With wet ground comes wet dirt and wet dirt is also called mud. Mud, if you don't know, makes for great wrestling. Wrestling makes for great fun, and fun is fun. After wrestling, we showered up. I was good and clean, almost dry when someone decided that a mixture of Lemon Lime Gatorade and Worchester sauce would go great on me. I showered again. Can you begin to see how I love this? My day, my job, my purpose was to have a water fight, wrestle in the mud, eat hamburgers and Polish sausages, hang out with kids, and have fun. All because in this fun, I hope someone out there sees in miniscule amounts the dude named Jesus that is fun, is love, and is everything. I can't use words to adequately describe anything, but maybe words aren't necessary.

You know, who cares about the movie, I couldn't describe it anyway. Just go see it.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 88a: A great day off.

2005-06-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

It is Monday morning. I am sitting in the Swope's living room playing on the computer. Chris bought a wireless hub the other day and with the wireless card Corrigan gave him, we can now use the computer anywhere in the house and still be on the Internet. My plan is to be on the Internet all day today. Save for times I will eat and then the required bathroom trips to finish the eating process.

The Internet is a marvelous thing. I have mentioned before about all the blogs and how everyone and their brother has one, if not two or three. I now have two. I know a bunch of people with xanga sites, and since the big people in blogging land force you to have a site to make a comment, I have a site. My goal in being on the Internet is to catch-up reading as many blogs as I can of the people that I know. I already finished Jenn's (it was easy since she just last month switched xangas, I am wondering what she is hiding, and from who she is hiding it.). Next one, I don't know. But obviously it is difficult to read and write at the same time. I am not very good at doing two things at once( like talking and thinking), but I don't know of anyone that can read and write at the same time. If anyone out there can, identify yourself because I would love to learn how.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 86: I consider my self, the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

2005-06-03T01:26:00.000-07:00

Today has been a good day. No, wait; today has been a GREAT day. It has been one of those, things just went perfect, I am glad that I was born, God is good kind of days.

It started this morning at 0748. I got this new Timex, Indiglo, travel alarm clock. I slept in last Saturday and didn’t want to do that again so I spent $7.95. Because the clock is new, I wasn’t sure how long the snooze button would delay the inevitable. It turns out four minutes. Which sucks because you can’t really get back to sleep in that amount of time and it also means I have hit the button about 12 times to get my needed pre-get-out-of-bed-hitting-the-snooze-waking-up time. This morning I only hit the snooze four maybe three times. So just after 0800, I hobbled out of bed.

Hobbled because my body had rejected any sort of movement this morning. It went on strike because of the additional exertion it endured yesterday. Something came over me and I decided that yesterday was the day I start my exercise. The early afternoon included a short run, about five minutes worth, and then some push-ups and that is it. The real problems of today were caused by the futball game yesterday evening with the kids. After club, Corrigan asked me to join the kids. I would have regardless. It is no fair that my body has to be subjected to the same physical breakdowns of this fallen world. I would much prefer it to stay in line with my heart and mind and never grow past the age of 22. It also didn’t help that there were some girls playing that needed impressing so I was forced, force I tell you, to put on a good show.

This morning, I literally had to drag my sorry butt out of bed. My left knee wouldn’t bend because I pulled something in my hinter (that is German for butt). Both of my feet need a serious massage due to the cheap, none supportive, shoes I bought for a great price last Saturday. My right thigh is killing me, both groin muscles prevent any sort of normal walking, and my lower back feels so weak that I can’t pick up more than 10 kilos. My hammies are screaming at me. My ITBs need a good stretch and to top it all off, I think I twisted my ankle for like the two thousandth time. I really could use a 90-minute full body massage from Pam back at Green Lake Massage.

After the game, Megan, Jen, Randy, Austin, and I went out for ice cream. It was worth it because Meg game me some of Tom’s prescription Motrin, 800 mg ibuprofen.

I compromised with my body and promised that I would never do that to it again. Don’t tell it I lied. It allowed me to function enough to get out of the house and over to Chris’s office. I didn’t have much to do because I was picking up a couple guys at 1200, so I went outside and soaked up some rays while reading II Thessalonians. It was so exciting because I think I actually understood a little of what Paul was saying. Usually, I read a book of the Bible and have no clue what is going on. I can pull out the simple things; love one another; abstain from sexual immorality. It is the bigger, deeper things that fly completely over my head. But this morning I think I got it. Paul was encouraging the Thessalonians in their faith. He wanted to make clear that Jesus hadn’t come back and that they still need to live and work here on this earth. There is more, but that is the basic idea. I was pretty excited about that understanding because for weeks now, I have been reading the word with much confusion.

At 1200, I picked up Josh and Kyle and we headed back to the Swope’s for some Axis and Allies. If you have never played that game, it is awesome; my favorite game of all time. I won’t try to explain the game, just trust me; it is great. One unique thing about the game is that it is complicated so all participants have to be rather skilled or it just isn’t fun. The last time I played before today, I whipped up on Brent Rollins, three straight games. Today was different. Josh and Kyle were worthy foes.

It was two on one, me versus them. I was the allied powers, which I admit has the advantage in the game. It started off well and I started to think that it was going to be another easy day; maybe we would get in more than one game. But right as Germany was on its last breath, Japan pulled a fast one and obtained this super powerful technological advantage. Three hours into it, I had the game wrapped up, but then the tide began to change. I spent the next three hours battling for my life and was very close to throwing in the towel. There wasn’t much hope. Times were desperate. I was forced to put my full mental abilities into the game and finally I figured out the necessary strategy that allowed me to eek out a W. Kyle and Josh said that, despite the loss, it was the greatest game they had ever played. I would agree. We will play again.

With the game over, I drove the two back to Kyle’s place and then returned home for the evening. I had to stop and make plans for the weekend, it will include swimming, but it was important that I get home quickly because I had a cheesecake to prepare.

Let me go back for a second. As you guys know, I have never been a big fan of that thing people call “a job”. Job just sounds bad to me and that is why it has been a good five years since my last real one. Knowing that I must be productive, I have been looking for a compensating activity that doesn’t include work. I have found it. Today I spent 6 hours working, and working hard. The time spent with Kyle and Josh fell right in line with the “job” description of my current assignment. This is awesome; I get to do what I would do without any prodding, and I can even call it work. Life is perfect and that is the real reason today has been so grand. I have definitely found my calling.

Of course my realist father had to bring me back to “real” life and point out that all of what I did today was good but there is a lot more to this line of “work”. He pointed out a lot of the down sides to what I will be doing. Thanks dad. I know all of those things, but today, right now, life is good.

The evening was awesome too. I am preparing dinner tomorrow. The main dish is stuffed peppers. I also prepared dessert. I made my favorite cheesecake recipe and was actually in the cooking process at the beginning of this blog. Since then I have pulled them out of the oven and, much to my dismay, they are over cooked. The stupid German stoves have yet to cook anything right for me. The temperature is not right; the heating is uneven; they just don’t work. There is nothing I can do about that now, except complain, but hopefully, even over cooked, they will taste decent. Either way, my day has not been ruined.

Now, I must get some sleep. I mentioned in my previous post that Adam instructed me on how to reply to emails. Unfortunately, it is way late, and I am way tired. I don’t imagine that I will have much time tomorrow to respond, but I will give it the old college try. If not, then definitely Saturday… after swimming.

Until then and tomorrow.
Jason

Day 85b: My Genius Friend Adam

2005-06-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

So I know this guy named Adam. He is one of my best friends and the friend I have known longer than any other. We met my freshman year in High School, but didn't really get to know each other until sophomore year and really my junior year. He lives in Altamonte Springs just outside of Orlando, FL with his wife, Amy, now I believe, two dogs. Without trying to sound like I am kissing up, he is one of the smartest people I know, which says a lot because I know tons of smart people. He helps me out with any computer problems that I have. My website and this blog exist because of him. I tell you all this because, as you have read, his last comment has made it possible for me to reply to emails.

It is great. I can now get back with everyone without writing to them in my blog. I don't know how Adam knows all these things. He got his undergraduate in like Japanese or something and then went to Law School at WU, Washington University, as opposed to my alma mater, University of Washington. As I said, he is a smart dude and runs a large Internet/Doctor/Job finding company, www.thedoctorjob.com. If you are a doctor or future doctor and need a job, look his company up.

Adam, thank you for helping me out.

I have another post in the works. It will follow shortly.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 85: Messed up computer

2005-06-02T01:07:00.000-07:00

Things can be very frustrating when the computer doesn't quite work right. Like now, I am having lots of computer issues. First, my computer doesn't want to get on the Internet anywhere. The Swope's have DSL, but my computer doesn't like their DSL so it won't access it. Down the street is another friend with DSL, I could use theirs, but I didn't bring my wireless card here and I refuse to buy another one of those. Then there is the Swope's computer itself. I am not complaining, but their computer has some sort of pop-up blocker. The blocker doesn't allow me to respond to emails because my email program opens a new browser page when I try to respond and that new page is blocked. Don't ask me why. I have turned off every security feature I know of and it still doesn't want to work. (Feel free to advise me, but I am pretty sure that I have tried everything. They have Windows ME and some version of Norton.) The result of all of this is that I haven't been able to return very many emails over the last few weeks.

Which brings me to the purpose of this blog. There are a few people that I want to know that I am trying to respond to their emails, and will as soon as I get to another computer. So the following are to a few people that I am eventually going to respond to (though I am now realizing that I don't think all of them read this so it could be futile):

Max - Haven't seen you yet. I have been around, where are you?

Margaret - nothing particular, but you emailed me a while back and I am just trying to respond.

Anne - I hope you are still reading this. It means a lot to me that you do. You still doing staff this summer?

Jon - I don't know, I just talked with you today so I guess I don't have anything to say.

Juls - I have a lot to say to you. I still owe you a more in-depth response from two emails ago. That is amazing how strong your grandma was for so many years. Tell your family I am praying for them too, even though I don't know them.

Janell - What are you doing in CA?

Rachel - you will definitely not read this because you don't even know it exists, but I am including you just because I need to respond to your email.

Mom and Dad - I love you guys

Tiff - I love you too.

Justin - I love you and when exactly is your flight coming in to Frankfurt?

Bus Eireann - Thank you for the refund.

Hannah - You are awesome, see you in a few months.

Barb - Sounds like a cool book and that was an interesting thing that you and that other girl had two of the same interests. Would you recommend the book or is it a chick book?

That is all for now.

Until then or tomorrow.

Jason

Day 82: There and Back Again: A Traveler's Tail by Jason Haggard

2005-05-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, it is warming up nicely here in beautiful Heidelberg, Germany. I couldn't tell you the exact temperature since my internal thermometer has never quite worked correctly after Iraq. I would guess it is in the eighties. It is a little warmer inside. I am using the Swope's computer up in their son's room, Keenan. I think that is how you spell it, but I can't say for sure; I have ever seen it written down, doesn't matter anyway.

There is a lot to say. I am obviously back from the British Islands. These last few days have been a whirlwind of activity as I try to settle in for another two-month stay. The Swope's have graciously put me up for this time. They are a wonderful family, very hospitable and generous. The hardest part about living here is my own personal inability to be served. I love serving others, but when someone serves me, I can't handle it. At least not real well.

I flew back to Germany and immediately jumped into MCYM. Club was last Wednesday. Seeing all the students who I met while in Slovakia was a great. MCYM is heading to Italy next month and I hope that I will be able to meet some new kids while there and also strength the previous relationships. We will see.

OK, this is really starting to bore me. I am in a bind because I do have a lot to say. I almost have too much to say and so I don't even know where to begin. It is like trying to sleep last night. After a day of hanging out in Trier and having a most enjoyable day with Jen and Megan, I got back a little late and was so tired I couldn't sleep. How does that happen? How can you be so tired that even sleeping takes to much energy?

Speaking of Trier, I will start there and hopefully work backwards. Yesterday was spent walking around the tourist city of Trier. It is an old walled city that the French, Romans, Germans, and probably Americans have had their hands in. The architecture has a very eclectic feel because of all the different influences. There is one old building, a protester's church, which has an obvious French addition. (I would should you pictures, but my camera is shot. The other day I had placed my man purse on a counter top and gravity did its thing. The bag with said camera inside came crashing to the tiled floor. I was more concerned about my computer that did the same and didn't even think about the camera until yesterday. I pulled it out to snap some photos and it wasn't working properly. The light sensor was out of whack because all the pictures came out really bright. I used my engineering background and proceeded to undue what the fall had apparently done. I figured that since a fall from about chest high to a tile floor caused the camera to break, maybe a fall from about chest high to a stone floor would fix it. It didn't. In fact, now the camera does not even turn on. It was time for a new camera anyway.) You can tell it is French because of the bright pink color and white trim. (I had some deprecating humor that I was going to add here, but I have chosen not to. Enough jokes have been made about the poor French bastards that they don't need me making any about their spines, or lack there of, their government, or as we call it, their patsy, or their…)

A lot of yesterday was spent shopping. Remember I went with two girls and you know how girls are. (Hey, I would deny it so don’t even try to tell anyone.) We also ate at this great Italian place and listened to some Native Americans playing beautiful music on the street.

I’m back. What? What do you mean, “Where did I go?” Oh yeah, you all can’t tell that everything written before this was done yesterday. I mentioned that I am using someone else’s computer. In the middle of typing out this blog, the screen went blank. Luckily, I was able to save that part of the blog and come back today to finish it. The large break in time between beginning and end reminds me of C.S. Lewis’s description of God and time.

He was describing how God is “outside” of time. Sort of like an author is in relation to a book they write. An author, like me, will sit down and pen a scene about a particular character. The scene may be written over a period of days, but the time in the story could be minutes. When the author stops writing, the character would appear to freeze until the next words are written. The story when complete, flows naturally, and the character never knows the breaks in the author’s day. Lewis describes God in a similar fashion. He is outside of time, which is why there is no beginning and end with God. It is also why He knows everything that we will do before we do it, because for God, every time is now. There is no past, just like there is no future. God does not travel from day to day as we do; He is everywhere all the time.

I have been gone, enjoyed the warm weather, an evening with some kids, and even The Return of the King, but to you, I never left. Because I did leave, I am not in the same writing mood as before. I will try my best to continue, but actually I won’t. Yesterday’s writing was boring even to me. Today too, I’m not feeling it, but I do want to get a few things out.

First is about prayer. Adam, thank you for your kind words about my life. I am glad that you see me like that because if you didn’t then there would be some serious issues in my life that I would need to deal with. There are anyway, but most people don’t see them. When I ask someone to pray for me, it isn’t because I feel their prayers are necessary for my peace or prosperity, or even to keep me from the offense the prayer is directed towards. Their prayers are however comforting. It means a lot to me to know that others are thinking about me and concerned for my well being. Also, I don’t exactly understand why, I have some guesses, but God calls us to pray. It is therefore beneficial to do so. I don’t completely get it. I was saying earlier about God being every where all the time, so it does, in one sense, seem pointless to talk to God and make requests of Him because He already knows what I am going to say and has probably figured out a solution before I even know a problem exists. Regardless, He still calls me to pray. One of my guesses in answering the why is because prayer may have something to do with benefiting me and others in that God uses it changes us, maybe?

Other note worthy events have been with teenagers. If I didn’t mention it before, this next two months will be spent volunteering with MCYM. (I did mention it, in this blog in fact.) Because my time will be spent with them, most of what you will be hearing from me will concern them. I went to see Star Wars III with kids. It is sooooo much better than the first two; it almost makes up for those sad films. The part I enjoyed the most was how Lucas began to transform everything so that you can see how “A New Hope” becomes. The characterizations, Vader and all that are one thing, but I was really concerned about all the aircraft and machinery. I am sure that everyone watched Episode I and said, “Those ships are so sleek and smooth, they seem to me that they shouldn’t precede the X-wing and Tie fighter.” Me too. The yellow fighter craft from Naboo are the best example. I was worried that Lucas wouldn’t do anything about that. But he did. You could look at the ships in “Revenge of the Sith” and see how they began the transformation to the X-wing, Y-wing, Tie fighter, and blockade runners of my youth. Major peeps out to George for doing a good job.

I got to run and I want to get this out so I am going to have to cut it short. I want anyone to know that you can call me if you would like. My cell phone is: 011 49 160 9272 6262. Dial all those numbers and you should reach me. I won’t talk for long, but we can chat a bit.

I just thought of a couple things I want to mention, they are about the Heidelberg Castle and the German culture. Not today though.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 77: More on Blue Like Jazz

2005-05-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

I am 25 minutes into a 15 minute computer session. This will be brief.

Here is the website for Blue Like Jazz.

It really is a great book. I am now in Heidelberg and I really need to get off the computer. Today was Club with MCYM. Middle School was at 1600 and High School is 1900.

Later

Unitl then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 76: YESSSSSSS!!!!!

2005-05-24T00:53:00.000-07:00

OK, I am currently in the process of up-loading a whole bunch of pictures to my website. So now you should be able to go the "expect me" page and look up some of the recent places I have been.

And now you can. I have in fact, finally up dated my website. Not completely because I don't have the UK or Ireland on there, but these many pictures should take you a while to download and that will give me time to get the other pages ready.

Enjoy!

Also, I did talk to the two people sitting next to me on the train today. Chris and Alice. They work for the UK school system teaching teachers how to teach a new citizenship program. It is for grade school through primary school kids. The three of us talked for a good two or three hours about everything: Politics, religion, schools, government.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

PS My postings were posted out of order so make sure you read both of Day 72.

Day 75: Wear Sunscreen!

2005-05-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Something tells me that I am about to repeat myself. Repeating yourself is a sign of old age, and I am getting old. My dad repeats himself a lot. Or not really repeats himself as much as talks about the same subject time after time. But that isn’t my point. My point is that I feel like I am starting to repeat myself. I think repeating yourself isn’t caused by getting old as much as it is loosing your memory. Loosing your memory means you don’t know if you have said something or not and so you say it again just to make sure, or you don’t remember saying it in the first place so you just talk about what is on your mind and it happens to be the same thing that was on your mind yesterday, but you don’t remember.

Does anybody remember the song by Baz Luhrmann, “Wear Sunscreen”? It was a remake of an article written by Mary Schmich as if she had been asked to speak at a college graduation. It is a good song and I think about quotes from it often. Just in case you don’t remember, here are the words:

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

I am sitting on the Flying Scotsman train from Edinburgh to London. It is a seven hour ride and so there is time to kill. The train has outlets that you can plug a computer in which means I am able to use my computer. (I made it back to St. Andrews and picked up my adapter and battery charger.) In using my computer, I was organizing old emails and rereading some of them.

This brings me to the song. Line 11 states, “Keep your old love letters. Throw away old bank statements.” I have taken that advice. It is actually pretty easy since the advent of the computer, Internet, and email. So I am organizing old emails and I come across some old, but unsent, love letters that I wrote.

(I have to pause for a moment because the train is paralleling the Scottish coast and so I have an opportunity to peer out on the North Sea.)

Beautiful, but I will talk about that in a moment.

Reading through the old letters, I was reminded of some things, a lot of things. It is good advice to keep your old love letters because they can, if it was a positive relationship, remind you of ways that you grew as a person. If it was a bad relationship then it reminds you of mistakes that you made and again ways that you grew as a person. Either way, you grew. A friend of mine from college made this statement, “Character is inevitable. You can’t help but build character.” He was saying that in any situation, any one at all, you always build some sort of character. Good situations, bad situations, you always build character. Some situations build more than others, but in all situations you are building character. And he wasn’t meaning that that is always good character. Some situations build bad character in a person, but always character.

Using that logic, you can call a relationship a situation and know that all relationships build character in a person. I know that my character has been built significantly through my few female relationships and I am happy for each one. (Now, I have to be careful, because I know that this is going to be read by at least one of those past relationships. I am going to be honest up front and tell you that I am holding back some of what I would say if that wasn’t the case. I normally wouldn’t do that, but in this situation I want to protect the innocent and myself, the guilty.)

The most recent love letter was from a few months ago. It was spurred by my reading of “Blue Like Jazz”. I mentioned the book in my last post and I think that is what brought me around in a big circle to the here and now of writing about it again. BLJ was written by Don Miller. Its subtitle is something about Christian Spirituality. Don is a thirty something dude that lives in Portland, OR. He grew up in the “Christian” church, but became turned off by the whole religion thing because of how fake he became. I think he went to bible school or something, because in his twenties he was a major Christian youth speaker. He did that for a few years but quit because he realized that he was the biggest fake out there. After a few years of searching, he found Jesus.

His book speaks a lot to me. I can really relate to the author’s life, especially the part about feeling fake. All through high school and college, I was fake. The last six years have been the start of my journey, like Don’s, in finding Jesus. It has been an amazing journey. I love the mountains and my journey is no different than a hike through the mountains, incredible highs and murky lows. My journey started with a big high, meeting an awesome girl, followed by an intense low, being rejected by the same. Oh the hours I could spend writing about that, but I won’t. I will tell you about a more recent leg of that journey. Back to the love letter.

I was recently past a short dating relationship. In my normal retrospective self, I spent hours and hours thinking about, dwelling on, and holding fictitious conversations with the ex. Having recently discovered the art of writing things down, that email was one of those conversations. If you can’t tell, I like writing, at least now. Typing is especially enjoyable because I do it much faster and afterwards I can actually reread it and not be utterly confused by my own handwriting. In my conversation, I was talking about a part in BLJ that I had just read. This is part of what I said:

“See, girls are an enigma to me. I see them, and talk to them, and read about them but still, I don't get them. But maybe that is the thing; we are not supposed to get each other. One of the guys in this book (Blue Like Jazz) is married and he and the author were talking about marriage and the ups and downs. The married guy said that marriage isn't what he expected. Still wonderful, but not what he expected. He was expecting it to be a union of two people that would know each other completely and be completely open and honest and real with each other. He said that wasn't the case. Oh, his wife knew him better than anyone else in this world, but still there were things he kept from her, things that only God knew and would only ever know. I wonder if this is why Jesus says we are not going to be married in heaven. Here on earth, marriage is fine because it helps us see God more clearly. Marriage helps us selfish humans to be selfless, or at least a little more selfless, it helps us to think of others before ourselves and to love unconditionally. We don't, love unconditionally that it, but still, a marriage is a better place to try than any other. So, God gives us marriage to teach us a little more about Himself.”

The author, like me, isn’t, or at least at the time wasn’t, married and he, like me, was completely blown away by the idea that you don’t even know your spouse completely. But now I get it. Our goal in life should be to know God fully. God’s goal in our lives is for us to know Him fully. When He sent Jesus down here, it was, among a lot of other things, so that we could know Him more. Know Jesus and you know the Father. Jesus said that! It is in the bible!

Everything that we do, every relationship, every job, every activity, every moment of the day should be done with the desire to know God more. In fact, if you are doing something without that desire, then chances are you are sinning. (Sorry, the big nasty sin word came out, but there isn’t a better option) Chances are you are rebelling against the Creator. I know this because most of my life and actions up to this point have been in rebellion. I know it is rebellion because I am the one doing it. But the times I am not in rebellion, those times are great.

A few months ago, I was getting to know Jesus so much more than ever before. A lot of it was because of that past relationship, the one referenced in the love letter. I was seeking Christ everyday because of it. I was so confused and distraught back then that all I had to turn to was Christ. I would ask Him all sorts of things about why the things that were happening were, and why they weren’t turning out the way I wanted them too. He kept showing me time and time again who He was and how my desires were all wrong. I desired something good, but not something best. He is best; everything else is a distant, been lapped about a million times, second. One of those things that He was showing me was how He uses other people to reveal Himself. That goes back to the quote about marriage.

Marriage and relationships are good things, but if they help you know Jesus more, then they become best things. When I made that connection all those months ago, January to be exact, I made the realization that marriage was good and feasible. Practically today, marriage is of less importance, but the idea is still valid. That connection has helped me to love people more. Jesus calls us to love another. That has always been a difficult task for me because I generally don’t like people. I really like being alone. I used to put up with people because this earth is full of them. As I grew, I went from putting up with them to more embracing them in a hands extended, arms straight, junior high, boy/girl hug kind of way. Now I am in the process of really learning to like people because I love them. Like them so much that I am truly interested in their lives. I am starting to care about them and their situations and their issues and needs and desires.

This bit of traveling has been part of that learning process. I can’t tell you how many times on this trip I have just wanted to isolate myself and not talk to or interact with any people. When that desire comes, some of the time I over ride it and step out and converse. I have even gone as far as to have a whole series of conversations with the same person. I am even going to look some of those new friends up when I get to Heidelberg. That is a big step, but I still have a long ways to go because many times on this trip, I haven’t done that. I have sat next to some dude or chick and not said a word while I kept telling myself, “Say something, say something, idiot, just say something. Start with hi.” As I berate myself, time ticks by and it becomes harder and harder to say anything. And then I just don’t say anything. (Like right now as I sit next to two people and not say a word) I am not sure if I am getting better or worse, but at least I am building character.

Yeah, so this blog has become rather lengthy. Part of it is not my fault, it was a long song, but regardless I need to wrap it up. Hopefully I will get around to actually describing the trip itself and not just my thoughts. It has been a beautiful trip and Scotland is wonderful.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 73: Blue like Jazz

2005-05-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

I wasn’t going to write anything tonight, but then I realized that today has been a very unique day. Today has been a down day. After 72 days of fun and joy and excitement, I have now had a down day. I wasn’t going to write for just that reason. I really didn’t feel up to saying anything, but then that is when I most need to say something.

Today’s downness started yesterday and the day began on a bad foot early. I stayed up too late. I didn’t go to bed until 0130 this morning. If I had a good reason, that hour wouldn’t be anything to talk about, but I stayed up watching TV. TV of all things. I hate TV, but am seriously addicted to it. I don’t own a TV, don’t like them around, but if one is around then I will watch it. It is stupid I know, but that is one of my many faults. And it isn’t like I watch anything interesting or informative. In fact, I spend most of my time watching nothing, just endless hours of channel surfing because there is never anything on. It really is stupid and that is why I hate it so much.

So, I stayed up late then got up relatively early and really tired. I fixed a good breakfast, hash browns, sausage, and eggs over medium. Everything had cheese smothering it. It was a good breakfast. That was the up side of the day. When the best part of a day is over by 0900, know it is going to be a bad day. The plan was to leave St. Andrews and make it up to the Orkney Islands for a couple days before heading back to London and then Germany. I figured it was a short train ride up to the islands so I didn’t rush out of town. The Post Office was selling a phone card that had free calls back to the States on Saturdays. I picked one of those up and some stamps. Then it was off to the library for a quick email. The last thing I wanted to do was buy some post cards and walk by the Old Course one last time. I did all that, though the post cards I wanted could only be found on the other side of town. That was a little discouraging.

It was noon before I finally make it to the train station. I enquire of the ticket guy about a train to Thurso and discover at that point that I am not going to make it to the Islands. That was depressing because I was really looking forward to them. Tonight I am staying in Thurso itself and practically speaking going to the islands is just not going to work. But back in St. Andrews, I am now looking at about 9 hours of traveling. I didn’t mind because it was an opportunity to catch up on sleep, writing, post cards, reading the bible, and a myriad of other things that had been neglected. Before the first train, a call to the parents is in order. The free call back to the states means that I should be able to talk with them during all my stops. I was excited about that. But 20 minutes into the first call, the phone card runs out of time. What I didn’t know was that the stupid pay phones I had access to charge me money and nullify the free call. I was so looking forward to talking with my parents; instead I lose 5 pounds and only get 20 minutes of talk time. Again, I am depressed.

On the train, I am planning on writing some post cards and also getting on my laptop for some extra writing. It was to work out fine because the trains have a place I can plug my computer in so I don’t have to run off of the battery. Sometime into the train ride, I go to pull my computer out and realize that I left the plug adapter back at the last hostel. Attached to the plug adapter is my camera’s battery charger and battery. Great, one more thing left behind, this one essential and irreplaceable. More depressed. I am now thinking about how I have to go back to St. Andrew in the next couple days to get it, which means I have to leave that much earlier; I am not going to the Orkney Islands now for sure; I am being stupid and leaving stuff behind; for a short time I thought I had left my jacket on a previous train. Remember that my jacket carries all my identification and money. (Maybe I should think about putting that stuff somewhere else?) I am tired, hungry, confused, missing my parents, lonely, and just plan depressed. This is a bad day. And it is only the afternoon.

The train pulls into Thurso at 2100. It is a short walk to the hostel and I sign in for my room. Considering my new timeline, it makes sense to just stay here for two nights and then leave early on the 23rd. Sure, but this hostel is booked for tomorrow night. I will now be getting up early again to check out and find another place to stay when all I really want to do is go home. More depressed. Lastly, I do find a phone that allows me to call the states for free. I call and talk with my dad. Normally, that would be a very up lifting time, but dad is having some issues so he and I talk about them and the whole conversation is just more depressing for me.

It is late and I am sitting in bed, typing this out on my computer that is powered by the ever diminishing battery. I am really tired. On top of everything else about today that was depressing, the biggest thing that I left out was that my soul has a weight of sin on it. The sin is the real issue about today’s depression. I left the sin part out because I just don’t know all of you that well, but now it is out there and that is that. I am not going to tell you what the sin is, but feel free to pray for me regardless. Hopefully by the time I actually get this to the web this weight will have passed, but regardless you can still pray.

Thanks

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

PS If I haven’t talked about “Blue Like Jazz”, by Don Miller, I need to because it is a great book. I will, but mostly you all just need to read it.

Real quick, I am not going to get to email anyway

2005-05-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

Below is apparently the book I am. The description it good, but I do know what camp I am in. Actually it is whose camp I am in: Jesus!

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try
anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent
some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in.
This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's
time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in
ferries.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Day 72: Administration

2005-05-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

There are a few administrative things that I have to cover before I can continue.

1. The key boards over here in Europe are a little different than the standard US ones. The biggest thing that I have noticed is that the Enter key is smaller. It doesn't do the normal backwards L shape so when I reach with my right pink to hit return, all I get is this: # No enter, just the number sign. Also, the @ symbol is not above the 2 it is next to the # which is in the place of the "enter". The " are also where the @ should be. (I just had to get that out. It didn't have anything to do with the admin stuff)

2. For those that care, I can't post any pictures just yet because I haven't been at a computer that I could up-load files too. Back in Germany, there was one, but I was too lazy, sorry. I promise when I get back to Germany, I will be diligent about doing that. Also, Adam, I don't know what is up with my computer, I am trying to use Dreamweaver to upload new stuff to my website, but it wouldn't connect, something about a FTP failure. I will try to figure it out when I get back to Germany in a few days. I may have to just download an FTP program and upload my pages by hand. What do you recommend again?

3. I am at a computer which only has 30 minutes remaining. I am about 50 emails behind, so be patient and I will catch up. (Yes, I know that is not the right patient, but give me a break)#

4. I have a long post about yesterday, but again, I can't get it to the Internet so it will just have to wait. A preview is that I played golf at St. Andrews yesterday. It was glorious. For those that don't know golf it will not mean anything, but for those that do, Dad, it was great. We will be going there eventually.

5. That is about it. Now I am going to try and get to a couple emails.

Until then and tomorrow.##

Jason

PS 22 mintutes remaining

Day 72:Royal and Ancient, and Expensive

2005-05-20T11:34:00.000-07:00

Would you like to see a city given over,
Soul and body to a tyrannising game?
If you would, there’s little need to be a rover,
For St. Andrews is the abject city’s name.
-Robert F. Murray

Ummmm… Yeah… Wow… OK…(Said after a deep breath of satisfaction)

So I have been to Mecca. You can call me a Hajii. I have seen it all. I played golf in St. Andrews. What a glorious thing that it is. Home of the Royal and Ancient game.

Yesterday I arrived at St. Andrews just before 10 o’clock. I had to stay the night in Edinburgh. “Had to”, like it was some sort of punishment. Sorry, I am still enthralled every day with each new experience. It is still hard for me to believe what I am doing and where I am doing it. Somebody pinch me! Edinburgh was a night’s stay because I wasn’t going to be able to make it all the way to St. Andrews before the one hostel closed for the night.

My plan was to leave Dublin on the 18th. I flew out on the 1110 to Stanstead and immediately caught the British National Rail. It was supposed to be a quick eight hour train ride to St. Andrews giving me plenty of time to check in and prepare for yesterday. Problems, however, arose. Leaving Stanstead, I had to make a switch in Petersbourgh, then York, then Edinburgh, then Leuchars. All was going well until York. Some how I miss read the sign, was on the wrong track, or just wasn’t paying attention, but I jumped on a train and found myself heading towards Scarborough. That would have been fine if Scarborough was on the way to Edinburgh, but it is not. I did notice I was on the wrong train about five seconds too late. I rushed to the doors, only to find them shut and locked, not to open again, until Malton, a 30 minute ride away. Not discouraged, I enjoyed that ride in the countryside and hoped to catch the next train back to York. My train stopped in Malton at 1712, the next train wasn’t till 1808. I had an hour to kill and decided to venture into the town. It was closed, not the town, but all the shops in it. A Café was open though and I enjoyed a hot pork sandwich and some fries. 1808 and I was heading back to York.

A two hour delay, not a problem! The problem came when a stopover at Edinburgh wouldn’t get me to Leuchars until after 2330 and the hostel closed at 2200. That is when I decided a night in Edinburgh wouldn’t be a bad thing. In the end, the timing was perfect. Let me explain.

I woke up early yesterday and caught a 0800 train. That got me to St. Andrews plenty early. So, it is 10 o’clock and I am checked in and immediately head for St. Andrews Links. On my way, I purchase a golf glove for 8 pounds and a dozen previously used golf balls for 20 pounds. Arriving at the courses, I approach the starter for The New Course about a single walking on. He takes one look at me and recommends that I try the less difficult courses across the way. It had been over 7 months since my last round and The New Course is a championship course. At a minimum he wanted me to go to the practice grounds and warm up. I thanked him and went to practice. First though, I had to hire some clubs for 20 pounds. The practice round included 50 range balls, 2.70 pounds, and the chipping and putting area, 1.70 pounds. After successfully warming up, I started to head back to the New Course, but the shuttle driver recommended two easier and less expensive courses, either the Eden or Strathtyrum course. At 55 pounds, the New course is an investment, were as the Eden is 30 pounds and Strathtyrum only 22 pounds. Strathtyrum was wide open and I walked on as a single. It was 1204 by that point and I pretty much had the entire course to myself. It seemed the regulars had all broke for lunch. I was flying along. The course was short and relatively easy. I actually bogeyed the first hole, shot par on the second, and doubled the third. The fourth was another par but the fifth wasn’t pretty. In the end, I finished that round in less than three hours shooting 22 over par. Not bad!

It was just past 1500 and the entire day was before of me. I purchased a quick lunch for 5 pounds and decided that I would still try to play the New Course. It was a different starter and he more than welcomed me to wait for an opening and walk on. At 1600, after paying 55 pounds plus an extra 10 to continue using the clubs, I teed off with Mr. Guthrie and Mr. Guthrie, a father son team here on a golfing holiday. They had just flown in from the states and looked to get in a round before crashing from jet lag. In comparison, I was better than both of them.

Now to the course. Majestic is all I can say. Again, words can not describe it. The knee high dorge, the yellow scrub, the pit bunkers, the lack of any flat point on the course save the tee boxes, it was all St. Andrews. It is all majestic. I will look back and recall yesterday as one of my greatest days of golf. My greatest is still a round I played with my dad in San Jose back in the summer of 1999. If my dad had been here yesterday, it definitely would have eclipsed all other days. One thing I know is that I will be back. I will play here again, only not until I have a job. Yesterday set me back a lot. Let’s recall:

27.98 pounds – glove and balls
30 pounds – hire clubs
4.40 pounds - practice
22 pounds – Strathtyrum greens fee
5 pounds – lunch
55 pounds – New Course greens fee
20 pounds – souvenir hat

Grand total – 164.38 pounds

In US Dollars - $312.32

Ouch! Thank you credit cards.

Today, my goal is to spend little or no money. I will walk around, look for a place to put this on the Internet, and more or less, do nothing. I head to the Orkney Islands in the morrow.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Sorry

2005-05-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

I take it back, the computer isn't working so I can't post any new pics just yet.

Jason

Pint 4a: No more pints

2005-05-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

Dublin, Ireland is the pub capital of the world. They don’t call it Publin for no reason. (Hey, Publin looks a lot like Publix which is a supermarket in the States.) Tonight is my last night in Publin and I am trying to decide if I should go out and get one last pint. I don’t think I will. A few years ago, when I first started consuming alcohol, I had a rather wise policy of never spending money for alcohol. It made sense at the time. I wasn’t a big drinker. Actually, didn’t even like the stuff and not spending money for a drink was prudent. That has changed over the years. I have grown to enjoy certain alcohols. Wine is my favorite. Something red and sweet. I like the dry stuff too, but sweet is favorite. Coming over here to Ireland, I have tried the various whiskeys and I am a fan of them too. I am not a connoisseur of whiskey just yet, or wine for that matter, but I am realizing that a good whiskey is better than a cheap one as is a good wine a cheap wine.

This new taste has not helped my pocket book. (I am also guessing that my parents, tea-totellers, are a little upset that I writing so much about alcohol.) I still don’t like beer. Being in Ireland, I tried Guinness. It just didn’t do anything for me. I have stopped drinking Guinness, which is a sin here. Tonight will be no exception. If I do go out, it will be for one shot. But on the up side, I am going to Scotland, which is more famous for whiskey, and so maybe I will save my pennies till then. On the down side, Ireland has the Euro and Scotland the Pound. Everything is more expensive there so maybe a drink here isn’t a bad idea. I wouldn’t even be having this discussion if there was anything else to do in Publin in the evening. All the businesses seem to shut down around 1800 and the only thing left to do is hit a Pub.

There isn’t much to say to catch you up on the last few days. I purposely didn’t post anything for just that reason. Sunday, I went and played golf. I wanted to go to church and golf is the next best thing, right? At least that is what I thought growing up. (Just kidding dad!) It was a 18 hole pitch and putt. I shot a 26 over par, +16 on the front nine, +10 on the back. I made one birdie from off the green, a number of saved pars, and never once hit the green in regulation. I was playing golf in Ireland and didn’t lose a ball; it was a successful day. Playing also spurred my desire to play again, so tomorrow I head to the Mecca of golf and hope to play a round on Thursday.

Now I am going to head to an Internet Café here in the city. I can plug my computer in, which allows me to up load a bunch of stuff to my website. Go to the “expect me” page and there are a bunch of new pictures and locations.

One thing of note, I learned today that Haggard is actually Scottish in origin. The Haggard’s are from the Highlands, a sept of the Clan Ross. So I am Jason Haggard of the Clan Ross. I like how that sounds. I think I am going to buy a kilt while in Scotland. Haggard is derived from the Gaelic form Mac-an-t-sagairt, which means son of the priest. Fitting isn’t it? I guess my line of work was destined. I think it is cool. Scotland is going to be cool, too.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Pint 4: Warning!! The following is long and boring. Read at your own risk.

2005-05-14T23:23:00.000-07:00

It is 9:30 but it feels like 5 in the afternoon. The days are very long here, and getting longer. That totally messes with my internal clock. Not a big deal because I have no where to be and plenty of time get there. It does make for some difficulties in eating dinner because 9 feels like 5 and 5 feels like 2. My body feels like eating dinner, but my watch won’t let me. Everyone knows how bad it is to eat late in the evening.

I was just reading from the book, “People Skills”, by Robert Bolton, PH. D. It is a book about communication and how we as humans and especially Americans do such a lousy job at it. Jordan gave me the book and so I have been reading bits and pieces over the last few weeks. It reads more like a text book than a regular book so I can’t sit and read chapter after chapter. The author actually recommends that you read it in short spurts because the skills he is trying to cover are ones that take time and practice to develop and master so the process is gradual. He recommends that you read a section and then practice it in your life. Improving that particular skill in your own interpersonal actions, you should then move on to the next one covered and practice it.

I am sort of taking his advice, but not entirely. Being a guy, I am very goal oriented. I am also a focused, single minded individual so I like to finish one thing before starting another. In reading, I want to finish a book before I start the next one. With a book like this, however, I shouldn’t read it cover to cover like I normally would do. It is very difficult for me to discipline myself in this way, which is actually why I am writing this blog. I just read three chapters, two more than I should have. I would have kept going, but I know that it was better for me not to, so now I am writing. Writing will also help me reflect on what I just read and that is another skill the author talks about.

Have I mentioned before that I am a terrible listener? I am. I realized this back in Iraq when someone pointed it out. Ever since then, I have been working on improving my listening. This book has been very helpful in that area. It talks about barriers to communications, listening skills, verbal and non-verbal communication, and other things. The barriers to communication, when I first read them, seemed to include everything that I do to communicate. I felt that the best way for me to effectively communicate after reading all of them was to not say anything ever again.

I am not allowed to: criticize, name-call, order, threaten, argue or divert. All of those things made sense. But I also can’t: diagnose, praise evaluatively, moralize, question, advise, or reassure. I read all of those and was like, “what can I do?” Diagnose, advise, and reassure are the things that I do. Questioning, too, seems like a great way to get people to think about what they are doing or not doing and helps them work through their issues. But according to this guy, those things all cause people to close up, and stop communicating. If he is right, and I am not convinced just yet, then I have a lot of work to do in the area of communication. He is right and I do have a lot of work to do in the area of communication.

I figure this time of traveling is one of the best times to practice. I have met so many different people from all over and each one has a story to tell. Most of them are just dying for someone to listen to them and I am working real hard on being that person. The problem is that I can’t really get any feed back as to my success as a listener. Or at least I haven’t figured out how to interpret other people’s impression of my listening. It just takes time, and luckily at this point, time is something I have plenty of.

I would tell you about my day now, but it was pretty uneventful. Oh, why not? The first part of this blog was boring and I doubt anyone has gotten this far anyway and as I just said, I got the time. I went on another bike ride. This one was significantly further than a couple days ago and my legs and butt have informed me of that. Where my previous ride was to the south, today I went north. My goal was this 40 km loop along the coast, inland a bit, and then returning to the coast. The best description of today’s ride is brutal.

The first leg along the coast was in a generally North East direction. Since the wind today was out of a generally North East direction also, it meant that the first leg was entirely into the persistent 15 knot wind. Persistent isn’t a good enough description. Relentless, unyielding, ruthless, deplorable, agonizing are much better descriptions. At times I felt like giving up. At other times, I felt like quitting. Most of the time, I just felt like crawling into the fetal position and not moving until the wind stopped.

There is a verse in the bible about trials leading to perseverance, perseverance, proven character, and proven character, hope. And hope is a good thing, probably the best of things. Well, the last part isn’t in there, but it should be and just because it isn’t in there doesn’t mean it isn’t true. When Paul wrote that, he must have just finish a bike ride where the entire first part was against the wind. Today’s bike ride did teach me perseverance or at least point out that I have a lot to learn.

Along the way, I stopped and chatted with some rock climbers. I asked about climbing in Ireland and they said that the best climbing was up in the Northern part of the country and it consisted of only a few three pitch routes. For a country whose highest point is less than 4000 ft, what can you expect. I also stopped midway at the Monk’s Pub for some seafood chowder and my daily pint. The chowder wasn’t all that good, but the pint made up for it.

The ride back also made up for the first leg, a little. Obviously since the first leg was entirely into the wind, the second leg was almost entirely with the wind, combined with it being mostly down hill meant that I pretty much coasted the entire 10 miles. Good thing too because after the pint and chowder, my body wasn’t up for much of anything. I did stop my coasting briefly to grab a red onion for tomorrow’s breakfast and dinner and a white chocolate ice cream bar for immediate personal consumption.

As I said at the beginning, nothing much exciting happened today and if you have read this far, let me apologize but also say that I warned you. Tomorrow will probably be equally as unexciting so maybe I will just forgo a post all together.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Pint 3: And a shot of Ireland’s finest whiskey

2005-05-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

One of my fondest memories as a child is of a camping trip I took in the 6th grade. My family and I were living in Douglas, WY. Dad was the pastor of First Baptist and I was a PK. The youth group had planned a weekend trip out at Laramie Peak State Park. Laramie is south of Douglas, west of Cheyenne. Its main attraction is Laramie Peak, a 10,000 ft mountain that you can hike to the top of.

The camping trip was two nights, three days. Jim Pellerin, the youth guy and good friend, lead all of us kids, about 15. He is a real outdoors man. Someone whose influence in my life I probably will never fully recognize or understand. Jim taught me to repel, that you should always leave a place better than you found it, and that your job and your hobbies are two different things. Jim lives in Oregon now with Jeanne, his wife, and two kids, Jamie and Jason. Jamie and Jason are both college age and last I heard they are in school in Jackson, WY. If I made a list of great place to go to school, Jackson WY would definitely be high on my list. I should really go visit them because it has been ten years.

During the camping trip, we did all sorts of things. I learned how to load my own rifle rounds. Jim brought his 22-250 rifle and we practiced shooting. I made my first confirmed kill that weekend. My victim was a ground marmot. I shot it through the neck at 300 yards. I wasn’t actually aiming for the neck, but it did the job. We cooked out over a fire, not the marmot, and I learned the game Truth or Dare. I “French kissed” for the first time. Don’t remember her name. She was a friend of Tiff’s and older sister to my friend, Terry Hollister.

There were so many great memories, but the one thing that stands out the most and that I think of every time I am outdoors is the wind. Growing up, my family wasn’t much of a camping family. We would do hikes and vacations, but when it came to real camping, we did hotels. So when I did eventually camp that weekend, I was grossly under equipped. I had what I call today a slumber party sleeping bag. You know the all cotton ones that unzip completely and can form a blanket or can be combined with its matching set to make a double size one. Those bags when fully zipped still have a huge opening and no drawstring or elastic. That was my bag.

We slept out under the stars. No tent, no cabin. I was on the hard ground without a pad, a covering, or pillow if I remember correctly. Bart Lesco and I slept next to each other and the first night was rough, at least for me. The wind was blowing steadily all night. It wasn’t extremely cold, but cold enough that I couldn’t leave my head exposed. Without a drawstring on my slumber party bag, I was forced to gather up the open end in both my hands and hold on all night. It was sort of like being in a bread bag. I had turned the opening in on itself, grabbed hold, and then slept with my head on my clenched hands. I don’t remember if I slept that first night at all, but I do remember being cold.

The second night, Bart and I moved to a small rock formation near by. We found a depression that had a two foot shear rise on the windward side. I snuggled up against the rock face and slept there. That second night was when my memory is forever etched. I remember being balled up in my slumber party bag, grabbing the opening, making a hole just big enough for my mouth to get fresh air, and listening to the wind as it howled across the rocks. I can hear the wind. It was so much warmer that night out of the wind and with the pronounced sound, I slept like a baby.

Now, whenever I am anywhere in nature and the wind is blowing, I remember that night. Today, I sit and write on the smooth black, water worn rocks of the Irish coast. The wind is once again blowing steadily. Again, I have climbed close to the cliff so I am blocked from its full force. This time however, the sound of the crashing waves has drowned out the wind, but I know it is still there.

My God, this is beautiful. If words could only describe this majesty, they would then begin to describe Yours. But words can not. My heart can, but only through Your Spirit with utterances beyond words.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Pint 2a: Anybody wanna peanut?

2005-05-12T23:42:00.000-07:00

It is late once again. My day has been full and instead of going out and grabbing a pint this evening, I have decided to write about today and all its magnificence. For those of you that are only into being entertained with humor, you might want to skip this post, because nothing too funny happened today and I am not sure I can come up with a good story. (Well, my bum does hurt, but I would be lying if I said it was for a funny reason.)

Today I did in fact rent that bike and ride the 10 miles to the cash machine. The ride gave me ample time to see a lot of the country side and be in awe of all of it. I know now where the Irish get their Kelly green national color. It is everywhere. The grass covers this land and all of it is the lushest, greenest, most beautiful grass I have ever seen. I will even go so far as to admit that the grass here is better than the grass in Washington, which is saying a lot. Riding through the hills, you can see for miles and miles and all of it is beautiful.

I made it to the town of Lahinch or Lehinch depending on the sign you read. THE cash machine, and there was only one, was in a convenience store. I pulled out 100 Euro and started looking for breakfast. Mrs. O’Brien’s Kitchen is where I ate. The food was… alright, filling but just alright. My next destination was the Cliffs of Mohar. Most of you have probably not heard of the Cliffs of Mohar, but I bet all of you have heard of the Cliffs of Insanity. Let me refresh your memory.

INIGO
Look! He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.
VIZZINI
Whoever he is, he's too late –
(pointing ahead of them)
– see?
(big)
The Cliffs of Insanity.
And once he's said the name...
CUT TO:
THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY AT DAWN
They rise straight up, sheer from the water, impossibly high.
CUT TO:
THE TWO SAILBOATS
In a wild race for the Cliffs and the Man In Black is closing faster than ever, but not fast enough, the lead was too great to overcome, and as Inigo sails with great precision straight at the Cliffs
CUT TO:
THE BOAT
Being pursued.
VIZZINI
Hurry up. Move the thing! Um... that other thing. Move it!
(staring back now)
We're safe – only Fezzik is strong enough to go up our way – he'll have to sail around for hours 'til he finds a harbor.
There is much activity going on, all of it swift, expert, economical. Fezzik reaches up along the Cliff face, grabs a jutting rock, reaches behind it. Suddenly there is a thick rope in his hands. He drops back to the boat, gives the rope a freeing swing and
CUT TO:
THE CLIFFS
The rope goes all the way to the top.
CUT TO:
INIGO
Hurrying to Fezzik. He straps a harness to him, then lifts Buttercup and Vizzini in the harness. Finally, he himself gets in the harness. All three are strapped to Fezzik like papooses.
And he starts to ascend the rope, carrying them all along with him as he goes.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK
Sailing in toward the Cliffs of Insanity, watching as Fezzik rises swiftly through the first moments of dawn.
CUT TO:
THE TOP OF THE CLIFFS, LOOKING DOWN
FEZZIK'S GROUP is only faintly visible far below. This is the first time we've gotten the real vertigo feeling and it's a gasper.
CUT TO:
Fezzik CLIMBING ON
Buttercup is almost out of her mind with fear.
CUT TO:
THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE CLIFFS
Fezzikis moving right along; however high they are, he's already over a third of the way done.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK
Leaping from his ship to the rope, starting to climb. He's impossibly far behind, but the way he goes you'd think he didn't know that because he is flying up the rope, hand over hand like lightning.
CUT TO:
VIZZINI AND THE OTHERS
INIGO
(looking down)
He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us.
VIZZINI
Inconceivable!
He prods Fezzik, who nods, increases his pace.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK
Roaring up the rope, and
CUT TO:
LONG SHOT – THE CLIFFS
And the Man In Black is cutting deeply into Fezzik's lead.
CUT TO:
VIZZINI AND THE OTHERS
VIZZINI
(shrieking)
Faster!
FEZZIK
I thought I was going faster.
VIZZINI
You were supposed to be this colossus. You were this great, legendary thing. And yet he gains.
FEZZIK
Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself.
VIZZINI
(cutting through)
I do not accept excuses.
(shaking his head)
I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.
FEZZIK
(hurt)
Don't say that, Vizzini. Please.

The previous excerpt comes to you with permission from the Internet.

If I didn’t mention this before, I came to Doolin solely to see these cliffs, and it was worth it if only to enjoy the knowledge that I have seen the Cliffs of Insanity in person, but also because, as with the rest of Ireland, they are beautiful. The bike ride up to the cliffs wasn’t entirely direct. There is this walking trail, the Burren Way, and I was attempting to follow it to the cliffs, but I got temporarily disoriented and ended up somewhere else. I could see the cliffs off the distance, but no roads led there. I eventually braved the fields and bushwhacked to them. Bushwhacked isn’t the right term because for all of Irelands beauty, it does lack something, trees and bushes. I simply pointed my bike towards that cliffs and road. Riding became impossible when I hit the marshy, mossy parts, but it was still possible to walk along side of the bike, though my feet did get wet.

My first experience with the cliffs was marvelous. They do rise straight out of the ocean and climb 800 feet. There are many more miles of them than I imagined so I didn’t even see them all and couldn’t say if I saw the exact cliffs from the movie, but I did see some likely possibilities. After getting to the cliffs, I rode to the left and stopped at the ruins of a look out post. There I read my bible and just sat and relaxed for a couple hours. I think it is in the bible that God uses nature to reveal Himself, but I know that I feel the presence of Christ more in nature than anywhere else. That is why I love being out doors, especially in the mountains. Part of it is my fear of heights and a sense of insignificance that comes from being on the top of something very high. It puts the fear of God in me and forces me to trust Him more.

Trusting God is a big thing with me. I don’t do it enough and am working on that. One of my big prayer requests over the last few years is to grow in faith, a part of which is trust. The bible says a lot about faith, that it can move mountains and stuff, but we humans miss the point so often. I am not saying that I get it, but there is so much to faith; it is so practical. Faith will allow you to move mountains, but who cares about that? I just want to not worry about getting a job. How can faith help me get a job? I want to know that I will get married some day. How can I be sure? Or can I? I am still working on those answers so I don’t feel comfortable answering them just yet.

And here is the thing with faith that gets me: If I don’t have enough of it, is that a sin in my life? Does my desire denote a lack of patience? And does even asking all these questions mean I don’t have faith because if I had faith I wouldn’t be asking these questions? Or do I have a measure of faith and if so how much and again, how do I get more? Lots of questions, working on the answers.

But Ireland… It is beautiful, and the people are great too. Karl runs the Allie River Hostel. (I am wondering if the little creek out the front door is the “river” they are talking about, but I am too scared to ask.) He has been working here for 12 years and I can see why. He loves this place. He takes great care of the building and the people in it. Karl is so giving and humble and selfless. Good job Karl, though you will never read this. Today while building a fire in the stove, Karl was extra careful to make sure there were no extra bits of wood or charcoal making a mess. He swept up the smallest mess and did it with a smile. I wish everyone could be as satisfied with their job as Karl appears to be.

Nothing much happened the rest of the day. I road back to Doolin, picked up some groceries from the only store in town, and made a delicious spaghetti dinner for one. Apparently it was spaghetti night at the hostel because four groups where having it too. (I actually wasn’t the original; I got the idea from Karl.) The hostel was quiet when I prepared dinner, but the activity grew. It is full now and I have met people from everywhere. Phil and Matt are from Minnesota; Lindsey is from Vancouver, and Ruth and Michael, Heidelberg, Germany. Antonio, who I met yesterday, is here with his wife and they are from Genoa, Italy. That is everyone I have met so far.

Deep breath, big smile, time for bed. Another perfect ending to a perfect day. Oh, what adventures will tomorrow bring? (Or today because it is already tomorrow.)

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Pint 2: Let me continue.

2005-05-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, my previous post was cut short. I will explain in a minutes.

If anything can be said about me, I learn from mistakes. Learn but not always change. This mistake isn’t among the ones I was referring to earlier, but it will do.

Last night, I arrived in Dublin around 2200. I was hankering for some food and with the recommendation of the guy at the front desk; I headed to the Temple Bar area for a pint and a bite. I did not know then that the bars and restaurants stop serving food at 2230. I was out of luck. Thinking back, this really isn’t a mistake on my part, just unfortunate timing. I did manage the pint and that was enough to fill me.

This brings us to 1. What I learned. 2. Why my previous post is as it is.

As you can see from the time/date stamp of the previous post, I was nearing the end of the day. Once again hankering for some food after a long day’s journey and remembering that food is not served at all hours of the day, I decided to adjourn the previous message and seek out that which I desired. Why not just continue with the post after returning? Good question! The answer is simple; I had another pint of Guinness, of course. This brings me around full circle to the first mistake.

My mistake was not taking into account that not all of the world is filled with cash machines and the conveniences of the modern world. Not every business establishment accepts a Visa card, regardless of its claim to be “Everywhere you want to be.” I want to be in Doolin, Ireland and it ain’t here.

I left Dublin on a bus with 70 Euro and a handful of change in my pocket. That would seem like more than enough to get me through a few days. Factor in five nights at a hostel, 13 Euro a night, and that leaves me with 5 Euro and the handful of change. The nearest ATM is 10 miles away and I now have to spend 10 Euro to rent a bike and ride the 10 miles to it. The bike thing isn’t so bad, I would have done it anyway, but there is some principle behind having to spend 10 Euro to get more Euro.

The second mistake, which is really the only mistake, makes me even more frustrated with myself. Trinity College of Dublin is located in the heart of Dublin. TCD is world famous, established back in the 1500’s. I would know the exact date but I don’t because the long sleeved T-shirt that I bought this morning which had the name of the school and the date established on it seems to be missing. For the life of me I can’t remember what I did with it. The logical conclusion is that I left it at the hostel in Dublin when I was obtaining my backpack. I had initially carried it in my top sack while I walked around Dublin this morning. After retrieving my full backpack, I intended on switching items around to make more space in the rather small top sack for books and other things I would need on the bus journey. It must have been during that switch that the shirt was left behind.

I am frustrated because this is not the first thing on this trip that I have lost, and most likely it won’t be the last. I have also lost a 10 Euro note, and a couple socks. The socks are no big deal, and the 10 Euros is upsetting, but the shirt today cost me 20 Euro. That is 20 Euro down the drain unless some kind traveler decides to turn it in and the hostel holds it for a week. Now the real question is that after returning to Dublin, do I purchase another shirt, or punish myself for being stupido? I haven’t decided on that one yet.

Now I feel that after all this moaning you deserve some lighter talk about the countryside and how wonderful everything is. Sorry, it is late now and I just don’t feel up to all the light and fluffy stuff. The country side is wonderful and I promise to talk about it tomorrow.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Just realizing this, you all don’t have to wait because I will be posting all of these at the same time. I take back my apology.

Pint 1: First and maybe last!

2005-05-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

An Inspiron 2650 laptop, made by Dell, weights 7.6 pounds. The largest percentage of that weight is found in the battery. Unfortunately, the battery is a necessary part of a laptop. It is really the part that makes it functional as a “lap” top computer. The 7.6 pounds of my Dell Inspiron 2650 laptop also make up the largest percentage of my packed weight. This means that the battery in the laptop is the heaviest of the heaviest things that I am packing around. Logic would say that the heaviest thing a person is lugging around would be the most essential and most used item. Logic would say. Since I consider myself a pretty logical person, it can be assumed that my computer is the most important or at least most used thing I brought. Does anyone know what happens when you assume?

My 7.6 pounds of plastic and electronics have up till now, three days that is, been nothing more than dead weight. It has been useful only in increasing my cardiovascular fitness and the size of my legs as I carried it from hostel to hostel. I have decided to change that today. Before I left Germany, I was debating with Jordan about whether I should bring the computer or not. When I decided to stay in Europe for the extra two months, it pretty much answered the question of taking or leaving it. A goal in bringing my computer along was to do just this. So I will.

There are a few things that I need to point out. One, I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I will tell you about a few of those mistakes in a minute, but first I have some good stories. The mistakes actually make the stories.

Each of these

Day 62:Oops, I did it again!

2005-05-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

Anyone that knows me is going to get a kick out of this. First let me say that I am on the Stanstead Express to the airport and no long in a hurry, but that wasn’t the case minutes ago.

I was finishing my second and final day in London, more on that to follow, and it was time to leave. To leave the city, I had an extensive walk back to the Ashlee House, the hostel I stayed the night in, before catching the 1700 express. Somehow I miss calculated my distance from the hostel and found myself running a bit behind schedule. That is odd because I am rarely, if ever late. But late I was. I had to swing by the hostel to pick up my bag, send a quick email to Jordan, and that was it. Hustling into the hostel, I paid for 20 minutes of Internet time and jogged down stairs. Four minutes into the 20 something happened. Well, something was trying to happen and I was trying to keep it from happening. Unable to contain it any longer, I dove for the luie and made it just in time for a buttxplosion.

I have discovered that with each country change, my bowels adjust, ever so slightly. No Caddick like episodes have caught me with my pants up, but there have been some close calls. I remember back to Iraq when the doctors there diagnosed near everyone with STF Syndrome (Scared To Fart). My first day in Iraq, I was warned that it happens to everyone, no one is immune, everyone has to clean out their shorts at least once. I broke the mold, but not without much conscience effort and diligent prior planning.

I completely forgot to tell you the whole point of this blog. Back track a little to London. I have successfully made it to the toilet, done my thing, and begin completing the necessary post toilet actions. Remember that I am in a hurry. I go to flush and nothing happens. It would be rude to leave in the bowl what I just put there, so I flush again only this time harder. Again nothing! I am now desperate and running way behind so I push really hard and… SNAP!! Can you believe it? I break the handle. What now? I can’t leave this fowl stench plastered to the sides of the bowl. Brown chunks everywhere, and you have to know that in most of Europe, at least everywhere I have been, they have the low-flow, water saving toilets where the bowl barely fills with water so anything left is not submersed and aromatically takes over. My engineering training takes over. I pull the top off, yank on the plunger thingy and yes, it flushes. I am in business now. I beat feet back upstairs, grab my bag, inform the cute desk chick of my destructive dealings, and make it to the train in just enough time.

This reminds me of another story about my dad. He was at Chile’s when… (just kidding, enough toilet humor.)

Enjoy the rest of your day. May it be filled with happy thoughts and solid BMs.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 61: Going Away

2005-05-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

To all my peoples:

Chow!

...

...

Was anyone getting nervous? No seriously, anyone? No one? Not one of you was worried that I was leaving? Well, I am. For at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take away our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM! Uh, sorry, I get a little carried away. I think it is because I am off to Scotland and Ireland. Well, actually Ireland then Scotland. I fly out today for London, spend a day there and then head out to the West coast of Ireland, Doolin to be exact. This is pretty exciting because these next two weeks are going to be very isolating for me. I plan on being alone most of the time and I look forward to being alone.

What this means is that it may be a while till my next post, it may be a few days, it may be two weeks, it may be longer, I just don't know. If any of you are worried, and it seems no one is, but if any of you become worried, don't be. I will save up my travels and post copious amounts of stuff when I do get a chance. (Copious, isn't that a great word? It is a big little word, not many letters, but vast in meaning. A good word.) Consider this time as one that you use as reflection on your own life. Consider what Jesus is doing for you and how He so desires for you to grow in the grace and knowledge of Him.

That is all I wanted to say. During this alone time I will try to post, no promises, but I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

day 58: what did she say?

2005-05-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

so there is this girl cat. she is one of the students that i met while in slovakia on the service project. if you are reading the comments of my posts then you have seen her additions. (You guys have to know that I am trying really hard NOT to capitalize any of the words because I am totally down with all the new typing methods of the yoots of today. It is really hard!) so the previous post was to get her info, but then i figured out that i could just click on her name and, volia, i was at her blog.

then i started reading her blog. (sorry cat if this embarrasses you) what in the world is she saying? it is like a foreign language. due to copy right infringenments i can't include some of her writings. oh, what the heck, i was never one to follow rules. cat, please don't kill me.

here is a sample:

Interests: heh- depends, whatever comes my way may or may not interest me. Can't really name wut does or doesn't. Like everyone else I'm lovin' the music n' movies. The internet is ruling my life... @_@ -heh i'm really working on that too...-and erm... i'm religious? ya that'll be my interest.^^ "Just u n' me Lord- u n' me!" O ya, I'm on the swim team here n' horseback ride- auf Deutsch xD ... as u can see this is the greatness of me- well, tis my friends who are the real secret to it, gotta love em'.
Expertise: Expertise... wut expertise??? sleepin' in? strangly being similar to my 2 cats...??cramming for tests drivin by the feeling of desperation??? heh ya that works ^^
Occupation: Student

so i read this, read it again, and on the third time, with the help of barb, figured out sort of what she was saying. (couple things cat. 1. how do you turn off the song on your blog. 2. just becuase i, an old completely out of touch curmudgeon, doesn't immediately understand you, you shouldn't be offended. i would actually take it as a compliment.) those kids these days. what are they getting into.

barb is actually reading this over my shoulder as i type, which i have to say wierds me out and makes me a little self conscience. she had just before this post typed a quick email to a friend of hers about me staying with him in london next week. i was chastising her about not using the shift key and she said something about it being an email and how she couldn't be bothered with wasting the milli-seconds it takes to move either of her pinkies over to the convienently enlarged shift key to use what most of the mature adult world would consider proper communication. that is why i am trying my hardest not to use the shift key and you all can't tell, but i have had to go back a number of times to make the "correction".

so i had another point to this blog. months ago when i first started my blog, i read a post of a good friend of mine, adam avitable, about the whole vernacular that has been created by the youth of today. he posted the following link and text about... well just read it yourself. why would you want me to describe the link when you can just read it yourself. it is sort of like reading a critics comments about a movie when you can just go watch the movie yourself. or even better, reading someone else take on the bible and who they think God is (I am sorry, I just couldn't not capitalize God. He is well... the supreme being and could smite me so i try to not piss Him off as much as i can. frankly i don't always feel like i am doing a good job of not pissing Him off, even now as i type.) instead of just talking to Him themselves and getting His take on Himself. Follow me?

here is the link:

http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/children/kidtalk.mspx

the thing that i find the funniest is that it is microsoft that published this info. it is so like some big corporate company trying to write about something they have no clue about. like me writing about slovakia's history.

anyway, i hope you guys are as frustrated with reading this blog without caps as i was in typing it. now i got to go because it is rather rude that i am sitting here on the computer while jordan and my guest is still reading over my shoulder. actually, ignoring her like this makes me feel more like today's society, no real relationships, just a computer and a broadband connect. so to all my "friends" out there... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

until then and tomorrow.

jason

ps - in the spirit of the blog, i am also not spell checking or rereading this one, but my old school self can't not tell you that because i am too self conscience about misspelling something or using poor grammer. (that and i have been berated once before about a typo, erika!)

Day 58: Cat?

2005-05-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

How do you spell the girls name that sounds like "KT". Caty is one way; Katie another. Catherine works too, right? I am writing all this as an introduction for a question to Cat.

Cat, can you send me an email or something so I can respond to your comments? How are things going anyway?

Jason

Day 57: Who's tired?

2005-05-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

I am back from Italy, back from Bamberg, back from traveling. I am tired. I am tired. Yesterday was the train ride from Bamberg back into Ansbach. It was a peaceful ride on a smaller regional train. I spent most of the time either reading my recently purchased April 18th edition of Sports Illustrated, the one with Tiger on the cover (Dad, I am surprised you didn’t email me about his victory), or writing post cards and a Mother's day card for... well, you know who, why do I have to spell it out for you? What you can't figure it out? OK, it was for my wonderful mom who I love more than life itself.

After the train ride, Jordan picked me up and we headed back to his place. The plan was to hang out there for a bit and then head onto base so he could finish some office work. I was up for anything, after my nap. Something hit me around 1800 that afternoon and I couldn't keep my eyes open. Every time I sat down, and especially layed down, I was out. I think this vacation is catching up with me. This morning I made up for the fatigue a bit by sleeping until 1030. It was glorious.

I am trying to think of my point... It had something to do with Slovakia... I can't remember... Oh well...

Here is where things get interesting. I know there are more things to write about Slovakia. I know there is, but it was so long ago, we are talking weeks, that I have pretty much moved on. This is another reason I could never be a writer. Another problem is that I can't remember what I have written about and I am too lazy to go back and reread what I previously wrote. Did I tell you guys about Christian? I think so. If not then that is a great story. Someone send me a note telling me whether I did or didn't.

I want to tell you more about Slovakia. The last couple days were filled with the same basic events of the first, but the atmosphere was building towards the completion of the playground and the end of the week. (OK, I did it. I went back and looked at my previous posts. I did tell you about Christian so there is no need for anyone to let me know that I did.) The students had both a sense of purpose and also the general fatigue of having worked hard for five days in a row. Remember, we are talking about high school students so they haven't experienced a real 40 hr/wk job and don't know that the rest of the world works most days. Actually, I have never experienced a real 40 hr/wk job and don't know either. Also, over here in Europe they don't work nearly as hard as us Yankees work. Here is an example.

Auto shops are not allowed to open on a Saturday. It is actually against the law. The laws in Germany are very much to the benefit of the worker, not the consumer. Sundays are pretty much, "don't get anything done days" also. This means that if you have business to conduct you have to do it Monday through Friday. If you have a job, tough luck, take the time off of work. Shopping really doesn't happen on the weekends because people don't work then. You can't have a retail store open without making employees work on the weekend and people don't work on the weekend. This is a gross over simplification, but I am trying to make a point.

So the students are growing tired after their many hours of laborious activity. That is when the leaders have to really step up and provide the motivation to get the job done. I did just that through my expertise as a United States Army Officer. I took over the very important role of "Official Delegator". I told everyone what to do! Hey, it is a tough job, but some one, with great skill and vocal abilities, has to do it. You guys don't understand, it is hard to look busy after you have delegated out all the jobs. Having many years of experience with that sort of task, I accomplished it brilliantly, if I do say so myself.

My time has once again come to an end, and once again, I don't think I said anything, really. Tomorrow, I will conclude Slovakia. I think.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 50 something: Too tired to figure out the date

2005-05-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

So I am up in Bamberg, Germany visiting with a new friend Josh Butrin, www.burtin.org. I came up here to talk about Young Life, MCYM staff, and all that Jazz. I am telling you all this for no reason because my actual plan is to wrap up Italy in one short blog. I haven't been able to do that ever in the past, but maybe tonight, my extra sleepy body will force my mind and hands to type less. It isn't working out so far.

Let’s recap. Italy began in Vicenza with Jim, Mandy, Juls, and the rest of the gang. There was also the family that Jordan, mom, auntie, and I stayed with, but I can't spell or pronounce their name. We enjoyed Venice. Then it was off to Rome and the thwarms, that is like swarms only much many more. St. Pete’s, JP II, super old buildings, and Carabinieri. In between stays in Rome, we sung down to Naples and Pompeii.

Pompeii was cool. Not my favorite. (Sorry Jordan! He for some reason loved it. I don't understand, but there are a lot of things about Jordan that I don't understand. Jordan is more than I want to get into right now.) It could have been because a couple hours into walking around Pompeii, I tore a huge gash in my big toe. I have pictures It didn't hurt immediately, but it sure bled like a stuck pig. (I don't know where the statement stuck pig came from, or why I even used it except that I didn't want to use a cuss word there. Jordan was getting on me about my language or potential language the other day. I apparently haven't learned. That reminds me of something that I left out of my Carabinieri story. See, right after the two dudes grabbed me, my sinful mouth opened up and F#%K came out. I don't know where it came from, but considering the circumstances it was sort of understandable. I am not justifying my words but pointing them out to say that I, like everyone else, accept apparently Mary the mother of Jesus according to the Catholics, am a sinful human who deserves to rot in hell. Jordan was very concerned about my language. Me too, because out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. At that critical point in my apprehension, my heart wasn't overflowing with Christ. Funny thing too is that what little English the cop dudes spoke, they knew that word and me saying it didn't help my situation. I was apologizing for saying it as soon as it came out of my mouth.) For me, that was the most interesting part of the day, well that and the driving. Have you ever heard the saying, "You drive like an Italian."? Neither have I, but there should be one, because Italians are crazy, crazy drivers.

After Naples, it was back to Rome for the night. I had forgotten my memory card for my camera, which gave us a perfect excuse to go back. The evening great because Henry had a Karaoke game for his PS2 and we, we meaning the kids, played it. I tried once and sucked hard core. I got the most laughs out of everyone there, but I also scored the lowest of everyone. That confirms what I already knew. My voice is best heard when accompanied by incredible volumes of other sounds and should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be amplified. Noe did the best in a single song and Henry wasn't half bad.

From Rome, we went to Florence, for about 15 minutes, Pisa, for an hour, and then Camp Darby and the beach. I was so excited about going to the Mediterranean for the first time. It could have been because I heard that the chicks there go topless, but I don't think that was the reason. Maybe it was, but I would never admit it to anyone. I didn't see a topless girl there and wasn't disappointed. Leaving Darby we stopped in Cinque Terre and then back to Germany. We had dinner in Terino in Northern Italy with some more of Jordan's friend.

We took our time getting back and stopped in Gebalshtop for a few hours. That was pretty much the end of the Italy part of the trip. There are a few more things that happened in Germany on the last two days, like Noe and Auntie getting there passports switched, but that is another time.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 51: Cinque Terre and getting tired

2005-04-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am back with you at 130 km/hr. You might have guessed that I have been busy. What with the noticeable absence of blogs, along with the obvious importance of who I am, and then there is that little fact of being on vacation in Italy. Have I mentioned that I am on vacation in Italy? At various times throughout the day, I smile, hop up and down, and remind my traveling partners that we are in… (fill in where we are.) Today it was Cinque Terre.

It first started in Venice, the hopping thing that is. I was so excited to be in Venice with Jim, Mandy, Juliana, and the rest of the crew. (Like how I threw that in? Inside joke.) I still can’t believe how wonderful this vacation has been. At times, I just get so giggly and start acting like a kid in a candy store. I know giggly isn’t a very manly way to be, but I proved my manliness today so I can afford to be a little giggly. Giggly yet manly at the same time all because of this glorious vacation.

The glory of this whole adventure was made particularly evident this afternoon while waiting for train to take Jordan and I from the fourth of five CT cities back to city two. Sitting next to Jordan and I at the train station were three co-eds. They were just finishing what appeared to be a “discussion” about their travels together when I sat down. One of the girls, the apparent leader, was trying to explain that this is the way college students travel. She made some comments about how you have to put up with things like this. (Being a late entry into the “discussion, I didn’t feel it was appropriate to butt in and ask what those “things” were.) “You can’t have that kind of vacation until you are older and traveling with your husband.” (Again, I didn’t know what “that kind” was.) The two went back and forth; the third more passive girl didn’t say anything except that she wanted to stay out of the “discussion”. The “discussion” ended well though. I have never understood this about girls. They argue and argue and then make up. A “discussion” always ends with affirmation of their friendship and that they still love each other. All this without a resolution. Those two just stopped arguing, said they weren’t mad, and that was the end. Girls are weird. Guys would never do that. A man’s “discussion” either ends in one of the guys submitting and agreeing with the other, or death. It is usually death. Wars are started because of men’s “discussions”. These girls’s “discussion” reminded me that the five of us are doing great.

We are doing great, not perfect, but great. In the car today, we had a little bit of a “discussion”. It ended like a girl’s argument and I am not going into details. Let’s see. It is Friday so we have been together for a week, seven complete days. Seven days and only one “discussion”, that is awesome. In my family, if all six of us are together, we last about that same amount of time, seven days. No wait, sorry, did I say days, I meant hours. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. They love me and each other. It is just that four out of the six have very… strong personalities. When you put all of us together, things go smoothly until there is a decision to be made and then the “discussion” begins. Tiffany usually wins out these days, but that is a whole other blog. Back to Italy.

So things are going great. Cinque Terre, which means five cities if you don’t know Italian, is made up of… you guessed it, five cities on the west coast of Italy. They are nestled into the mountain sides right on the coast and are amazing. You can walk between each one; they are all about 2 miles apart, or you can take the train. We mostly just walked around and enjoyed the beauty. Jordan and I also exerted our manliness and jumped from the cliffs into the not so warm Mediterranean. (So I have now been in the Pacific, Atlantic, Mediterranean, Persian Gulf, and Gulf of Mexico, only 1372 major bodies of water to go. Go me!)

There was one small dilemma today. It doesn’t rate the same exciting tale as mine with the Carabinieri. (By the way, I misspelled it on the last blog, consider this is my retraction.) Today, we parked the car a short walk from one of the cities. The plan was for everyone to meet up back at the car at the end of the day,assuming we separated. After walking down to the city, the moms decided that they didn’t want to walk back up so the plan changed to Jordan and I going back to the car at the end of the day and driving to pick up the girls at the train station, about 30 km away. The dilemma came when at the end of the day we, meaning Jordan, realized that we, meaning Jordan, had given mom the key to the car and forgot to get it back. That happened because of plan one, but when we activated plan two, we forgot to redistribute the resources.

Jordan and I then had to find the girls before they took the long train ride to the pick-up point. Jordan and I split up. I ended up finding the girls short of the pick-up point. But then to get back to Jordan, I would have had to wait almost an hour for the next train. I decided instead to run the 2 miles back. (OK, so maybe it wasn’t 2 miles, maybe it was only half a mile, but it felt like 2 miles.) I got back to where I thought Jordan was; couldn’t find him. I used my incredible powers of deduction to think of where I would be if I was Jordan and so I slowly made my way back to the car. On the way, I stopped for some wonderful Italian ice cream, Chocolate and Mint Gelato (my new favorite), and some post cards. Jordan was right were I would have been. We jumped in the car, picked up the girls and that brings me to now, 130 km/hr on our way to dinner.

Woops, I had intended to blog the last few days, but just got carried away with all the fun of today. I will try again next time to talk about Pompei and Naples, and the third day in Rome. In fact, I haven’t even talked about the second day in Rome. Oh, I am so behind.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 48: Breaking the Law because I am stupid.

2005-04-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

Image you find a cell phone on a street in Rome. You decide to pull a Good Samaritan and turn it into the local police. Well, listen to this story before you consider that “good turn.”

So there I was walking to the Museum of Bones near the US Embassy. (Side note, earlier I was inside the Embassy for a behind the scene tour.) At the corner of the Embassy I see a cell phone lying in the street. I pick it up. (Mistake #1) My first thought is IDE (Improved Explosive Device) so using good force protection I learned while in Iraq, I immediately try to turn it on to ensure it isn’t a bomb. (Mistake #2) It wasn’t a bomb and with that fear averted, I proceeded with Stephanie’s help to the nearest Policia to give them the phone. They wanted nothing to do with it but directed me to the police station a couple blocks away.

Candy, Shelly, Jordan, Noelani, Steph, and I were all on the way to the Bone Museum and so I am not in the mood to waste time. I am faced with a dilemma. I don’t want to go all the way back to the Police station just to turn in this phone, but I also want to do the “Christian” thing. Christ wins out and I decide to turn in the phone. To expedite the turn in, I give my coat to Steph and with the directions to the station, head out running. Half way there, I realize that all my identification is located with Steph and my coat. Do I turn around? No! (Mistake #3)

Continuing on, I get lost and can not find the police station. The directions were to go two blocks and turn left on Via Toscana. I went two blocks, but the street sign read “Senso Unico” (I later learn it means “One Way”) so I drive on for a few more blocks. I come to a sign reading “Carbinieri.” I could swear that I saw a police looking car with that on the side so I venture forward and go to the door. It’s locked. I didn’t notice the button which rings the office. (Mistake #4) I start to walk away and then arguably make the stupidest decision I could have made. I throw the phone onto the steps at the base of the door. (Huge Mistake #5, Climaxal Mistake, Mistake of all Mistakes) Noticing that the phone had landed behind the door and realizing that I shouldn’t have thrown the phone, or anything for that matter, at a door of a police station in the first place, I go back to pick it up. Retrieving the phone, I decide to place it at the base of the door. (Mistake #6) I doubt that decision also, but it didn’t matter, the police watching me on the closed circuit video are already bearing down to detain me. (Let me remind you that this is a completely true story, nothing is made up or exaggerated.)

They burst through the door and grab me, they, meaning two guys, who weren’t to big so I could have taken them. They pull me in the station and start yelling in Italian. This is probably a good time to mention that I don’t speak any Italian creating a definite communications barrier. The first thing they ask for is what I knew they were going to ask for, my documents. Remember, all of those things were back with my coat, being held at the corner of the Embassy. In my possession was: a spare battery for my camera, my bus ticket, my ear buds from the bus tour, and my emergency contact card provided by my wonderful, and now I realize brilliant, host Heather Chang. I try to explain to them the situation, but remember the barrier.

By this time I am inside the station and they have begun to search me, asking in Italian what I was doing. They find all the things I have, which was nothing. The whole time I am trying to explain what I was doing. “I am trying to give the phone back.” “Why did I throw it? I don’t know; I am stupid. Stupido, yes, me Stupido” “Call my friend, she works for the Embassy.” “What’s her name, I don’t know. Heather something. Heather Chang, I think it is Heather Chang.”

We are sitting in the station, they have patted me down and tensions are beginning to subside. The officers have my emergency contact card, thank you Heather, and are starting to call her cell. She doesn’t answer. We try the embassy; they don’t have her on record as working there. Things aren’t looking good for Jason. I am having flashes of dark Italian Prisons. The Apostle Paul comes to mind.

“I, Jason, called by God, slave of Jesus, to the Church in America, blessings and peace to you all.”

That is how my letter to the churches would have started.

Eventually they get a hold of Heather at the Embassy. After she stops laughing, she gets a hold of Stephanie with my coat and directs her to where she thinks I am. I think I mentioned that I couldn’t find the police station. Carbinieri are actually the State Troopers of Italy. They are not used to dealing with tourists, and don’t very much like us anyway. So Stephanie, having been informed of my situation, goes to the police station she thinks I am at and asks for me. She doesn’t find me, but with some persistence learns of the other cops around the corner. After only an hour and a half, Steph shows up with my passport. By that time most of the tension had left. The cops realized that they were dealing with a stupido American and now they just wanted me to leave. They look at my passport, probably copy it, give it back, and I leave. Walking out the door I shook the officer’s hand; he smiled and shook his head. I did my best to look sorry, but since things worked out, I wasn’t that sorry.

During the entire situation, I was having a problem. The situation was not a laughing matter. I just couldn’t help but laugh. Every time I thought about what I had gotten myself into, I smiled. In fact, I was a bit excited because I knew that I had a great blog coming. Well, at least a great story that would hopefully be a great blog. Sitting in the police station, I knew then was not the time to mention my journal. I was working really hard on just getting through it without upsetting the nice police men anymore than I already had. I didn’t upset them and it all turned out well in the end and you all are the lucky recipients of my series of unfortunate events.

There was so much more that happened today, but I have said enough. It is late, the bars are closed and I should be in bed. I will have to tell you about the waving contest later.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 48: I miss Mexican food!

2005-04-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

I am going broke and getting fat. I love Italy. I am just returning from dinner. We ate at this great Italian restaurant. Does anyone else find that funny? Of course we ate at an Italian restaurant, I am in Italy. No seriously, the restaurant could be considered the Chilies or TGIF’s of Italy. It was a little more than fast food, but certainly not a high class, expensive Ruth’s Chris. That didn’t matter though, the food was wonderful. I had pasta with a Gorgonzola and walnut sauce.

Dinner was family style. Everyone ordered what they wanted and then we all shared. It was just like in the movies. If you are wondering which movie, just pick any Italian one: Italian Job, Godfather, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, you get the idea.

That is all I really wanted to say. It is late. I will tell you all about Rome tomorrow. We are taking the open top bus tour.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 47b: When in Rome, write about Slovakia because you are way behind.

2005-04-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

I am sorry everyone. I waited too long and now I can’t remember all the entertaining, funny, interesting parts of Slovakia. At this point, I can really only remember the important parts, like what Jesus was/is doing. But who wants to hear about that? Come on!

I am an American and am all about readership, volume sales, and market share. I know that people want to be happy. Wait, happiness isn’t good enough for my readers; they deserve a euphoric state of numbness. I know that, so I will not, regardless of what my conscience tells me, bore you with anything like truth, love, hope, or faith.

I am in Rome right at this exact time. When I say at this exact time, I mean this exact time now, not now your time of reading this now, but now my time of typing this now. Follow me? So, now, my time now, I am driving into Rome; home of the Romans, killers of Paul, protectors of Benny XVI, husband to a murdered wife, father to a murdered son, and I will have my revenge, in this life or the next. Sorry, off subject, way off subject. This blog is actually about Slovakia, which means I am about 1500 km off subject.

The fourth day in Slovakia was the best of times; it was the worst of times. (None of you will get that reference, but know it was funny.) Two events happened on Tuesday, as previously referenced, one was good, great in fact, one was bad, not terrible because everything turned out good in the end, well good for Christian, not so good for me. Just let me explain and you will understand my ramblings.

Tuesday was my small group’s assigned time to do VBS, Vicious Bubble Squeezing. Our part was the songs and games. Let me back up. Monday, the relational ministry girls, Beth and her mom Kathy, asked if my guys and I would like to do VBS the next day. She was selling it to me as being the shortest of the days because I had mentioned that neither I nor my guys were super interested in doing VBS at all. We jumped at the chance, half heartedly.

Tuesday, we got to do VBS for about an hour. Games and songs turned out to be the greatest thing that happened in Slovakia for me and my guys. Working with the young kids was amazing. The looks on their faces when we played musical chairs, the joy in their eyes after singing “Deep and Wide” made the week. If I had done nothing else it would have been worth coming to Europe.

That was the great thing. Now let’s talk about the not so great thing. After VBS and working at the site, we went to the water park that was co-located with our retreat site. The park was more like a natural hot springs. There were a few pools and some small structures to play on. One of those structures was a line of large lily pads big enough for a person to stand on. They were loosely tied to the bottom of the pool so walking across them was difficult. It was easier because of the rope strung across the pool.

I got this bright idea to try and run across the pads. Well, not me personally run across the pads, but I was encouraging others to try. Teenage type of others. Their hearts weren’t into trying until I threw in 20 Euro. That got them going for a bit, but after a few failures they started giving up so I upped it to 50 Euro. That got them very interested.

When I first made the offer of 50 Euro for anyone that made it across the pads without touching the rope, I didn’t specify who it was for. I thought that only my guys would be trying. I stepped away for a few minutes and when I returned just about every guy at the pool was trying to run across the pads. I asked if they all knew of the offer and yes they did; my guys had spread the word. Thanks guys!

So after many attempts, on the last one, Christian, one of the guys from Bamberg, made it across and I was out 50 Euro. Unfortunately, Christian ended up in the hospital. As I said, on the LAST attempted, Christian made it across, but slammed into a pole in the process. He hit his head pretty hard and I am pretty sure had a concussion. He asked for his sister about 100 times and had no idea what had happened. I was really hoping that he would forget about the 50 Euro, but just my luck, he didn’t. It wouldn’t have mattered because everyone was reminding him anyway.

Christian spent two days in the hospital for observation and made it back to the work site on the next to last day. The worst day of the week ended just fine, except for the 50 Euro.

Many more things happened. I will try to remember more of them.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 47: Under the Tuscan clouds and rain.

2005-04-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

So I am driving through central Italy. I bought an adapter which turns 12V DC into 115V AC. The non-technical people may also need to be told that 12V DC is the standard voltage in a car and 115V AC or actually 110V is the standard in a house. Why am I telling you this? Because I want everyone to realize that this blog is being penned at 120 km/hr, and I am driving. OK, that isn’t completely true. It is more like 130 km/hr. The adapter is necessary to allow me to plug my computer in and not run off of battery.

We just left the Italian Province of Tuscany. “Under the Tuscan Sun”, “The English Patient” and other movies are set in this region. If you think of the classic Italian scene, the old lady on the second story window, shaking her rug out onto a narrow cobblestone alley, you think of Tuscany. Am I boring everyone with the repetitious descriptions? Beautiful, magnificent, marvelous, glorious, exquisite, wonderful, amazing, awesome, superb, breathtaking, spectacular, fabulous, brilliant, awe inspiring. Need I go on? That is Italy. Even now, I am torn between putting to words the emotions I am having and continuing to gaze out at the countryside.

Just now I stopped and took some pictures of the clouds. I know they will not turn out; car pictures never truly capture the full spectrum of the original. These clouds, beyond my vocabulary to describe, typify everything that is around me. Mom did a great job of describing the buildings. And I quote, “The reddish, dirt, stone, square bricky things.” Better than any of mine.

To my right, up on the hill top stands a collection of buildings. They are obviously abandoned and I couldn’t tell you for how long, but it is that mystery that is a part of making this land so, well mysterious. History has never been my strong point, so I won’t even begin to try to sound smarter than I am. (I read this this morning, Prov 17:28 – “Even a fool when he keeps silent is considered wise. When he closes his lips, he is considered prudent.” My translation is, “Remain silent and be thought a fool, speak and remove all doubt.”)

Here is the scene. It is a gray, drizzly Italian afternoon. Cruising along (A1) Autostrada del Sole, ancient stone “bricky things” dotted everywhere. Nora Jones serenading softly over the radio.

Come away with me in the night.
Come away with me and I will write you a song.

Come a way with me on a bus.
Come away where they can’t stand us with their lies

And I want to walk with you, on a cloudy day, in fields where the yellow grass grows knee high, so won’t you try to come.

Come away with me and well kiss on a mountain top.
Come away with me and I’ll never stop loving you.

And I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof, while I am safe there in your arms so what I ask is for you to,

Come away with me in the night.
Come away with me.

I could die today and know that God is good.

I can see why His “Holy Catholic Church” set up shop here. Sorry Texas, sorry West Virginia, THIS is God’s country.

Well, I have buried my head long enough. If I keep this up, I will miss the drive into Roma. Also, I need to get back to Slovakia, though I have to admit that I have already forgotten a lot of what I was going to say. That is probably why I am not a writer.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason

Day 46: Italy, what more can I say!!

2005-04-23T00:32:00.000-07:00

I love Europe. I love Germany, Austria, Czech, Slovakia, and now Italy. If I could put to words how awesome this place is and how much fun it is, I would sell millions of books and be able to live over here. There is just so much about this place that is awesome.

There is too much to say this evening and since I haven't even caught up with the Slovakia trip, I am going to keep this one short and hopefully spend a good amount of time on the computer tomorrow or the next day. It probably won't be tomorrow because we are heading to Venice for the day and so I will be uber busy floating down the canals, watching the glass blowing on Morano Island, and eating more delicious gelato ice cream. but that is tomorrow and I shouldn't be talking about what I haven't done when there is still so much to say about what I have done.

This morning, Jordan, Candice, Shelly, and I left Jordan's place at 0652, 22 minutes late. No big deal, we had planned in plenty of time to make it to the Munich Airport to pick up Noelani, Jordan's sister. Driving there we took the back roads and enjoyed the true heart of the Bavarian countryside. Europe to me is more beautiful the further South you go. Germany is amazing, Austria is breathtaking and Northern Italy is magnificent. There aren't enough superlatives to describe everything I am seeing. I can't wait to keep going South in the next few days and see Rome, Naples, and other sites.

Speaking of Rome, what about the new Pope. Benny the 16th, right? I haven't had time to read the news so I don't know where the world's opinion falls on this new guy. What I did hear was something about him being the front runner so it wasn't a big surprise, I guess.

Back to today. The drive to Vicenza was glorious, costly but glorious. Europeans have figured out that you can make money off the tourist without them even getting out of their cars. It cost us 16.40 Euros, which is like 20 bucks, just to drive our car in Austria. We didn't get out or even step foot in the country but with the tolls and permits required, cost that much. But it was worth it.

Remember "Sound of Music?" Doe a deer, a female deer. Ray a drop of golden sun. Me a name... You get the idea. Well the Von-trap family were from Austria and the movie portrayed the countryside beautifully. The mountains, the snow, the "hills are alive with the sound of music." Seriously, I could hear them singing to me. I am starting to scare myself because the thought crossed my mind that Europe is as good as the US. It isn't, but the thought was still there. Austria is great and the Italian Alps are even better, but they don't hold "a candle in the wind" to the Rockies, Cascades, or Olympics.

Driving to our final destination today took us along a curvy Italian mountain road. Just the driving in Italy is a completely separate story and adventure, but I haven't the time today. Along the road, we stopped at this small village on the side of the mountain. I forget the name, but have a post card with the name in the car. We stopped because Jordan and Mom had been there twice before. Once five years ago and then three years later. When they described this town and particularly the Pizzeria, the ladies there stood out. The owner of the pizzeria has three lovely daughters, two of them twins. Mom's description is best when she said, "Oh they are so cute, can we take one home?" (Hey, that reminds me. I learned my first and only Italian phrase. "Decidero sposare su a fila!" It means, "I want to marry your daughter!" I figured I would try it out on the owner, but he wasn't around and I was too intimidated by his beautiful girls to ask for him. I hope to be able to use that phrase at least once on this trip. Hey, maybe I will get lucky.)

Tonight, we met up with some of Noelani's friends here in Italy. We went back to their place and had wine, cheese, bread and pastries. This is the way to eat, unfortunately my belly is expanding because of that. After the food, we headed into town for dinner. Oh, did I mention that the wine was about $1.75 for a bottle. I know you are thinking, big deal. It was a big deal because this was great wine. Absolutely wonderful. We never made dinner, but we did stop for Italian Ice cream, known as gelato. Best ice cream in the world, it would be my favorite if they would discover peanut butter and add it to their chocolate.

Now I must say good night. It is past midnight and I have another huge day of sight seeing in Venice planned. No rest for the weary. I will return.

Until then and tomorrow.

Jason